self destruction of the year
feel the shift, zapping
short circuits in my brain
ringing ears are flashing
pulling me between dimensions
where glass grits
between gears
gli-
gli-
gli-
gli-
glitches slash
tears into the fabric
and reality, its
fingers, the shards,
slivers of the crystalline
micro-needles stitching
stabbing
zig zag patterns
in erratic
attempt
Stop.
hold it together,
not psychotic
not physic[al]
eclectic and epileptic
look the same
sure
but one dose less
of doses better
left un-skipped
and I no longer
know fear
from
self- hatred
or neglect
and when nothing
feels real
let me be
first to say
i apologize
i didn't mean
for things to
go this way
unzip
my skin
let me back
inside
i cannot control
anxiety
but maybe I
can turn this life
to dust instead,
around me
if nothing left
to fear
at least nothing
worse here could
come than that
i forced from
fractured
moments
of clarity where if
i had known
exactly what it was
that i'd been
doing
I may have been
able to put it to
a stop. but
in the end it
falls on me
the fault
the break in
my world
plates shifted
i caused it, now
i'm sure, because
it's easier to
sew up hurt
when you know
the pain is coming
and the dust
that settles
on ashes
ive burnt
is mine alone
to choke on
no return