Plucked naked by the raven

I remember everything

hands cuffed and screaming

running with swift blisters

No escape

terror beyond speech

thrown in the trunk

of an old beige Cadillac

I could hear the thump

of bumps on the pavement

the spin of cars and darkness

freeway to a mass grave

dizzy with fear driven

to a field behind a drive in

XXX Midnight Theater

Muffled sound of moaning

The trunk popped open

He just looked at me

he was calm for a killer

Twisted

head bent with sweat

crooked cock wet

throbbing for the kill

dirty and old

smelling of Sulfur

It was clear

I was not the first

never to be seen again

just me now

awaiting death

being dragged

through mud

to the swing set

The day my eyes turned black

Time locked and spun backwards

A time capsule of pain

Impossible to retrace

Sitting in the lap of Satan

I was small but I was fierce

-Retaliate-

bite

slice

scratch

stab

gouge eyes and run

face forward into

the ignorant crowd

ignore the giant horned owl

watching closely

as they fuck in back seats

drinking blood from plastic cups

laughing like ignorant sleaze

Who really

Fell that

wicked night

I wish I may

I wish I might

Have this wish

I wish tonight

A white Angel appeared above a yellow swing

my voice box blown open

Releasing blood with a

scream that curdled milk

filling the cracked window

of a 57 Chevy

his slice of midnight spoiled

fed with bread by wolves

for several years in a fractured cell

the moon peeking from behind a dark cloud

the angel chased the owl away

stars hanging from a string

The sirens were too late for me

or so it seems

damage had bled and

seeped through

my skin causing it to

remain thick through

this lifetime and the next

Nothing will ever be the same

You can not change what you have seen

I just had to learn to breathe

He returned once

When I was 23

Standing under my orange tree

Hands in his pockets

Set free like a sick mouse

My eyes still a stone shade of black

He smiled "the one that got away."

I sneered and said,

"I will see you on the other side."

He replied, "no, you won't."

I said "oh, but yes! I certainly will."

Texting

Then

Shit!

Crash

Awake

Now

Cuffed?

Watching

Police

Lay

White

Sheet

Over

A

Carseat

My pills have morphed

from white to yellow

watching men hop

on the moon

as they dream of a future

suffocating on Mars

space

time

continuum..

Galaxies cause me to bolt out of bed

whipping insatiable mundane into order

ice water and another pill

studying my tradition

synapses slow upon a cloud

to soothe and settle

behind cobweb eyes

splashing and flicking

faces with Champagne

laughing uncontrollably

shoving money into sand

watching wind carry it all away

Billie Holiday in the desert

streetlights a consistent green

solitude and remembering

floating below anxiety

silk nylons hanging

over limbs of an orchid

he is prepping to return

as I prepare to escape

like wildfire

pretty bird,

your wings

aren’t broken

they’re just tired

of flying

through storms.

Falling out of skies

lava in veins

skin blistering

fire and snow

minds bending to

a golden ark

limbs drawn from

black ink into ice caps

cherry lips freezing metal

blushing heights

spinning past

centuries of honor

heavy wood of acacia

bowing beneath bodies

bamboo bruises marking

the years blocking wind

each crack an earthquake

born from volcanic shores

eyes of black wax and heat

devouring

soothing

wandering

the depth of shadow

blood expanding

exploding

emptying

exposing

an elapsing thief

Love

calling out to winds

remembering

reacting

drums striking

with heartbeats

built from steel

sighs whipping

through canyons

of clear blue water

feeling it there

against sandstone

with the strength

of a thousand suns

warming and releasing

fragile hearts

into solid iron core

minds surrendering

once and for all

till death do us part

Mirror, mirror, on the wall

Who's the fairest of them all?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

I try too hard,

I slip, I fall.

I fall until I am nothing at all.

Mirror, mirror, tall and grand,

I look in you,

I cannot stand, 

I cannot stand what I must understand.

Mirror, mirror, tried and true.

I push away,

but I'm not through. 

I will never be through, with this, with you.

Mirror, mirror, you may gleam,

Something is wrong,

The problem is me.

Me and everything else that is so obscene. 

Mirror, mirror, seems you're broke,

Fallen apart,

I still look.

I looked, and that was all it took. 

Mirror mirror, shook the ground,

Bright red wrists,

And a hospital gown.

Wretched gown, and tears falling down. 

Mirror, mirror, round and bright, 

Taken away, 

To fix my sight.

