I miss the past,

And I’m scared of the future. 

I’ve had so many highs, and so many lows. 

I’m afraid to try to be happy,

Cause it might crash back to depression,

But I’m afraid of letting myself feel lonely,

Cause what if joy was right in front of me while I help my head down.

I’ve had so many highs and so many lows that I don’t know how to feel.

So I guess I’ll just feel numb.

i dwell

under the

surface

lips crashing

through

only to taste

fragments of air

dreaming of

lemonade

with an

overabundance

of sugar

combing

through

my diaries

ink blurring

memories of

yesterday

today

tomorrow

all the

same

looking

at all those

other

creatures

envy

parading

in

greens

and

blues

and

golds

this is

punishment

i assume

but perhaps

one day

i can

return

to

the land of the living

The breath that fills my lungs is an escape in itself.

The air that reaches me is the drug.

I stop, then I go through withdrawals.

I can stop myself from reaching my true divine destination.

I have the power to end it all,

It’s a waiting game.

I wait and wait

It helps when I’m in pain.

It pushes me closer.

Carries me over.

I’ve almost crossed the bridge many a times.

I’ve almost breathed my last breath alone

At night.

When I’m alone,

When I glance at my very hands.

I feel the power.

I sense the choice.

Here?

Now?

Later?

When?

Me?

Them?

It?

Why?

As of now I am alive

The reason?

Fear.

The reason I rather die?

Fear.

The reason I choose?

Them.