people
A presentation in front of my science class
I can feel my chest tighten
Every word I say is too quick to understand
and too quiet to be heard
I'm almost shaking until its done
and almost run back to my seat
My presentation was good
I just couldn't stand presenting it in front of people
I'm touring and school with a group of people
I can't bring myself to say anything
Theres something stopping me
That I can't get past
What will they think of me?
Are they judging me?
What if I say something wrong?
They probably hate me already
A fun trip with family friends
But when we first arrive
It's like I can't even speak
I just can't
I know what I want to say
I have it ready
I'm reciting it over and over in my head
but when I go to say it
I immediately let someone else speak first
When I go to speak again
My chest tightens
My mouth won't open
I can't even think of the words I was going to say
Even around my friends
I think of what I say
Over and over and over again
Before it's ever spoken
When we walk into a crowd
My head immediately reaches for my necklace
Or my bracelet
Just something to occupy me
Because what if just walking like a normal person
Somehow looks weird when I do it?
So I can't take that chance
I don't want to be judged
I hate being watched
Yet I observe the people around me
I watch and speak less
Because I am a listener, not a speaker
The Shadow
I live a normal life
Day to day I go
Just going with the flow
Because I'm not trying to be the glow
But still you catches up to me
Please just let me be
These feelings are not freeing at all
Quite the opposite indeed
Around every corner I turn
There you're lurking
It's almost like you burns
This is a very big concern
You are like this giant shadow
Clearly having an ego
And I'm not planning to say hello
Thankfully you seem to move slow
I'm not sure how to get rid of you
Your dark hue
Gives me the blues
Is any of this even true?
Please leave me alone
And stay to your own
I wish you were unknown
Just please leave me alone
You and Me
You and Me
It has always been you and me
Always and forever
Beginning to end
It was you and me in kindergarten
and in middle school
Just you and me in high school too
Together you and me made it through
We've had each others backs
No matter the attack
Just you and me
Forever to be
But eventually you and me weren't enough
Because you could no longer be tough
And then you jumped that night
And now it's just me
and only me
The Deer
(This is inspired by an animation I saw)
First our dog, Max, went missing
He was the there in the evening,
but the next morning he was not
We aren't completely sure where he went
There's been talk in the town of a creature
One who stalks the woods at night
No one has completely seen it
But they say it becomes parts of what it takes
My sister went missing
She was here yesterday evening
this morning she was not
She had said she wanted to look for Max
Of course I miss her
but I don't want to see her again
Because I'm worried that it won't really be her
That it will be it instead
I'm worried it will have her arms instead of deer legs,
her hands instead of hooves
I'm worried it will have her green eyes,
instead of normal dark deer eyes
I'm don't want to see her again
I'm scared that I will
I'm scared that it will be
The deer instead
The Big Blue Sky
Everyone takes things for granted
You and me have abandoned
the seeds that we planted
So many years ago
But not many years more
And the Earth will be at war
because we seem to continue to ignore
All the damage that we to do to her
Oh how mother nature cries
because no matter how wise we are
Will will be her demise
And so she cries and cries
Look up at the big blue sky
Really look with your eyes
It's very high
One day we will all die
Without appreciating the big blue sky
The Best
I have to be the best
Yes I must be the best
It is always a test
I am top of the class
and looking through the glass
It's like a nauseating gas
If I'm not the best then I must be the worst
It's my curse
And its a thirst that can never be quenched
Whenever I'm the worst
my inside is an outburst
Because I can never stoop down to the worst
I'm in a starting position for my sport
I am always on the court
And I am glad to report
That I never reach short
Whenever I am out
All I feel is doubt
Because I cannot be proud
when I am out
It is not a good habit
But I can never admit it
Because I really don't want to be spotlit
I don't do it to be mean
I don't want to be seen
But when I am not the best
I feel that I don't deserve rest
The life of an imaginary friend
I was there almost your whole life
We even grew up together
You first thought me into existence as a child,
no older than two
Being an only child, you needed someone to play with
We played hide and seek, sardines, and everything in between
Then you started to grow up
When you were five, you had your first day of kindergarten
It was also mine too, but I was mostly there for you
I stayed near to you, and you near to me
It was a scary day, but we stayed with each other
You only cried once
Slowly as the days went on, you started to make friends
real ones
But you never forgot me
You always left me a seat at the table, even if you're friends couldn't see me
By the time you were seven, you had gotten friend making down
You could make friends with anyone
Unfortunately, your grade is where drama started
You didn't know what it really was at first
So you would talk to me about it and everything going on
I tried to provide advice,
sometimes it worked
But I didn't know much myself
In third grade, a girl in your class called you ugly
At home that day to cried to me
You asked me, "Am I ugly?"
