Reward System B.S.
Okay.
So,
you get mad
when he doesn't do anything in your class.
He sits with his head down
and responds to your requests
with whining and rudeness.
YET,
you continue to reward his bad behavior,
by giving his prizes and candy.
Why are we rewarding for no effort in schools?
It takes away the accomplishment from others
who are working hard
and putting in the effort to get their shit done.
Because why try
when you can be rewarded for mediocrity?
Life Giving Fun
I cannot tell a lie,
it's nice to have the spotlight for once.
It's nice to have people like my creativity
when it was made fun of for so long.
I want to be seen as a funny person,
but sadly a lot of people think that I am stupid
or uneducated just because I want to share my joy with others.
I want to do creative things,
make videos
and sing,
act and make art.
But sadly,
we live in a world where people see that as a silly hobby
or a waste of time.
But lately
it's the only thing giving me life.
My Ex’s Brother
I don't want to see your brother.
I know he knows about everything that happened in our relationship.
I'm sure you told him everything,
all the details,
even ones that painted me in a bad light.
Hell,
I'm sure he knows things that even you never communicated to me.
I don't hate your brother,
honestly he was kind and even took my side on so many occasions.
But the idea of seeing him again,
after all these years
makes my skin crawl.
I just don't want all these years of progress
to come to a halt because of overthinking
about what I say or do being shared back to you,
like I'm a target that needs to be surveyed.
And I'm sure it's all up in my head,
that people don't actually care as much as I do,
but I just feel queasy at the idea
of seeing your brother again.
Pent Up
I can feel the pressure rising in my chest,
all my anger wants to come to the surface
and just release in a huge explosion.
Keep the peace,
keep the peace.
I've always had to keep it together
not let the anger come out
because to everyone
anger is bad and that makes me bad.
Keep the peace,
keep the peace.
The constant probing and prodding
is becoming all too much,
it's like you're asking me to burst
and crumble in the dust.
Keep the peace,
keep the
How’s your day going?
I'm always going to be that anxious little girl.
The one who can't help but slip into the shadows.
The one that feels like they are outside looking in,
struggling to make connections anywhere I go.
I just want to feel like I fit.
That people actually want to be in my presence,
instead of feeling like people pity me
and feel like they must include me when they really don't want to.
I think it's just best to continue to leave people at an arms length,
switch my thinking into seeing myself as mysterious
and always going off to wherever the wind takes me.
When in actuality,
I'm crying in my car
because I felt like no one wanted to talk with me at the party
other than my mom.
Hope is for Suckers
I'm not getting my hopes up.
I've had too many people speak flowery language into my life
only to make me feel like I'm the fool for believing their lies.
I'm not getting my hopes up.
Allowing you to have all the power
only to take it away at the last minute
and try to convince me that it didn't mean anything
or that it was all pretend.
I'm not getting my hopes up.
Because deep down,
I know you don't mean it.
I know you don't.
I know you,
and you don't.
I guess I'll continue to be your distraction,
your escape,
because I can only be the person you want me to be,
when you control me in your mind
and in your dreams.
Secret and Safe
I could tell them all that I had a brain tumor
that I overcame an obstacle that was so difficult
and I made it through successfully.
But I fear I will be met with one of two responses.
One,
the person could see me as broken,
damaged,
that I am to be coddled and held
and that I am too fragile to do anything that I set my mind to.
Or,
They could look at me,
and say,
"that makes so much sense,"
"I knew something was off about you,"
"that's why you are the way you are,"
Both seem like terrible options,
so I'll keep it a secret,
I'll keep it safe,
and at the same time
keep myself secret and safe.