PROZAC

The fear

of dropping

whatever it is

that we’ve been working on

to face the radiating terror

that illuminates our bones

is what drives our existence

into a frenzy of avoidance

with a whole industry of tools

designed to help us elude it.

It’s a wonder any of us

even get close,

because each attempt

also pushes us further away,

we hop on the coals

until the heat forces us

to leave,

when perhaps the heat

has the answer.

Who knows?

We’d rather be spectators,

watch someone else do it,

retire to some place

that is pleasant and warm,

perhaps with a view

of the water.

I’m no different,

and I look through catalogs

stapled together

by other people

as I sit on my couch

and dream

of a life devoid

of introspection.

Nearby a bridge

In an old barn

The mousy girl lived

Who fed cows grains.

But the cows said "nuts to you"

And left her life anew.

And the rest of her time until she was dead, she had to eat those oats she once fed.

I'm standing in a room full of the people I love. I reach out to talk to someone, but they don't acknowledge me. I turn to try someone else, but they do the same. I scream too get someone's, anyone's attention, but no one looks up. I catch a glint from the mirror and realize that I'm not in it. No one notices that I am not there. I fall too my knees, "Have they all forgotten me".

I think one of my biggest fear is waking up one day and realizing that things are not the same anymore. To wake up and find that the person who was once madly in love with you, realizes you're not the one for him. That he deserved better, someone who's not broken and without complications at all. Someone whose trust can be easily given and earned. Someone more beautiful, smart, funny, and all those other traits he loves. I fear that i'm not good enough, and not worth keeping. And that one day, he'll leave. I think, when that day comes, it will be the end of me.