I am assuming you are young
But you are not the only one to go through this. Abraham Lincoln would fall into depressions so deep he would close every curtain in the White House and lie in his bed in the darkness until he could function again.
Many brilliant people have suffered through this disease that eats away at you from the inside, like a worm rotting a peach.
Please remember you are not alone. That these depressions may be a part of you that as you age will become as familiar as your childhood pillow.
But it helps to have someone who listens. So yes, please confide. In your journal, in your friends, in your parents. You may need help, as depression is a dark ocean with a strong undertow. Tell someone to help pull you out.
But remember, always remember, that you are not the only one to have swum through this darkness. And you will make it through.
There Is No Book
Life for just about every human being would have been much easier if we were born with a book about what to expect out of life with rules to guide us. However, that never happens to any of us.
We get faced with so many events in life that it is difficult to determine what is and what isn’t in our best interest. We get pulled from so many different directions. Parents say one thing, teachers another, and then there are the friends we make we grow up with. They all have conflicting ideas of what you should say or do, and this leaves your head spinning, not knowing if you really made the right choices for you, not for them, and oft times, that’s where we mess up in our youth.
Trying to please others, and forgetting about our self. Our own individuality.
Growing up, every child says they want to be this or that (fireman, policeman, doctor, nurse, etc), and with each passing year, it changes. Why? Because other influences cause you to doubt your own abilities.
It is one thing to listen to advice, it is an altogether different mode if you take that advice just because they are a parent, teacher, or friend, without thinking it through first.
I guess what I am saying is that when you were born, you were im printed in life to be your own person. No one has the same fingerprints as you, the same identical brain, the same beating heart. Hence, you are a unique human being.
What I am about to tell you, I haven’t relayed here on Prose, and less than four people know what happened, I think, in the year 1971.
I was 24 then. Young, fairly good-looking, didn’t have a worry in the world, or so I thought. But I was also one of those people that felt he had to “hang” with certain people. Mind you, not bad people, but more the in-crowd so I could feel like I belonged.
It was a Friday night, drinking, laughing, carrying on, and had been dating an attractive woman at the time. Can’t tell you when, but sometime during that get together, my mind went somewhere else. It was as if a realness settled over me.
I looked around the room and saw people, a place, where I realized I didn’t belong. And if I didn’t belong there, where did I belong? I had no answer.
The party was at my girlfriend’s house. I knew her place well. So well in fact, I went to her bedroom, opened a dresser drawer and pulled out a snub-nose .32 and sat on her bed. I cocked the hammer back and raised it to my head. I had every intention to end my life right then and there.
The girl I had been seeing stepped in just as I raised the gun and screamed. I saw the look of both panic and fear etched over her face. And here’s the thing. Seeing her like that, made me realize, death wasn’t the answer. The answer for me was on her face.
Inwardly, I had been afraid of going my own way. I talked a good talk but never followed through because I believed I would fail. And I also knew that if I was put in a drastic situation, I wouldn’t know how to react and that is panic.
But seeing the look on her face made me understand I could. I could be the person I wanted to be, not what she wanted, not what my friends wanted or my parents for that matter. Life changed for me in that split-second.
And that is the bottom line. It only takes a second to decide when and where you want to go in life, and I mean really go. To become. To be.
As to telling your parents ... just tell them. If they are good people who love you and support you, just talk to them on a level they can understand. Remember, even your parents went through some hell growing up. All parents do. It’s part of life’s process.
The good cannot succeed without the bad and the sad can’t survive without the glad, and love cannot live without the hate. There will always be a wall put before us. Once it is torn down, you can move on to another part of your life that will work for just you and you alone.
I can’t say your life will be fine as you get older, or that all your dreams will come true. But I can say that life is worth living just so you can create your own adventure throughout life, knowing you are your own person. Good, bad, or indifferent.
Do the best you can. It’s all any of us can do. Just never forget who YOU are and who YOU want to be.
Lastly, if you believe in God, and His power, what better friend could you ask for.
(The above quote in the picture is from Psalm 62:7.)
Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I gather by your profile that you are around 17? If so, and I know I am thinking like a mother because I am one, go to your parents immediately and tell them how you feel. They are your first line of defense and if they are supportive parents, they will get you the help you need. As far as how you should go about telling them, just be honest. If it is too difficult to verbalize, write a note.
