Lists

1- 3 reasons your cat may be a CIA agent:

1. Unlike most cats, she only lives twice.

2. She was from an Octopussy litter of 8.

3. She's in the Feline Protection Program.

2- 3 reasons the aliens left without bothering:

1. They love gluten.

2. They couldn't appreciate the gravity of the situation.

3. They just followed Elvis.

3- Why the FDA actually approves of alcohol/ nicotine?

The FDA approves of alcohol because it makes them forget about Fentanyl.

The FDA approves of nicotine because it moves everyone else up a notch when a cool person dies.

4- 3 excuses to call out of work so you can go fishing.

1. From the "Eat-Fish-Or-Die" state.

2. Because your boss is a small fish in a big pond.

3. Because hookers on a fishing boat are better than hooking fish for sex workers. Or something like that. Ask me again when I'm sober.

5- Wait… what is that hiding in the corner?

ANSWER: My reputation, where I lost it.