My passion for you,

Insurmountable high tides,

You're my sun and moon,

My mornings and afternoons,

Can't spell lonesome without me

Your eyes like emeralds,

Touch so exhilarating,

Stronger than Iron,

Resilience I've never seen,

How am I worthy of you?

I already spent the last hour writing out my feelings in a journal because I can feel myself pulling away from everything. It has been 3 years since I wrote because I made my last journal entry before I had my son because I had a fear that I would die giving birth to him. Clearly i'm still here so that's awesome lol. It is strangely incredible to be alive, I never seen myself past 21 and here I am a decade later still getting up for the day and finding ways to appreciate what I once took for granted.

How absolutely beautiful it is to exist, amongst the pain and the wreckage of social relationships I am still happy to be able to feel and to suffer because I feel alive where I once did not. Thank you to all the people who have kept me company along this very winding path for such a long time. I used to wish things were different and only now do I realize that being able to appreciate each little thing that made you is just wild. I do find it hard to let people be nice to me still, maybe that will heal and maybe it won't. I can try and that is worth something. I wish I'd pursued my career as a therapist but I suppose I wouldn't have my son now because I would have been busy with another path.

How I yearn to see him live the best life he can. To not live through so much pain as I have but to grow and bloom just as beautiful. No, even more so. I feel like I burden you with these words but sometimes it's just nice to be seen by those who have no expectations in return. To be witnessed is a gift, so thank you. It's not every day I get such a compassionate audience to simply listen. Know that your presence is gorgeous in this world and all those small things you do are what matter. YOU matter. Try to be good to yourself ok? The world is hard enough on us, you don't have to be another abrasive factor. Also, that thing you're great at... keep doing it.

Wow, this turned from decompression to inspirational a little. See how much it matters to be heard? You did that <3 Now i'm just sitting and staring at the screen wondering how everyone is doing today. Good, I hope. If not, maybe we can send positive vibes for a better day tomorrow. Well I only have 30 seconds left so I wish you all the best and again.... Thanks.

These secrets I forgot to mention,

They hide & seek within my mansion,

My mind, a house, a labyrinth unattended

Why do I chase the full moon, with no intention of ever catching her,

Perhaps my life is a race with the universe,

Why is it taking so long to win?

Seems like a lifetime ago I was chasing the stars across the sky as they fell,

Not afraid to die now, I chase ghosts in my cemetery of memories.

Seen the sun before but I anticipate her rising now,

Brightening up the world with the Rays she casts off herself,

Bioluminescence at its finest, her core molten lava.

Where will my life take me next, maybe the moon?

Light filters through the lush tops, leaving an aura of green to behold, the morning sun accentuating their beauty

I walk amidst centurions, their strong standing bodies telling me of a history before my time, and I wonder, how many beings have stood in this grove and thought of the same beauty as I.

The smell of life and purification, lending such aid to existence,

I touch the bark and thank you kindly for all the air you've given me, most inspiring beings how I wish I could live among you.

Chronology crumbles, fragments, and splinters off,

Leaving time but an ever falling building waiting for its collapse,

No certainty of its end, no certainty of existence,

Just decay

So many infinite possibilities to the line of time, many highways nearly tangled together in a mass of contingency,

Where will we end up? The beginning or the end?

When we wake up, will time have been only a visage of a life once thought lived?

Unknown soldier,

You fight for my life,

And we've never even met

How do I simplify

The sacrifice you make

It blows my mind

You fight forever

So I can fight another day

Turn back time,

Don't fall behind

You leave tonight,

Breathe the breath of life

As others sit at home and cry

We wait for you to arrive,

I hide the hate inside

For leaving you to die,

A life so black and white

How many will never know your sacrifice...?

Shaping,

Creating,

Writing,

Souls immortalized in construction

Pieces of self sent out into the world,

Our expression of the universe inside,

The most beautiful parts of suffering and feeling,

Total chaos creating abstract perfection

Artists and art,

Like brush and canvas,

By building their inner thoughts they build themselves and turn out to be pieces of art in the end.

Death dealer,

For one more day,

She's come undone,

Streams of silver,

Blue moon,

City of bones,

Pit of vipers,

Close encounters,

Memories, dreams, reflections,

The asylum for wayward victorian girls,

Captive witness,

And then there were none...

Stars,

Each individual, light years away, observing my life from space, watching me flash by just as they do.

Cool breezes on rooftops,

My late night coffee keeping my hands warm while he lights up my eyes, matching the stars above

Our walks through the park,

Your hand fitting mine like a lock to a key

We stroll along under the soft moonlight, you pushing me on the swings, stopping to give quick sweet kisses.

My solitude

The many hours I've driven in the dark, the illumination from the radio the only light in the car,

So many fresh breaths of air with my windows down

The night, my escape from bright criticizing lights.

Drifting,

Looming,

Sitting amidst the moon

They float and glide across a starry expanse,

Witnessing life at its true waking hour,

They puff by and glance at the world, taking in the many moments in time that no one else sees.

Flit,

Flow,

Sail,

Cosmic sailors of the night.