If you do not have supportive parents, seek help from another responsible adult, perhaps a grandparent or a teacher, or a hotline if you prefer to remain anonymous.
Not to over simplify, but have you ever felt this way before? If you have, remind yourself that you got past these dismal feelings once before and you can and will do it again.
If you have not, remind yourself that there are so many others that have experienced the same dreadful mental state and have overcome their desperation with help, so you can too.
You are not alone in this battle we call life. I could get specific about my own journey, but I’d rather just implore you to seek immediate help from a trusted person.
Help is out there, but you need to ask for it!
Here is a link to a bit of psychology that may or may not help you with your thoughts:
God wrote of eternity
and placed it in our hearts
perfect love that drives out fear
a light within the dark
So enemies of his and ours
distort the truth and fire
shadows formed in silence
twisting heavenly desires
The longing for security
beyond the other side
where all the evil, pain, and tears
are washed in crimson tides
Will always be a part of us
as long as time remains
but, sanctified, each thought we have
yields grace in Jesus’ name
The power over each deceit
a plumbline to his throne
where every lie meets its defeat
until he calls us home
Creation is your Gift.
No matter how many years you add
To the circles of bark,
Or how many seasons you spend,
Working for another human being
Who doesn’t see you for your passions,
Something that will always wait within you,
Until the day you ask for its hand again,
Will be your power to create.
This gift will never,
As you wade through the greys and blues of the days,
You must nurture this flame,
And let the colours explode
Into one massive splash of imagination
That is what will get you through the routine, It is your mind
And your power,
- Lady Bell
In these times, it is quite understandable that you feel this way. But these times were actually predicted. We were told that this would happen. It was prophesized that there will be absolute desperation for peace, multitudes will scream for freedom! But...the thing is, freedom, peace, hope and all of it, will never, ever, be found through these objects and ways of lifestyle that we count on. Whether, subconciously or conciously, every single person at one point, counts on materialistic things for a glimpse of peace and hope and so forth. Every. Single. Person.
If you place that trust and faith, in something that can vanish and be destroyed, your hope will falter to destruction, you will be chained by your loss of direction and the lack of peace. Be careful with what you count on, even the people.
This world is horrible. It always has been. But it doesn't mean there isn't good left. See, you possess the ability to turn to a writing site and have several strangers, offer up advice out of care, despite not knowing you at all. There's an example of the good left..
Life is never easy, and if it was, we'd live forever. But life is never completely made up of the bad. I mean, at one point, you didn't feel this way, you didn't feel this pain and sense of hopelessness. So I say to you, there will be another point in your life, where you don't feel this way and I'm certain and faithful, that it will last much longer than any pain you face. And it will, but it takes a fight from you, it takes courage and faith, from you.
God is always there, even if you have disbelief.
[Not forcing my beliefs, you have the right to believe whatever you wish, and besides, my advice still stands as worthy, I'm sure, even to non-believers]
First I want to tell you that you are valid, and you deserve love, and you are so brave and strong to have made it this far. You are not messed-up; no one is. You are only you, and you are trying your best, and that is beautiful.
I know that the world can be a horrible place. The same thoughts you expressed in your post have plagued my own mind as well, and I know it’s so hard to ignore them. I know that sometimes each moment is a fight.
I’ve found it helpful to write down a list- reasons to be happy. Sometimes, I know, we make lists in our heads of just the opposite. Try thinking instead about how the rain feels on your skin, how light appears red and warm against your closed eyelids, the way it looks when someone you love smiles at you. The reasons don’t have to be big. They don’t have to feel important to anyone but you. If they make you feel happy, even for just a second, then they’re valid. There is no reason too small or insignificant if it makes you want to stay alive. If you’re still alive because there are cookies in the oven and you want to taste one, great! If you’re still alive because you’re petting a cat who won’t stop purring and who would be sad if you stopped petting him, great! If you’re still alive because you’re reading this letter and you want to get to the end, great! Seriously, no reason is stupid if it’s keeping you alive.
Please tell your parents or someone else you can trust (a doctor, a teacher, an adult relative, somebody) that you are going through this. Please. You deserve to get help, and you deserve to survive in this world. No, not survive. You deserve to thrive. You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else does. No one is going to think you’re a burden for trusting them with this. They’re only going to be thankful that you did, that you knew that you could ask for help. Counselors and people who love you can really help.
