15 Minutes of decompression...

I already spent the last hour writing out my feelings in a journal because I can feel myself pulling away from everything. It has been 3 years since I wrote because I made my last journal entry before I had my son because I had a fear that I would die giving birth to him. Clearly i'm still here so that's awesome lol. It is strangely incredible to be alive, I never seen myself past 21 and here I am a decade later still getting up for the day and finding ways to appreciate what I once took for granted.

How absolutely beautiful it is to exist, amongst the pain and the wreckage of social relationships I am still happy to be able to feel and to suffer because I feel alive where I once did not. Thank you to all the people who have kept me company along this very winding path for such a long time. I used to wish things were different and only now do I realize that being able to appreciate each little thing that made you is just wild. I do find it hard to let people be nice to me still, maybe that will heal and maybe it won't. I can try and that is worth something. I wish I'd pursued my career as a therapist but I suppose I wouldn't have my son now because I would have been busy with another path.

How I yearn to see him live the best life he can. To not live through so much pain as I have but to grow and bloom just as beautiful. No, even more so. I feel like I burden you with these words but sometimes it's just nice to be seen by those who have no expectations in return. To be witnessed is a gift, so thank you. It's not every day I get such a compassionate audience to simply listen. Know that your presence is gorgeous in this world and all those small things you do are what matter. YOU matter. Try to be good to yourself ok? The world is hard enough on us, you don't have to be another abrasive factor. Also, that thing you're great at... keep doing it.

Wow, this turned from decompression to inspirational a little. See how much it matters to be heard? You did that <3 Now i'm just sitting and staring at the screen wondering how everyone is doing today. Good, I hope. If not, maybe we can send positive vibes for a better day tomorrow. Well I only have 30 seconds left so I wish you all the best and again.... Thanks.