Common Conversation?
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I said so.”
“That’s not a reason.”
“It is to me.”
“Give me a real reason.”
“You already know the reason.”
“But everyone else will have one.”
“I do not care what everyone else has or does. It’s not the way we do things.”
“Maybe it’s time to change.”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No and stop asking.”
“You are so mean.”
“You will thank me for this one day.”
“No I will not.”
The child stomps out of the room and up the stairs yelling,
“All I want is a real turkey for Thanksgiving not that disgusting Tofurkey!”
Zombie Love Song
My dear I miss you now you’re dead
I want you nightly in my bed
What is that you just said?
“Brains, brains, brains…”
Your rotting breast I long to hold
Your inner love has now gone cold
My friends all say your love is old
“Brains, brains, brains…”
Your lovely eye has just popped out
And fallen in the sauerkraut
I love you still, please do not doubt
“Brains, brains, brains…”
Your chubby ass has turned quite black
Your nipples grey, your belly slack
And still I want you in the sack
“Brains, brains, brains…”
I want to slide myself in you
Kiss your lips and your neck too
But all I see is moldy goo
“Brains, brains, brains…”
I can’t resist your deadly charms
Though your smell starts fire alarms
So hold me in your rotting arms
“Brains, brains, brains…”
My love for you drives me insane
And still you sing the same refrain
So please, please eat my little brain
“Brains, brains, brai…”
Great Granny and the Metal Skates
I went to show my Grandmother my new skates, Great Granny actually, and she began to tell a story (as usual).
“When I was a a little girl we were very poor, it was hard to find and keep jobs. My mother and father worked long hours when they could get work but did not make much money. I was the oldest, had a younger brother and sister, your great aunt and uncle you know. We didn’t have many toys or clothes and most of what we had were hand-me-downs. Well one day the woman who took care of us during the day brought me a present – roller skates that her daughter no longer used. They weren’t like those that you have, they were metal and had a strap and you used a key to tighten..”
“Yes Granny, I’ve seen pictures,” I interrupted.
“Well…I was so excited I ran next door to my friend Josephine’s house to show her. Her family was even poorer than mine, she had four brothers and two sisters! I put on the skates and skated up and down the road - this very road here - while she watched from the porch steps, then I gave her the skates and she did the same. We switched back and forth a few times and began to see that it wasn’t that much fun; skating alone while the other watched.
Next time I stopped I just gave one skate to Josephine. Now we could skate together, her with the right skate, pushing with her left foot and me with the left skate, pushing with my right foot.
We went skating like this every day for about a week and one evening my mother was looking at my shoes and she asked why the right shoe was so scuffed up and didn’t I know that these shoes had to last me until they didn’t fit anymore and then had to last through my sister wearing them. She didn’t wait for and answer but I knew I’d better be more careful. Josephine’s mother never said anything about her shoes. I guess she didn’t have time to worry about them.
It seemed I thought about what to do all that night. Next day I told Josephine to give me her skate and I gave her mine. And we kept on skating together each of us with one skate but every day we would change so my shoes would wear out evenly. That’s what we did. We were friends you know…"
Granny looked off towards the house next door. I stood up and hugged her. “Thanks Granny.”
GOBlins Have Arrived
The creatures on the street now
Are looking for a treat now
Skeletons and ghosts and ghouls
Are traveling to meet now
Hear them banging on the door
And turning up the heat now
So worried I will run out
Of the salty and sweet now
HA! SPam finished all ten trials
Leftover junk will eat now.
The Best Laid Plans
Caspar, leader of the Cropeons, laid out his plan of attack on the eagles to Cooper and Crispen. Caspar told Cooper they would fly near the convocation, distracting the adults. Crispen would then kill the eaglets. They flew to the nest and split up. Cooper headed east; half of the eagles following. He turned to a field with hideous scarecrows. He was not afraid but knew the eagles would be. The eagles saw the scarecrows, turned and went after Caspar. Cooper heard shrieks as the flock caught up to Caspar. Cooper nodded, now he would be leader of the murder.