Without my sight, perhaps I can end this long night.

Mirror, mirror, light at last,

I am strong now,

Take away the broken glass.

The glass belongs in the past.

Mirror, mirror, passed the test,

Impossible, I failed,

Put it to rest.

Rest in peace to all dreams of being the best. 

Mirror, mirror, how it hurt,

To sell myself,

To prove my worth. 

Forsaken and rejected by all

I'm constantly harassed

Nobody cares that my feelings are crushed

I'm an outcast

I've always been excluded

Always been surpassed

The puppy that is never chosen

Just an outcast

Abandoned and friendless

I'm never first and always last

Isolated like a leper

I'm only an outcast

Feeling alone and always disowned

I'll be a death not worthy to broadcast

I'm described as lonely and deserted

I'm society's outcast

I thought I wanted to be like you.

Confident, alluring, daring.

You knew what you liked,

And what you didn't.

The only problem?

The things you liked aged you,

In ways unexplainable.

Drinking, smoking, boys.

Especially boys.

I wanted boys to like me, 

Just as they liked you.

So that night,

I did things I regret.

I left my comfort zone,

But worst of all I realized

In order to be like you,

I couldn't be like me.

I had to change for you.

I thought that I was okay with that.

You said I looked pretty,

What you meant was different.

You had different motives,

Wanting me

To want you.

But I had different ideas

Of what we were going to do.

I thought I was being daring.

Not alluring.

I wanted to be adventurous.

You wanted to be pleased.

I read you all wrong.

You read me all right.

You knew what I wanted,

But you got what you wanted.

I wish you would leave me alone,

But you keep coming back.

When I say no,

You change it to a yes.

You say that I'm the only one.

Yet you pretend,

I'm not in the room

When I am right next to you.

I know you see me,

More so than I would like.

But you pretend

That you see

Right through me.

I want you to say something.

Anything.

I crave for your attention,

Your praise.

There we where,

Me and you.

I tried to act calm,

But all I wanted was to be 

Somewhere else.

Anywhere else.

Back in my room.

Back at my house.

On a deserted highway bridge.

I wanted to be alone,

Not with you and your friends.

I wasn't comfortable

I would have payed you

To leave me alone.

Any amount really.

I would've done anything,

I just wanted out.

I still see you,

More often than I would like.

I can't forget past events,

I can't just make everything okay again.

I wish I could,

But that wish is reliant on you.

Will you make the first move?

I already know the answer,

No.

All you will do

Is make it seem as if it's my fault.

I want to set the blame

On someone, 

Something else.

But the only one

Responsible for this mess

Is you.

That night,

You preyed on her.

While looking to me for help.

You thought that

I was the one calling the shots.

What you didn't know 

Was that she couldn't be tamed,

Held down,

I had no control.

She got what she wanted,

You just didn't know yet,

That I wasn't her.

You expected too much out of me,

Even though you knew the truth.

I wasn't comfortable.

I was vulnerable.

You were the only one who noticed.

As much as I try to find

Another to blame

For stealing my innocence, 

All paths lead to you.

The one who knew my secrets,

Who earned my trust.

You stole my innocence,

Coaxing me to be more outgoing.

But really,

I was just turning into a new version of you.

You pretended that we were friends,

But then you stabbed my back.

You built me up,

Just to tear me down.

And the sad part is,

I still see you everyday,

And act like I'm your friend too.

Beauty is as beauty does

The soul knows that's the heart

Of the place where poetry goes

In search of sympathy and art.

It falls and withers I suppose

Til someone breathes a kiss

A sandy moment of nibbling bliss

Sometimes also killing us.

Then ofttimes cutting to the quick

Where the red fox lives her myth

Dreaming dreams of happiness

Hopefully found but often missed.

Just as the limpid pool is left forlorn

In the roseate gloom of a wispy dawn

Her lovely words a prickling thorn

Her anxious hopes disgarded pawns.

But then and thus we bear a cross

And vision images we can but mourn

That sometimes leave us at a loss

But teach us how to ease our pain.

While standing high above us tall

Finding us ancient mysteries

Is the oracle who can riddle us

And even make the priest confess.

It's a tough world we inhabit

With extremes of agony and bliss

To which the heart makes us listen

And the aching soul answers, 'I exist'.

Dear poet, or poets, if you find yourselves, this is about you. Otherwise, it is all about me, as I would like to see myself but can never be.