I don’t know you, but I just think you’re so brave for even posting this, and I want you to know that the world is getting better. There is so much hope. Some people do bad things, but most people know that the world can be better and are helping to make it that way.
I’m sending virtual hugs your way, and I hope everything gets better for you, because it can. Really.
Love and hugs <3
Someone loves you than you could ever love yourself❤
I am fourteen,I may be too young to truly understand you but I can come from my angle.
I am an introvert,I never ever open up not even to my parents.I rarely have a conversation with anybody not because I was proud but because I believed that I really didn't matter.You could strangle me and I won't say anything because I believed my life wasn't worth anything. I used to envy others and say 'Why am I so different?'
Anytime I have a good day I would cry throughout the night because I didn't want to go back to being terrible and hopeless.I continued that way,every night I cried myself to sleep because I felt so useless and lonely. When I got to grade 7,I started talking to people not because I changed my orientation but because 1 didn't want to look so different.I never really said what was going through my mind I only said what they wanted me to say.I never let anyone too close for comfort. I thought about suicide but I couldn't afford to suffer in hell for taking human life even if it was mine. Anytime I hold a knife I feel afraid of myself cause I knew what I really wanted.When I got to grade 11,I started walking with a girl. I had lost who I really was but I started to like her like really like her. If she is sick I would feel like my heart was tearing,I couldnt bear to see her in tears. I started feeling human with true emotions.I had started to value my life because I had someone who loved me. Everyone in the school knew us together but one day it started heading south. She started to think she was better than me. One time she called me a thief. I became more foolish than I was before. I closed up but I still deeply cared for her. The moment she abused my family I knew she had crossed the line.I never deeply cared for my family but I couldn't stand someone thinking less of them. I had become too used to silence that my silence was eating me up. I wanted to say so much to her but I couldn't because I felt I wasn't worth it. My silence started to get the best of me and I fell into depression.I felt the urge stronger than ever to take my life.
One day I read Genesis 1. I loved nature so I was just curious to how it came to exist,then I came across Genesis 1:26. The creator of the mesmerizing sky,trees,waters, animals saw me worthy than all he had created to be created in his image. I felt so loved and I said to myself 'If he who made me loves me why should I the creation hate myself. Why should I care about the opinion of others who are less than my Maker'
I then never thought of killing myself because I didn't want to disappoint God who loves me so much but I still felt inferior. Then one day I thought of a life of only people like me in the world.It was so pathetic and pitiful. Then I said to myself ' God didn't create me alone in this world so I could see my worth becausebecause my difference is what makes me unique and special.
Your life is worth more than you could ever know. You don't need to feel insecure or worthless because your potter made you the perfect way.
Have you ever thought why we didn't come with a manual?
Because life with a manual is boring.
Just keep in mind that your life matters to someone up above and he loves you more than you could ever imagine.
I am not an open person so I can't say to tell people in your life or not.
But I really hope I helped you even just a teeny tiny little bit.
Isn't it amazing how many people care about you. Every person who takes time to respond to this challenge wants you to thrive. Right now a lot of folks are praying for you and wishing with all their hearts that they might find the right words to make a difference in your life.
For me, God is the answer, and I've asked Him to be with you.
I understand your pain. I understand the hurt.
But, I want you to know that there are people in the world who love you and care about you. There are folks who pray for you every day. There are beings who are always available- lending an ear to hear you out; offering kind words of confort and encouragement.
How do I know this?
Because I'm one of those people.
I'm one of those folks who love you and care about you; who pray for you every day even though I know hardly anything about you.
We never met in person, but we didn't need to.
I am your friend despite this fact.
I am your friend no matter how far appart we are.
And, if you think my love for you is so deep and powerful and strong, imagine a love even stronger than that.
A love that- unlike me- knows you personally, closely, and intricately.
A love that hears your every thought, prayer, and cry.
A love that longs to comfort you and cherish you.
Al love that valued you enough to die for you.
This love exists. His name is Jesus.
Through God, you'll find the greatest love and comfort there is.
We cannot find true happiness in the lusts of this world- these temporary highs that bring a false sense of pleasure as it slowly kills us from the inside.
Genuine joy lies in Christ. In God. In friends. In truth.
So, my friend, remember that I will be here for you whenever you need me as long as I roam this earth (and have access to the internet ;) ).
And, remember that God is there for you no matter what. Whenever you need Him.
I love you.
God bless you.
You're here for a reason.
You do have a purpose.
Your journey has just begun<3