Weakness

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF RAPE

I couldn't sleep at 4 AM

I gave into my weakness

I looked you up today

Trying to find any sign you still care, that you still speak of me

I saw some of your pictures as a child

And wondered how someone once so small and fragile

Could turn out to be such an evil human being

Poking and prodding at other's minds

Like they were specific pieces in your sick game

Using them, using me

And round and round it goes

Poisoning our thoughts and souls

-

I saw you today, or at least I thought I did

You (or not) were sitting in a car glaring at me

I had a flashback today because of you

It does not matter if it was you or not

Just the idea is enough to set me off

I cried for an hour and a half I felt so

Weak.

-

Today is the 4th of July

Last night I was laughing with my cousins, it was great

I eventually got to sleep, having a night terror soon after

I woke up in a cold sweat

As soon as the clock struck twelve, my body knew

I threw up because of you

The 4th of July is supposed to be

A time of laughter and joy with family

Instead, it's an anniversary for my PTSD.

-

I feel as though my life is being run by you

I had another night terror last night

There I stood, bruises and scratches lining my body

“I could have fucked you harder.”

You said that with such a disgusting look

Then you smiled your beautiful cheeky smile

Your words get twisted

In my head

Make me want to give up, to cry to

Die