nihilist

i watched a video

on YouTube that told

my life has worth something

and im gonna grow old

and im gonna be happy

though, it seems like a lie

and maybe just maybe

I'll find the right guy

I'll feel like I'm loved

I'll take myself at face value

and know I'm enough

that one day I'll see me

the way people do

that I'm not just a burden

or an object to use

I'll be on my deathbed

at age ninety-eight

and see my life was filled with

people i love, and songs i hate

I'll see everything as a blessing

and not something to overcome

maybe my skin will feel

the warmth of the sun

after years of the clouds

preventing it's shine

my grandchildren will see

my dark smile lines

my parents will be proud

and i will be prouder

i won't be scared to be outgoing

I'll speak up for myself louder

but that was just a video

made by a kid who doesn't know me

with no life experiences like mine

and nothing to show me

I'm gonna die

with nothing to show for it

and 100 years from now

no one will know of it

crazy, and sad

a nihilist maybe

with no one around

and no one to save me