these are

overcast skies &

i've been too

tired to open

the blinds for a while,

let the air in

maybe if we

suffocate together

we can call it romantic.

instead of pathetic

tripping over yourself

to close your eyes,

using his voice like a lifeline,

hedge maze after hedge maze

the phone line still rings

somewhere,

aren't you dying

to pick it up,

aren't you dying,

you wouldn't be here if

we all weren't slowly dying

this is comfort after all:

throw up the words again,

hate yourself, hate him,

hate yourself more.

it's a virus, you're the virus,

this is comfort, this is void.

you decided to be here.

you decide to stay.

over & over again

you think its the flowers

you think its the songs

you fall in love too much

without any daydreams

always the calculation

never the mathematician

swimming through holes

built under ground

rock spires and sudden winds

forgotten realms and other things

we swore fealty

we fell on our swords

its over over over

near the heart it swells

focus the energy

play the fool

sing to the treetops

write silence until the palms

of your hands bleed out

youre never never never

running away from the things

that you know

buried deep in your throat

every time you suck in a new breath

toil under the sun moon gods

wring your hands of sin

beg for another day of this

sink your feet in

wish for better

never over over over

near the heart it ends

corset

sun breeze

quick sex

car drive

another week

paranoia

message

skip work

self checkout

solo

linoleum

one pink line

sigh

sign

cheat fate

didn't want it

hurt

didn't want it

"gambit"

paranoia

charred heart

sob

parallel

didn't want it

impossible

possible

choice?

tears

intersect

didn't happen

deserved

imagination

ghost regret

status

life

work

sex

trembling heart

still

status quo

- you watch because she's beautiful; bangs and black boots and she's by herself, like you'd rather be

- model ship watches from above a cooler of beer, reeks of incense, floor slippery with dirty mop water

- laughing from behind you, subway, underground, arched ceiling brick beautiful but no one seems to notice when they see it all the time

- empty mall, clean space sterile; silent footsteps like where am i

- towering window walls, stories after stories after stories above you

- he asks for money, we walk, he asks for money, raises one hand to the dark sky and speaks of god's lines on his palms

- fuzzy star jacket, cheetah print converse, black glasses; stranger

- round overlook, a little boy waves from the window and you didn't wave back

- sticky seat in the corner of the bar, not here (or there) enough

- early light on the empty passenger seat, she watches from the backyard of a stranger's house

- mispainted walls inside an unknown place, light from a box, icing on your fingers

- leg bouncing like a scream underneath restaurant table as the conversation spins round and round and round you

- twos and twos and twos, even and still you're left behind (odd)

- roots growing around the edges of the bus stop sign, wind battering your sides, traffic left right; left

- teeth chattering despite the sticky sweat on your back, not cold just uncontrolled

- lake blues greens sky waters beauty: flash by too quick

- white sheets no color in the dark, just silent cold tears

You know we were somewhere

You know the city smells like fire

And the streets here shine golden in the sun

But without

When I'm without

When I'm left with a head half open

To catch the extra rain

It's like icy water

And I'm falling backwards

Into the river

There are tears on my skin

There are tears on my skin

Metal handles, windy hair

Knuckles worn from holding the clouds

Windows and rows of teeth

Glimmering across the water

But without

Dog in a cage

Dying flower

Light behind our eyes

Without without without

Reason

There are tears

three mouthed dragon

and you were its master

until the sun went down

and the light slipped from its eyes

and the teeth were nothing but shadows

it became you

three headed

whipping its tail from side to side

it became you

in one tongue the fear

forked and dripping

and longer than the road home

in one throat the jealousy

heat burning the esophagus

unshed flames curling along the roof of the mouth

in one mouth the despair

hidden and twisted

choked between the pointed teeth

like a prisoner behind bars

you feed it

you starve it

you know nothing but three mouths

and nightshadowed eyes

it became you

will you become it?

thinbones missing the sun

great calamity & peanutbrittle laughter

collard greens, ropes beneath the ground

like snake skin shedding and becoming

new homes for the bugs, beetles, bark

scissors on a string

loose dangle a bit too sharp

slip and you'll cut

worms in the brain

tied poisoned finally free

eating thoughts like candycorn

melonscented toothpaste

sliding down your throat

just breathe

humanlimbs openeyes tree bark fingers

it all ends it all ends it all ends

sing, bleed tomatosoup

carousel round, hooves pounding

hearts spinning

buttercup, look at me, i miss you

it all ends?

wayfinding

by design

human feet aligned with those of the forest dwellers

millennia before us, ancient stones

hanging against our breasts, echoes

of ancient drumbeats matching the

stomping of feet across prairie

we are free

birds dive, frogs jump playfully on top of one another,

beavers slip beneath the water's surface,

and turtles raise their heads from their log thrones

the beat of the forest vibrates within our bones

leave a gift for the trolls,

watch the water ripple with life as the clouds pass,

the reflection a reminder of

who we were, what it was, and what it means

dust your feet off at the junction,

whisper your darkest secret into the light of the moon,

its ear curved and cold and stoic

the goddess watches,

the amethyst flowers curl under your toes

like the new bloom - remember who you are;

seek the soil;

toil under the sun but praise the light;

we are what we are what we are

new life

dusty roots

walking on the skin of the forest

rebecoming it

step by step by step

time is a waterfall.

we're drowning in it.

see me getting strangled

by the demons of the past

or the now

each creature, each claw,

built by my own hand

to tear me down.

blood-sucking insecurities

and you're one

that time might take this away

that we might take away time

from what was, is, could

there are forevers written on your lips,

mirrored on mine, reflected, drowning,

washed away by the wind.

doesn't mean a thing when you can't say it now

touch me, forget me, wring me out and

do it all over again.

i live in washing machine cycles

and would rather be chased by the shadows than

stand still all over again

i believe in this, and in nothing.

i'm made of sponge and soft like clay.

hard to know if that's enough for you

harder to know if it's enough for me

this is the jacket with the sewn-on sleeves

handstitched, threadbare,

one pocket on the left side

no buttons, just thread and

sun-tinted circular outlines

we wore it

over and over again

you in one sleeve and

i in the other

fit so well but

it's frayed now

left on the clothesline and

the pocket's been ripped off by the birds

now it sits in the closet.

waiting for repair,

needle threaded but hands hesitating

it's frayed now

doesn't fit the same but the

fabric's softer than ever when you touch the collar

fingers remember the stiff form, the original sleeves

it will see more bad days

lose more threads and wear holes into the fabric

and so we shall

remake, patch, and pin

see the sunlight and dissolve some more

since nothing worth loving

ever need sit still in the closet forever

we wear it

over and over again