Chapter 1: Fork In The Road

Every Tuesday I would sit here on this same park bench watching two local women play tennis.

I watched them not knowing who they were or caring for that matter, they were perfect, perfect in every way, with their knee high socks, tight white tops and pleated tennis skirts.

One, a blonde with fine golden hair scooped up into a bun, she was very tall, the other a shorter more rounded woman with long dark wavy hair, which every now and then she´d blow out of the way of her eyes.

I would sit there hiding behind my newspaper pretending to read it, but really lurking, drooling and gripping the paper to my chest hoping to see a flash of their panties, as they athletically reached to hit the ball. Now and then their pert breasts would bounce a little pleasing me even more.

I was an amateur pervert and I knew it, my paper was there for one reason and one reason only and that was to hide little Elvis from the outside world. Even though I’d taken to carrying the Financial Times, I never actually read it; I merely used it as a prop in my debauched insignificant life, I thought it made me look more interesting and innocent. More like a young man just sitting reading, catching up with the stock market prices.

In reality I know that I was known as ´that man´, I’d hear parents say “Don’t play near that man” or I’d hear old ladies whisper “It’s that young man again”, then they’d scuttle past like small fat dung beetles.

Sometimes I just wanted to scream at the top of my voice “My names Kevin, Kevin Bradstock” but I never did, I also wanted to flash my little Elvis at every living female on the planet but I never did that either. I just sat doing nothing, not interfering with anyone but myself through the lining of my trouser pocket.

I was indeed sad and lonely, a dirty old man mentally but in reality a twenty-year-old version of one.

I´d been born here in Bournville and had hardly ever left, it was something like being trapped in a time warp.

Built to look like an old village but tagged on to Birmingham a very modern city, it had village greens and duck ponds, but it also had vandalism and spray painted scrawl.

On warm days it smelt of chocolate from the Cadbury factory as it wafted in the air, on other days of newly cut grass and dog poo. It was a town built by someone who held strict family values and morals, which to them meant blocking out the future, freezing time and pretending that the outside world never existed, when really it always had.

I felt like the human version of Bournville being hidden away from the big wide world, but by my mother, my own creator. She´d made me feel different from other boys of my age, from other young men, as if I was a dainty little thing, so precious. As a child I enjoyed the feeling of being protected and guarded, but as I became older it made me feel lonely, it made me seem odd to other people.

Things had to change, so I decided after today I wouldn’t sit here anymore. Something inside me was telling me that there was indeed more to life, more exciting things to do, I just had to try a little bit harder, reach for the things I wanted out of life.

If I was lonely I had to do something about it and not just sit on a bench hoping that a women would notice me and speak to me. It was never going to happen, so I had to make it happen, just not today, maybe tomorrow because it was nearly tea time and I loved Tuesday tea times.

Every Tuesday, Aunt Violet would always visit my house.

On her arrival she used to kiss me and when I say kiss me I don’t mean in a normal aunt kisses nephew sort of a way.

If I was lucky and mother wasn’t about Aunt Violet would slip her tongue in and squeeze her enormous bosom against my chest.

Hopefully you have gathered by now that she is not actually a blood relative, she is just a woman my mother used to go to bingo with for many years. I´d grown up calling her Aunt as children do.

For her age she wasn´t in bad nick, I remember her being quite pretty when I was a little boy and considerably slimmer. She was now mutton dressed as lamb but still not bad to look at, she reminded me of one of the starlets from the old black and white films, just an older version.

She would often just wink at me and whisper “You know Kevin I am not really your auntie”.

I’d always wondered why she said this time and time again, and then I figured it out, it was because the dirty old bag fancied me and wanted me bad.

So I set off back home.

When I got in mother asked if I had been to college, same thing every Tuesday “Yes mother I have been to college and the tutors say “I have a really good chance of being entered in the final exam this year”.

Same day, same lie, it had been like that for the last three years, afterwards mother would smile at me and give me a cream doughnut to nibble on while she prepared tea and every time I’d sit having crude thoughts about the doughnut.

Oh God how I wanted to stick little Elvis in its hole and waggle it about in the cold fluffy cream!

But what can I say, I never did.

Instead I sat waiting in anticipation for Aunt Violet, with little Elvis fidgeting eagerly in the safety of my very tight y-fronts. The doorbell rang and mother shouted “Kevin darling could you get that for mummy, my hands are full”.

Like a whippet I sprang from my seat hoping that today my hands would be full too, but with Aunt Violets ample bosom.

I opened the door and Aunt Violet stood there in all her glory, all 14 stone of her. I stared at her and gave her my ´come to bed look´ to which she would always reply “Kevin my sweet boy come give your Aunt Vi’ a snuggle”.

Then would come the best bit of all, she’d pull me in to her large heaving chest and kiss me.

She smelt strange sort of a mix of wool and lavender but I didn’t care, she was a female and she had a pulse and she had breasts, huge mesmerising breasts.

Oh yes! and she did it, she slipped her funny little pointy tongue ever so quickly into my awaiting mouth, little Elvis went wild as I hung in her arms like a fly stuck in a Venus fly trap, unable to move, gasping for breath, dying ever so slowly of happiness among her cleavage.

“Oh Kevin you naughty boy” she said then she waddled off like an egg bound duck to find mother.

I in the meantime ran off to the bathroom for a quick wank while little Elvis was in the mood.

