know if you know

if my heart drips so profoundly

to wake my sleeping mind

and my lungs lose their purpose

when I have you by my side

then why when it was time

for a permanent goodbye

could my eyes not muster a

single tear

It's midnight and the car stops. My stop.

I thank the driver, a girl. I barely know her. She knows you. Well.

this isn't goodbye

I get out of the car. I have no more words. Not that I ever did.

My mind just as blank as my face.

this can't be the end

You get out of the car too.

I'll see you again

"One more hug," you say. Or something along the lines. I'm so numb by now I don't remember the words.

And I reach for you.

like I've always wanted to

And I bury my face in your coat, and I know you're crying. Just a little.

My eyes are dry, my words clear. As if I don't even care.

I care

"I'll visit," I laugh. I'm pulling away. His girlfriend is surely watching from the car.

don't let me go

"I'll hold you to that." He's wiping his eyes. He has no shame in feeling.

I feel everything

I feel nothing.

"Goodbye," I say, like I'll see him tomorrow. I won't.

"Goodbye." He gets back in the car. He has her. He'll be ok.

what will I do without you

I still don't feel.

if it hurts so much on the inside

why didn't I let you know

my stomach spins, my mouth is dry

my soul bleeds

and I don't even know if you know