Choices

The conversation at dinner was painfully one sided

Almost like drawing blood from stone

but there was a look like something

needed to be said but words were not

to be found, only little jabs here and there

So in the car, on a drive to the movie

I looked at her and said,

do you know what you want to see yet?

And the response was - Why is it always me

that has to pick everything??

I pulled the car over with care into an empty lot

and put the car in park. I turned to her and said

"there is no need for that - it's like you have been

trying to pick a figh all night..."

and that started her staring out the window

"Are you trying to break up with me?"

"maybe...yes"

"if this isn't working then this isn't working...

but you shouldn't have told me you loved me back

when I told you how I felt..."

"I don't think I ever loved you..."

and then the tears came...

That hurt, but I knew she wasn't being mean,

she just didn't know how to be true with her feelings.

I could have been a dick, but being who I am...

"I'm not like other guys, I'm open and honest...

and now, I think you just learned to be that way too..."

"why are you being so nice to me, you are making this worse..."

"it's the only way I know how to be...don't get me wrong,

I'm dissapointed...but I would rather live with the truth than a lie..

especially about the way you feel towards me"

And I drove her home for the last time, letting her off of the hook

because when we haven't learned to be honest with ourselves,

especially about our feelings, it can be the hardest lessons

to learn when you do...