haven't wrote a poem in weeks

Because I, myself am feeling too weak

Trying to satisfy everyone around me

But never feeling satisfied myself

I pray every night, to God or something

That things will get better

But it all feels in vain, when my texts are ignored

My friends cancel plans

And the people who "love" me push me away

But I'll keep smiling

Because everyone loves me half

So I'll love them double

Then maybe the hole in my chest

Will be filled.

to whom it may concern,

i was never who you thought i was

and the bodies piled before i could blink

a little girl could not do this

but the detectives were smarter than i thought

I'm not sorry for your son's loss

but I'm sorry for your grief

I'm sorry you can't see my vision

or admire my artistry

I'm sorry you don't understand that I didn't butcher him

but I turned him into something more

beautiful

consciousness is a privilege

but I turned him into a gift

gave him to you in the mail

and you unwrapped him and screamed

like a child on Christmas

because cries of pain, and cries of joy

are no different in the eyes of the enlightened

how you would you know pain without that joy

when you think the red is paint

but the copper taste and smell overpower your hopes

and all you find is the face of your loved one

lifeless, but full of worth

so I'm sorry you're hurting

and that you don't understand

but I gave you a gift

and the price was the electric chair

I want you

I crave you

I'm not usually this mean

but i need you like a drug

like I'll die if i don't have

your warmth and your body

if i don't have my hand

tight around your neck

I'm sure i lose my mind

you don't want that, do you?

you say that its hot

the way i throw you around

but i swear to God all i need

is your hands on me

and my name ringing through

your gasps and begging

i have such a hunger for it

like an itch i must scratch

like an animal who hasn't eaten in days

i want the tears to run down your face

but not in a bad way

in the way that you're begging

for more and more and more and more

all hunger must be satiated

one way or another

and i know you'd do anything for me

so just, help me out

be a good boy

(took a little bit of searching... but let us get spooky, shall we?)

The red is delectable

Savory and sweet

Medium rare

I look at the table

Stare at my feet

Savor each bite

As if it’s my last

I cut off another piece

I chuckle to myself

Everything "tastes like chicken"

So they say

I beg to differ

I think people taste different

this poem is almost a year old and remains my favorite

October 16

2005

a happy day for some

a dreaded one for others

yet none of those people

are ones I know today

I also assumed

I would be so successful

famous by 11

is what I told myself

I'm still a nobody

but a nobody with a drive

but sometimes

it leaves

And I'm left purposeless

but after those lows

come the highs

come the late night calls

and the car rides

and the smiles and laughs

a berry cake

and tomato soup

so 18 years ago today

a star was born

but not one of talent

but one of light

and potential

potential gratitude

potential fame

potential happiness

potential love

potential

18 years ago

the potential to be the good

was born

happy bday to me! right?

a hockey mask and a knife

I'm not Him but I could be

"a girl could never"

oh, don't you worry, they'll see

all those whores, at sorority house B

a truck, with some friends

a party on the 13th

how the stars aligned

on this fateful night

they'll finally see me

I enter through the back

unlocked by a friend

I have to try to stifle my laugh

I look around, flicker the lights

the widest smile under my mask

what's done is done

a white mask turned red

what a fateful October 13th

my friends don't exist

sure i am sad

but I'm finally happy at least

I'm seeing you tomorrow

am I excited or scared?

I like the way you touch me

and how you pull on my hair

but I'm not sure I really like

how it all feels fake

though it feels really real

in a weird type of way

and yeah, I'll meet your mom

and I'll teach you how to skate

and you'll kiss me on my neck

and ask about my day

on surface level you're perfect

the problem may be me

I'm scared to get too close

but I don't want to seem mean

so, I'll smile till it passes

be happy to be here

and keep on repeating to you

"I'm all right my dear"

because the red that's plastered on my face

is nothing short of real

and I promise I'm not lying

about how you make me feel

I'm just a little bit scared

of myself to say the least

but I think that you are the one

but I'm scared that it's just me

i watched a video

on YouTube that told

my life has worth something

and im gonna grow old

and im gonna be happy

though, it seems like a lie

and maybe just maybe

I'll find the right guy

I'll feel like I'm loved

I'll take myself at face value

and know I'm enough

that one day I'll see me

the way people do

that I'm not just a burden

or an object to use

I'll be on my deathbed

at age ninety-eight

and see my life was filled with

people i love, and songs i hate

I'll see everything as a blessing

and not something to overcome

maybe my skin will feel

the warmth of the sun

after years of the clouds

preventing it's shine

my grandchildren will see

my dark smile lines

my parents will be proud

and i will be prouder

i won't be scared to be outgoing

I'll speak up for myself louder

but that was just a video

made by a kid who doesn't know me

with no life experiences like mine

and nothing to show me

I'm gonna die

with nothing to show for it

and 100 years from now

no one will know of it

crazy, and sad

a nihilist maybe

with no one around

and no one to save me

i know you're with somebody new

but i can't write a song that's not all about you

it's not fair

how come it's so easy

for you to forget everything you said

like how i was the best girl that you ever met

guess you take it back

shouldve expected that

when i say im fine

im lying really well

cuz i cant love anyone else

and im so jealous that you can

scared i'll never feel that again

i still cant call anyone "baby"

cuz baby is still you to me

dont you think i wanna move on too

but i cant love anyone the way

the way i loved you