Before and After

Before:

Before I was a girl. Freedom poured from my innocent spirit. Nothing held me down. The love and happiness I had were profound. I was a child. Through and through. In all the ways a child should be. The sky was blue, the grass was green. I smiled just because i felt like it.

Those places in between that lead me to where I am now, unchangeable and unstoppable things took place. Things that at first took my innocence away, and crushed it into ash. Into filth, and dirt that buried me alive. Things that moved me a thousand miles away from the girl I was, into someone who sold her soul to escape her spirit. Things that shaped me and sculpted me into a minuscule existence compared to what once was. There were things that left me scarred, and things that drove me to scar myself. There were things that made me blind, and things I chased to keep me blinded. Misery and emotional destruction became who I was. And I remained there, in that dark hole of my life for longer then I could’ve survived unscathed by the pain.

After:

I lost so much after allowing myself to part ways with my truth. With my reality and the forces of fucked up nature that reckoned with my being. I could’ve died, because I almost gave up on living. I could’ve died, because I’d betrayed my own survival in so many ways. But something gave, and the dark world around me finally faltered. I’m not sure how or why but suddenly I started fighting for myself. For my family. For my future. And in that difference came a light, and a life that was worth more than I could lose. Some sort of fight raged on within me and it saved me. It saved my spirit. It saved my soul. From my only self and all that damage I had done.