You’ve Been Served
Dear...We Didn't Bother Looking At Your Name,
We would have liked to thank you for your submission. Listen, you are great, but - Unfortunately, we had to wash our hair that day. Kept us busy most of the morning. Plus, there was a rerun of JAG that we could not possibly miss. You know they only air several times a day. You understand, obviously. We really wish we would want to read the rest of your submission, but we all had a long night at Benihana. And to be fair, no one felt like it after all that sake. Please, we have already enclosed a box of Kleenex in this letter. We get a discount and a tax write-off. Most importantly, we strongly agree that it's not us, but you. Really wish you the best of whatever luck you have left. Trust us when we say, you are going to need it.
Not very sincerely,
Hopes and Dreams
P.S. We have also enclosed a bill for the postage we had to spend to send this letter back.