I spent that afternoon assuring you that you are beautiful
because you are
We borrowed your mom's make-up and I talked you through a make over
It may not have been great, you but you were still stunning
When you started middle school you realized that not everyone had an imaginary friend
So some days you left me behind
I didn't mind
I just wanted to make sure you were happy
You would still tell me all about your day when you came home
Middle school was also when the bullying started
They would call you names and pull your hair
You didn't tell your parents, just me
Sometimes it made you cry
But I tried my best to cheer you up
Usually it worked
Some people also made fun of you when they found out about me
You would talk about it, and then assure me you would never forget me
But eventually, it got to you
There were days you came home and cried, and ignored me
By high school, there were days I completely faded away
I'm not sure if you started to forget me, or got rid of me
I was lucky if you talked to me once a month
But I didn't mind
It was part of life
I was there when you moved to college
It was a big change
But you seemed to enjoy it
For me though, I was only there for a day every now and then
You really had started to forget me
Now here we are, a few weeks from your graduation
I can feel myself fading away, my arms and legs are disappearing
But I don't mind
I know you'll do fine
Good-bye
Welcome to Oakdale!
Oakdale is a small town. It's a small and nice town, filled with good people. Oak trees are all over this town, that's where the name comes from. As any town does, plenty of stories come from those woods. So, don't go looking too deep. Visitors should stay on designated visitor trails when out for a forest stroll. Don't talk to anyone you see that is off the path. Anyways- there are many great restaurants and stores. Dan's butchery is known for its amazing meat! Don't ask what the chili is made of . There are some stories going around about Deadly Dan, sorry I mean Dan, that could ruin his reputation. What's in the meat? I thought I just said don't ask that. No worries! It includes Ms. Smith, Dr. Daniel, and little Mavis. Huh? Oh, I mean't that they help with the process in the kitchen. Are you crazy? Moving on to entertainment. There's a local book store with lots of choices. They even have old skin bound books if that's more your style. Did I mean leather bound? No, but yes let's go with that. There's also a bakery in downtown. They sell brownies, cookies, and everything in between. Sometimes they make you feel a little tipsy. Are they spiked? No silly! Spiking something has malicious intent. This is all good fun! Let's meet some residents now! First is Mr. Sullivan. Him and his girlfriend Ms. Sanders live in the beautiful historic downtown district! Ms. Jones and him love to take walks around the gorgeous area. Ms. Hernandez writes in the nature section of the news paper! Who am I talking about? Well Ms. Jenny of course! I've said several different names? Oh, I do apologize. It's so hard to keep track of them all. Poor Mr. Sullivan and his girls; they keep going missing and turning up dismembered. Mr. Sullivan is pretty unlucky. You know speaking of, I haven't see Ms. Jenny in a week or so. Ah well, she's probably fine! On to Mrs. Anderson! She is very well known in Oakdale. She doesn't like children very much though. Does she eat them? Oh goodness, did you hear about the rumor of screaming coming from her basement? Yes? It was one time! The child was very really rude, so she snapped at him and he got mad and started screaming. Where is he now you ask? Well he is missing, and I did say that she...snapped...at him. He probably just ran off to sulk about it. Oh ignore the blood stain over there, I suppose clean up crew hasn't gotten to it yet. Let's circle back around to the nature. Oakdale has plenty of public parks. They have playgrounds for the kids, and walking paths for anyone! Some even have trails through the woods. What's that weird shallow hole over there? Is there an arm sticking out of it you ask? Oh, poor Tommy...don't mind that. So, what are you thinking about Oakdale so far?
