I have taught my mouth how to frown and it decided it was better than smiling.

After years of its comfortable shape, i haven't found anything worth the effort of going against gravity.

And Now

Im stuck.

My thoughts have learned from my mouth.

And My bones have lost their hope.

His lips pressed against my ear

telling me everything I wanted to hear.

we entertwined.

I woke up to a bed

as empty as the words he said.

when i close my eyes

i hear your name

see your frame.

i think of you when i wake

when i sleep,

my dreams you overtake.

my hands

my arms,

my lips,

are lonely.

what once was comfort

is now boney.

I ache

I weep

I am silent.

until

i sleep.

I didn't notice it until it was there. It was different and wrong. All I could do was cover it with my hands and close my eyes as hard as I could and grit my teeth. My body trying to right itself, let the air escape with such great force it had to bend into a U shape and then lay as still as possible as to not be disturbed further.

I found the color of bravery so I painted my chest to cover my trembling heart.

I found the color of love and covered my eyes so that would be all I saw.

I found the color of passion and slathered my legs so that they would walk with purpose.

I found the color of peace and washed my hair in it so that my mind could rest.

I found the color of kindness and drew it on my lips so that only kind words would leave my lips.

I painted to create, me.

Sometimes I think I have lived long enough to remember how to breathe but then I catch myself catching my breath.

Sometimes I think I have lived long enough to be brave but then I catch myself afraid of stepping outside of myhouse.

Sometimes I wonder if I have learned anything at all.

But then I think back to when I was a child;

when everything was possible and I never didn't believe.

Then:

Sometimes I think,

maybe I've lived too long.