You refused to say hello. You refused to say goodbye.
You let me lay awake at night while you chose to get high.
I wanted to apologize. I wanted you to forgive.
Each day that passed while you ignored me was a day that I wanted to end.
For eight days I waited, and for those eight days I cried.
I couldn't believe that I hurt you so badly;
You wouldn't speak to me though I almost died.
And even a year later the thought of the waiting hurts.
The thought that you believed I had used you.
The thought that you wished I passed.
After the eight days I remember getting home, waiting for an answer.
After almost a year I still lay awake at night,
Wishing you said goodbye.
It used to hurt me to know that people didn't care about me.
I put my heart in everyone's hands and saw it crushed over and over again.
Then I got hit by a car at 40 mph and, like usual, barely anyone cared.
You have about a 15% chance to survive; I beat the odds...
Still that was not enough.
I quit taking pills and went to college...
That was not enough.
I apologized to people and tried to be happier...
That was not enough.
And after everything I've tried, I have come to realize that it is not me that isn't enough.
It's the people who never gave a damn that are not good enough for me.
Important Message to Self
This isn't so much a poem, a pretty piece or some prose.
It's more about the real life stuff, and about how karma is so real.
In high school I was sick, I suffered, and I was sad.
The people around me had stuck to me the label "bad".
And I tried to grow, tried to change; tried to rearrange the false ideas my peers had about me.
All I had to do was wait, actually.
Now I am in high standing, I am healthy, and in college.
I have found my niche, and am not judged; I am revered.
The same kids who mocked me, hurt me, stole from me, lied to me and about me; those same kids keep getting into legal trouble!
Within the past five months, two people who wronged me deeply have faced criminal charges. I should not be surprised.
The same people who told me I would be nothing are now in a worse place than I ever have been.
I continue to grow, and they continue to be swallowed by the false belief that they are superior.
I laugh at the idea that I was ever lesser. I laugh, now, because I am strong and they were always weak.