Despite all of my avoidance and sidestepping, the memory has caught me. It weighs down on me and is crushing my legs, making it imposible to move. But, I must move. I must keep marching on so it can't bite me. If it does the poison will make my mind will drift, pack up, and move far away, where I will never be able to find it again.
Shel cannot believe he is waiting around for a phone call. He only went out with Belinda, "Bee", as she like to be called, three times, but he was sure she was the one. Belinda, (he wanted to be different and not call her Bee) was the perfect woman. He loved her hair, her eyes, and that body that wouldn't quit! She was so much fun to be around. She said she would get a hold of him to confirm weekend plans. He was finally going to show her off to his buddies.
It's only five o'clock. She gets out of work at four, Shel thinks he needs to chill. He has called her every day this week and left two messages each day. It is Thursday, she will get a hold of me, he thinks. Shel thought for sure she would have called yesterday because he hasn't heard from her since Monday. But, she has a stressful job. She will call, he knows she will. They get along so well and Shel dotes on her every word. He can't believe he is so smitten with her. But who wouldn't be? Belinda is the greatest.
Shel's phone starts buzzing. He jumps with anticipation. Yes! They can finally confirm their plans. Shel feels the blood rush out of his face when he sees the caller ID.
"Jesus Christ! When is she going to get it?" Shel throws his phone down.
Mia is so annoying! Shel met her two weeks before he met Belinda. They went out a few times, had some fun, and Mia doted on his every word. But, he just started not returning her phone calls, even though they had plans to go to her friends cottage. He just wasn't feeling it like she was and he didn't want to lead her on. So he did what he thought was the easiest thing to do, just ignore her until she went away. But, she is still calling and leaving messages. What the hell? Shel is so aggravated.
He picks up his phone, it is 5:10, seems like a good time to get a hold of Belinda, Miss Bee, Miss Perfect, he thinks to himself with a smile plastered on his face. He dials her number... one ring, two rings, three rings,.. "Hey, this be Beeeeee! You know what to do!" Beep!
Who Cares? You?
Who cares about your saggy eyelids, aging skin, love handles, night sweats, and feelings of impending doom? Do you think I really care about your anxiety ridden brain, your endless buttbuilding exercises that DON'T work, your new eating habits? Do you think I sit around and worry about your mood swings, your condescending remarks, and if you'll be mad if I live my life? I went through the same things and you were a total bitch about it. So do you think I really care about you? Boo hoo! You're aging and your looks are gone and you never lived up to your potential. Who cares???? I guess only you do.
I see someone giving money to a homeless man
What about me? I am hungry
I see a sad woman getting a hug
What about me? I am broken
I hear my children begging me for my love
What about me? I have been hurt
I hear praise given for acts of kindness
What about me?I know the world is suffering
Don't you notice me? I feel so much for others
So come join me and my selective memory
And see how kind and caring I am
So when it comes time to praise the unselfish
You will not dare forget about me
Everything looks so clear
Too clear like a dream
Am I really here?
Here comes the racing heartbeat
The dizzy head
The fear of someone noticing
My mind is sceaming!
You are insane! Run!
Get out of here, call 911!
The shakes arrive
Hey, am I breathing?
I can't die here with all of these people
I need to run! Run!
I have to call 911!
I always knew this day would come
To the looney bin, my life is done!
Is someone looking?
Don't you dare cry, I can just run
Yes run! Pretend I have to pee!
Whoa is me, I cannot die here
Wait...I can focus
Maybe the straightjacket can wait
Until the next time...