Thomas and Marilyn
It has been two months since his death. My sweet Thomas's death. This grief is overwhelming. Everything reminds me of him. The color green was his favorite on anything. He loved stargazing in the middle of the night. Even seeing his favorite candy in the store can bring me to tears. I miss him. Oh, I miss him it's unbearable. He was so veracious. Anytime we had an argument, he would always tell me his honest truth. He would also make sure that neither of us went to bed angry, even if our conflict wasn't resolved yet. He was never indolent. He put his whole heart into everything he did, especially his passions. In its incipience, our relationship seemed like it wouldn't last long, but the more we fell for each other, the more comprehensible it became that we were meant for each other. One high school and college graduation later we were married. For only a short three years would we be married though. It befogs me why it couldn't have lasted longer. After all, when two people are meant for each other they live happily ever after. So, where's my happy ending? My alarm distracts my thoughts away. My room is lonely, boring, and emotionless. It's all I have. If only Thomas were here. There's an upbeat tune playing. Where is that coming from? Oh, it's the phone in my room. Not a cellular phone, but rather one that just sits on my desk plugged into the wall. It's sitting on the table with the rounded corners. I click answer. "Marilyn?" I stay silent. It's my sister. "Marilyn are you there?" Yes, I'm here. "Yes." I reply. "I'm so glad! I've missed you! They wouldn't let me call you for your first two months there." "Oh." I say. Who is she talking about? Who would not let her call me? "How is it there?" There? Does she mean home? She is speaking strangely. "Fine." "Do you remember what happened yet?" she asks me. There is a hesitation in her voice. "Remember what?" I ask. Something must be wrong. "His death Marilyn." Of course I remember my husbands death. "Of course." She sighs a sigh of relief, but it might also be pain. "Do you feel bad about it?" "Of course I do, he's my husband and he died a sad, accidental death.""That's not what I mean Marilyn." she sighs again. What does she mean? "What made you go so far?" What did I do? I didn't do anything. "I didn't do anything." "You don't remember?" she pauses, "It's okay Mar, they say you should remember eventually." Remember what? "Okay." "I've got to go for now Marilyn. I'll talk to you later, okay?" "Okay." "I love you!" I don't respond. The phone clicks and the dial tone starts playing. As I put down the phone, someone enters my room. Who would be in my home? 'Marilyn?" a man's voice asks. I turn to him. He has a long, white coat on. "Do you feel like joining the others today?" I don't respond. "That's alright. You'll get there." He turns to leave but I stop him, "Did I do something?" He hesitates, "Yes Marilyn, you did something." I stare blankly at hime for a few moments. "What did I do?" He considers the question and takes a seat on my table. "You remember your husband, correct?" I nod. "You also know that he has passed away?" I nod. "Do you remember how he died?" I think about it. Thomas died from a drunk driver. "A drunk driver." He shakes his head. "That's okay. You may not have memories from the event." What? "You killed him, Marilyn. You felt like you had no way out. You brain is blocking out the memories of it." No way out of what? I didn't want to get out of anything. "He abused you. He hit you and controlled you." What? No. He would never. "Marilyn, we think your brain is creating new memories to cope. From what we can gather, you believe you've been imagining a new life." He doesn't know what he's talking about. Thomas loved me and I loved him. He would never hurt me and I never him. "Breakfast will be here in 10 minutes." He gets up and leaves. I don't believe him. Why was he in my house anyway? So, as I was thinking, my dear Thomas was lovely...