self destruction of the year

feel the shift, zapping

short circuits in my brain

ringing ears are flashing

pulling me between dimensions

where glass grits

between gears

gli-

gli-

gli-

gli-

glitches slash

tears into the fabric

and reality, its

fingers, the shards,

slivers of the crystalline

micro-needles stitching

stabbing

zig zag patterns

in erratic

attempt

Stop.

hold it together,

not psychotic

not physic[al]

eclectic and epileptic

look the same

sure

but one dose less

of doses better

left un-skipped

and I no longer

know fear

from

self- hatred

or neglect

and when nothing

feels real

let me be

first to say

i apologize

i didn't mean

for things to

go this way

unzip

my skin

let me back

inside

i cannot control

anxiety

but maybe I

can turn this life

to dust instead,

around me

if nothing left

to fear

at least nothing

worse here could

come than that

i forced from

fractured

moments

of clarity where if

i had known

exactly what it was

that i'd been

doing

I may have been

able to put it to

a stop. but

in the end it

falls on me

the fault

the break in

my world

plates shifted

i caused it, now

i'm sure, because

it's easier to

sew up hurt

when you know

the pain is coming

and the dust

that settles

on ashes

ive burnt

is mine alone

to choke on

no return