“I Have To Get Out”

I sit here

before the screen

struggling to silence my screams

that are bursting from a lifetime of fear

I drown out the noise

and try to drown out the sorrow

I feel my body beginning to numb

I hope I can go on until Tomorrow

I just have to reach Tomorrow

then it will be all right

I just have to keep my future in sight

and remember that Today will just become a Yesterday

Today will transform into a distant memory. I won't have to live it again, until Today happens again. Today happened the first time I realize my dad was an alcoholic, the first time I was hit by a man, the first time I learned about mysogyny, and this time that my dad's peaceful facade has given way. He held it for a good tweleve years.

And so, I called upon my gentle man, the one who allows my dragon to sleep, the one who grants me peace. I cry and splutter and even now as I type I stutter but, just like me, these stutters are something you will never see. As ironic as it may be, for all the wordsmith I am, words do not always come easy. All I can say is all I can think, so I tell him, "I need to get out."

Of where?

Here... I'm just so scared. (With him, it is safe to be vulnerable)

I just have to get to Tomorrow

If I get to Tomorrow, he will be waiting for me with strong arms and an open heart, ready to protect me until I can protect myself from the very real demons of my past.