Guys are pigs 

I can't say much else about them

I have had many experiences with guys

Just within the past year

That may sound bad 

But it's true...

Fist there was Josh

He made me so happy

He was my world

He actually wasn't a bad guy

I messed things up with him

Which leads me to...

Second Trent 

He kissed me

He kept pushing himself on me 

Knowing I had a boyfriend

He didn't care

Eventually I just stopped fighting it

After my boyfriend broke up with me 

Trent wanted nothing to do with me 

He also bad mouthed me to my best friend...

Third Caleb 

My other best friend's crush

She had sex with him 

She was crazy about him

He was not right for her

In a way I might have done this to show her he was bad

Or maybe I was just tying to cover my own pain

I kissed him

The I had sex with him

He promised me he was done with her

I soon realized he lied to me...

Fourth Ronald 

He had a girlfriend

Broke up with her

Kissed me 

Wanted to have sex with me 

Told me he was done with his girlfriend

His girlfriend came after me 

And now who's the happy couple...

Fifth Kody

He was actually kind of on going 

He has just wanted to be friends with benefits 

I was okay with that 

Just because at least with this situation I could control if I got hurt or not 

We would talk I would give him stuff

Then I text him one day 

I say, hey Kody

I get a response back "Hi this is Kody's girlfriend"

Well alrighty then

Kody has not messaged me since

I shouldn't be surprised with him because he's done this before

I'm always the 'side hoe' with him...

 And sixth Rick

Dame he is hot

He doesn't want a relationship 

He just wants sex...

This is what I have dealt with in the past year...

I'm done with it...

I'm tired of hurting...

So I just pretty much stopped caring...

Guys are pigs there is no question...

I want to be a guys first choice

Someone who he wants to give the world too

I want to feel important to a guy

I don't just want to be that girl who's just there anymore...

I thought I would share because I'm sick of being lied to.

I am so tired of being lied to 

You can choose to be with her

Getting slapped

Getting yelled at

Not truly being appreciated

She doesn't understand you 

She thinks so little of you 

You just let her push you around

I on the other hand know who you are

I think the best of you 

I would never hurt you 

I love so deeply 

I would always be here for you 

And

I would never cheat on you

But hey I can't get mad at you for going back to her

It's your choice

But I don't like being lied to

So yeah 

What's done is done  

I walk around just like anyone else would

But I don't get it 

What's the point of walking 

To get from one place to the next

What's the point of getting form one place to the next

To have a life

Why were we given life 

To fuck up 

To hurt 

To love 

To die

Just what is the point?

I try to hard but I never come first 

I've never received flowers

I've never been one that people were envious of

I know how people feel about me 

I know what they say 

I know what they think

They think they know me 

But no one really takes the time to get to know me 

I am me 

I cry 

I laugh 

I'm sad

I'm happy

I'm alone 

I feel pain 

I love unconditionally  

But I'm never first choice

I'm always booty call

I'm always a well maybe just for a second

I'm a just until someone better comes along 

I'm not what people desire

I learned this the hard way! <3

She loved me,

Or so she said

Lying to me was her first mistake 

Damn she thought she was clever

Sneaking around behind my back

Only to come back home to me and lie to my face

HAHAHA!

I loved her 

I did but love is not one sided

Nothing is really one sided

Sadly she is gone now 

When we promised our lives to each other we meant it

I still love her

She still loves me 

She loves me from the grave which she dug for herself

So now I release her from her vows 

She is now free!

She was sweet 

She was kind

* whispers* 

( Who the fuck wrote this?

Did they even know her?)

She took her own life

Hurtful words hurt her

She wanted to be free

Her last words she told me were

" You never really heal"

Good-bye Angle you'll be missed!

You said said you gradually started losing feelings for me. What the hell! Really? Just a week ago you were telling me that we were fine that you loved me that I was all you wanted. You made me feel special but that was a lie. You know what I don't care anymore, I did everything I could and now I don't feel a GOD DAMN THING:) people say that I've gone crazy.. maybe.  At first I hurt but now it is what it is I'm not happy I'm not sad and I'm not angry anymore. I lost my virginity to someone who meant nothing to me and sure knowing that hurt at first but now its just something that happened. How do you like me now, you still fucking love me hahahaha no, no you don't you don't give two fucks about me and you know what same goes to you. The way I feel right now is a dangerous way to feel, I hit my self- destruct button and it's slowly working. I may be falling apart but at least now you don't have to be here to watch me tumble and fall. You told me you don't care anymore so now its my turn I hope your life works out great for you, you can call me when your done with your shit. 

This world is dark and twisted, what was once fine and lovable has slowly perished with time. You can not tell me you do not see it, it was right in front of you. You lied to me, you knew how you felt but you tried to make yourself feel something different. Just be honest that's all I ask of you. I can't change what happened and neither can you, so are we just going to sit here and dwell on the past? Can we move past this or is this just the end? Your the only one who can't forgive and forget and its holding me back as well. I'M SORRY! I can't say it enough, but I am not the only one who wronged in this, it was your fault too but I will take your blame. I just want your honesty tell me what I can do to keep you around. You told me you would never leave me... LIE. You told me you loved me... LIE. You told me I couldn't change your mind about me...LIE. You told me I was perfect in your eyes...LIE. What the fuck really,obviously you can't be honest. I can't try anymore, I won't if you want me you know where I am but until that day I out of your life because I'm done with your twisted fucking logic.

Great advice, don't bleed, do you think I choose to have all these open wounds? I don't want to bleed this is what the world has chosen for me to do what I don't want to do, someone has to be the example or others will not learn. Don't judge me your not witnessing what is happening behind closed doors. I used to care what others say, if you asked me yesterday if I cared about anything I would have said, yes I care about everything. But today I laugh at the thought of caring it feels as if I've given, but if I've given up why am I still here. I cant feel anymore I want to but I cant there is a large tear in my heart and that tear replace me. The person the was loved and fun to be around, she's just gone. So you tell me not to bleed but if I someone who is just a shell of a person does not bleed then who will? I could not bring myself to ask a person who is happy to bleed, if no one bleeds who will be the example.

The loss of a love because your own betrayal; fair? No, I cheated then I lied that I will admit. You said you could forgive, you said you would be fine. If that itself was not a lie I would not be alone right now. You could not forgive, you are not fine and now everything we had is lost. I mess up, this is a pain of my own doing, I don't feel like I deserve to be happy so I found one way you scare my happiness away. The plans of a family, the plan of building a life together they all just washed away. Now when you think of me you think disgust, hatred, betrayal, and pain. I want to take you pain away but you cut me out of your life, at one point I was your world and now the thought of even letting me into your world hasn't even crossed your mind. The pain I feel is my own doing I can't fix what I've done and now I hear your voice playing over and over again telling me good- bye.