

just the gentle shake of the roaring thunder:
these are
overcast skies &
i've been too
tired to open
the blinds for a while,
let the air in
maybe if we
suffocate together
we can call it romantic.
instead of pathetic
tripping over yourself
to close your eyes,
using his voice like a lifeline,
hedge maze after hedge maze
the phone line still rings
somewhere,
aren't you dying
to pick it up,
aren't you dying,
you wouldn't be here if
we all weren't slowly dying
this is comfort after all:
throw up the words again,
hate yourself, hate him,
hate yourself more.
it's a virus, you're the virus,
this is comfort, this is void.
you decided to be here.
you decide to stay.
over & over again
near the heart it ends
you think its the flowers
you think its the songs
you fall in love too much
without any daydreams
always the calculation
never the mathematician
swimming through holes
built under ground
rock spires and sudden winds
forgotten realms and other things
we swore fealty
we fell on our swords
its over over over
near the heart it swells
focus the energy
play the fool
sing to the treetops
write silence until the palms
of your hands bleed out
youre never never never
running away from the things
that you know
buried deep in your throat
every time you suck in a new breath
toil under the sun moon gods
wring your hands of sin
beg for another day of this
sink your feet in
wish for better
never over over over
near the heart it ends
cycle
corset
sun breeze
quick sex
car drive
another week
paranoia
message
skip work
self checkout
solo
linoleum
one pink line
sigh
sign
cheat fate
didn't want it
hurt
didn't want it
"gambit"
paranoia
charred heart
sob
parallel
didn't want it
impossible
possible
choice?
tears
intersect
didn't happen
deserved
imagination
ghost regret
status
life
work
sex
trembling heart
still
status quo
chicago
- you watch because she's beautiful; bangs and black boots and she's by herself, like you'd rather be
- model ship watches from above a cooler of beer, reeks of incense, floor slippery with dirty mop water
- laughing from behind you, subway, underground, arched ceiling brick beautiful but no one seems to notice when they see it all the time
- empty mall, clean space sterile; silent footsteps like where am i
- towering window walls, stories after stories after stories above you
- he asks for money, we walk, he asks for money, raises one hand to the dark sky and speaks of god's lines on his palms
- fuzzy star jacket, cheetah print converse, black glasses; stranger
- round overlook, a little boy waves from the window and you didn't wave back
- sticky seat in the corner of the bar, not here (or there) enough
- early light on the empty passenger seat, she watches from the backyard of a stranger's house
- mispainted walls inside an unknown place, light from a box, icing on your fingers
- leg bouncing like a scream underneath restaurant table as the conversation spins round and round and round you
- twos and twos and twos, even and still you're left behind (odd)
- roots growing around the edges of the bus stop sign, wind battering your sides, traffic left right; left
- teeth chattering despite the sticky sweat on your back, not cold just uncontrolled
- lake blues greens sky waters beauty: flash by too quick
- white sheets no color in the dark, just silent cold tears
Without
You know we were somewhere
You know the city smells like fire
And the streets here shine golden in the sun
But without
When I'm without
When I'm left with a head half open
To catch the extra rain
It's like icy water
And I'm falling backwards
Into the river
There are tears on my skin
There are tears on my skin
Metal handles, windy hair
Knuckles worn from holding the clouds
Windows and rows of teeth
Glimmering across the water
But without
Dog in a cage
Dying flower
Light behind our eyes
Without without without
Reason
There are tears
three mouthed dragon
three mouthed dragon
and you were its master
until the sun went down
and the light slipped from its eyes
and the teeth were nothing but shadows
it became you
three headed
whipping its tail from side to side
it became you
in one tongue the fear
forked and dripping
and longer than the road home
in one throat the jealousy
heat burning the esophagus
unshed flames curling along the roof of the mouth
in one mouth the despair
hidden and twisted
choked between the pointed teeth
like a prisoner behind bars
you feed it
you starve it
you know nothing but three mouths
and nightshadowed eyes
it became you
will you become it?
look at me, i miss you
thinbones missing the sun
great calamity & peanutbrittle laughter
collard greens, ropes beneath the ground
like snake skin shedding and becoming
new homes for the bugs, beetles, bark
scissors on a string
loose dangle a bit too sharp
slip and you'll cut
worms in the brain
tied poisoned finally free
eating thoughts like candycorn
melonscented toothpaste
sliding down your throat
just breathe
humanlimbs openeyes tree bark fingers
it all ends it all ends it all ends
sing, bleed tomatosoup
carousel round, hooves pounding
hearts spinning
buttercup, look at me, i miss you
it all ends?
ancient footprints in the dirt
wayfinding
by design
human feet aligned with those of the forest dwellers
millennia before us, ancient stones
hanging against our breasts, echoes
of ancient drumbeats matching the
stomping of feet across prairie
we are free
birds dive, frogs jump playfully on top of one another,
beavers slip beneath the water's surface,
and turtles raise their heads from their log thrones
the beat of the forest vibrates within our bones
leave a gift for the trolls,
watch the water ripple with life as the clouds pass,
the reflection a reminder of
who we were, what it was, and what it means
dust your feet off at the junction,
whisper your darkest secret into the light of the moon,
its ear curved and cold and stoic
the goddess watches,
the amethyst flowers curl under your toes
like the new bloom - remember who you are;
seek the soil;
toil under the sun but praise the light;
we are what we are what we are
new life
dusty roots
walking on the skin of the forest
rebecoming it
step by step by step
shadows at the throat
time is a waterfall.
we're drowning in it.
see me getting strangled
by the demons of the past
or the now
each creature, each claw,
built by my own hand
to tear me down.
blood-sucking insecurities
and you're one
that time might take this away
that we might take away time
from what was, is, could
there are forevers written on your lips,
mirrored on mine, reflected, drowning,
washed away by the wind.
doesn't mean a thing when you can't say it now
touch me, forget me, wring me out and
do it all over again.
i live in washing machine cycles
and would rather be chased by the shadows than
stand still all over again
i believe in this, and in nothing.
i'm made of sponge and soft like clay.
hard to know if that's enough for you
harder to know if it's enough for me
handstitched jacket
this is the jacket with the sewn-on sleeves
handstitched, threadbare,
one pocket on the left side
no buttons, just thread and
sun-tinted circular outlines
we wore it
over and over again
you in one sleeve and
i in the other
fit so well but
it's frayed now
left on the clothesline and
the pocket's been ripped off by the birds
now it sits in the closet.
waiting for repair,
needle threaded but hands hesitating
it's frayed now
doesn't fit the same but the
fabric's softer than ever when you touch the collar
fingers remember the stiff form, the original sleeves
it will see more bad days
lose more threads and wear holes into the fabric
and so we shall
remake, patch, and pin
see the sunlight and dissolve some more
since nothing worth loving
ever need sit still in the closet forever
we wear it
over and over again