Three minutes later I sat back in my armchair grinning, mother came in carrying a tea tray and said “Kevin go wash your hands before you eat”. Looking at her I wiped my hands down the front of my jumper, it was as if she knew. My mother had a sixth sense, she could I was sure detect whenever I´d been for a wank!

Then sulkily I took my place at the table, as usual I sat opposite Aunt Vi, just so that I could watch her chest jiggle inside her brown cashmere cardigan as she laughed.

Her tits were wonderful to watch they used to remind me of two plump seal pups bouncing about oblivious of the world around them.

That day my visit to the bathroom hadn’t been enough for little Elvis, he perked obstinately while I gnawed at the corners of my cucumber sandwich.

I could feel the wetness of the cucumber on my tongue, its saltiness, I’d read enough porn to know that this was a good thing.

Quietly I sat thinking about how I longed for the normal things in life.

I wanted a girlfriend, the sort that mother wouldn’t approve of, the sort that did not come with a safety valve and a puncture repair kit.

I wanted sex twice a day with someone other than myself; I wanted to get a job, leave home, to wear shirts open and without having to wear a vest.

As I ate slowly I visualised myself naked, surrounded by beautiful women all fondling my dangly bits, but then my vision abruptly came to an end when mother stood up and announced that it was time for her to go feed father upstairs. This normally took her around twenty minutes as first she had to go and liquidize his sandwiches and de-lump his rice pudding, so that left Aunt Vi and myself alone.

For some reason that day, I felt different, it was as though a wind of change had blown in, or maybe that was the cucumber sandwiches taking effect, who knows, all I know is that from that moment on my life would change forever.

With my head lowered I waggled my feet beneath the table and looked at Aunt Vi through my fringe, well not at her more, at her gigantic tits.

That was when I remembered a story I had read in “Big Jugs Weekly”, the one where a man had used his feet to touch a woman up while having dinner in some fancy restaurant.

As soon as I had thought that I could hear little Elvis goading me on “Do it, do it…Oh God please do it”.

I kicked off one of my suede hush puppies and flexed my toes. Then I sloped a little into my chair, I felt something hard but that was just the table leg, I reached a bit more and touched Aunt Vi´s shin.

She jumped a little so quickly I rubbed up and down, still peering through my fringe I slid my foot a touch higher.

I gave her my manliest look, then strained to reach her thighs, but the fricking table was too long so I slouched lower.

Finally I reached her upper legs, I felt her move her legs apart for me and so I went right in there, I felt undergarments, thick ones, so like a terrier digging in a tunnel my toes edged their way in. I rubbed slowly at first in no particular fashion, but then I had the bright idea of rotating my foot round and round.

I thought of next doors Cocker Spaniel, it always went mad if you rubbed her back in a circular motion, before long in a Cocker Spaniel type way Aunt Vi’s right leg started twitching up and down.

Aunt Vi moaned and said “Oh Kevin, oh Kevin yes”, I tried to lift my head to see her face but it hurt my neck, so I just carried on judging only by the sheer sounds of pleasure coming from Aunt Vi.

My foot felt sticky and hot, extremely hot actually, maybe I shouldn’t have been doing this?…Aunt Vi after all was no Cocker Spaniel, she was come to think of it, more like a Bull dog.

Then all of a sudden I heard mothers voice, she was coming down the stairs, in fright I kicked back to get myself up at the table. In doing so I catapulted Aunt Vi backwards in her chair, hitting her head on the dresser. Her breasts now flopping up into the air almost out of her cardigan.

“Oh dear mother of God, what’s going on?” mother shouted as she heard the crash.

I scrambled up and announced “Quick Aunt Vi’s had a funny turn, I will go and get her a glass of water”.

Limping with one shoe off and one shoe on I proceeded into the kitchen, sniping to myself “Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!”.

I came back in to find mother helping Aunt Vi over to the sofa, I handed the water over sheepishly, mother grabbed it and helped Aunt Vi to drink it.

What had I done?

I couldn’t believe what I had done, poor Aunt Vi I had traumatised her and ruined mothers best dinner service in the process. I felt like a dirty, disgusting little boy, but I also felt a little smug with it.

Like a thief in the night I took off up the stairs to take refuge in my bedroom, I felt safe there surrounded by my many centrefolds from “Big Jugs Weekly”.

At last I heard the front door open then close and mother called up the stairs “Kevin it’s alright Aunt Vi’s gone home to rest, she looked quite flushed, poor dear”. I sighed with relief, thank the Lord she hadn’t said anything about what I had done.

I got undressed and into my night-clothes then slipped under my duvet, I suddenly felt quite pleased with what I had finally done. At long last I had touched a womans ´moomoo´, really felt what it was like, well almost felt what it was like (I really must remove my sock next time, that’s for sure).

As I cuddled into my bed I could have sworn that I heard little Elvis calling to me from inside my pyjamas…”Use the force Kevin, use the force”. I ignored him and turned on my side clutching my teddy Edward, oh how I loved my teddy, he had given me many hours of pleasure over the years.

Three hours later I was still awake, I lifted my covers and sure enough ´he´ was awake, the little bugger just wouldn’t settle. “Bastard, Bastard go to sleep” I shouted under my covers, but little Elvis stood proud. So that was it I had to go on to my computer, in a last attempt to calm the beast beneath my bed covers.

After surfing around the net for two hours I finally found some free porn, well actually it was a picture of a woman with huge black circles blotting out her pink bits, but “ahhhhhhhhhh” it did the trick, at last little Elvis would rest now.

Then I made a mental note once again, to ask someone how to turn off the child-proof settings on my pc.