Girls never ever won my heart

But this boy did from the start

I never knew the reason why

Until the day I saw this guy

Blonde hair offset by dark eyes

My stomach filled with butterflies

His eyes were darker than the night

I lost my heart without a fight

I’m sure I’d remember it anyway

But it happened in a strange way

My first kiss came on Halloween

During the year I turned thirteen

A vampire and a pirate, in his room

Hearts pounding, boom boom boom

He quickly captured my first kiss

My body tingling with new bliss

Years of confusion melted away

I knew for sure that I was gay

His hands resting on my hips

Tongue darting past my lips

But we heard his mom call our names

Time for candy and Halloween games.

I've never been kissed,

But have imagined my first.

I don't know how it will go,

I don't even know who.

Maybe it will go very well,

And feel good.

Maybe it will go terribly,

And be a sloppy mess.

Maybe it would be both our firsts.

Maybe it will only be my first.

I don't know.

All I know is,

That it will come when:

The time is right,

The person in right,

And the feeling is right.

For now I will wait,

Enjoy my life,

Not caring,

If I have been kissed,

Yet.

Have you ever

Felt like you weren’t

There

As if you were somewhere physically

But not mentally

And it isn’t because

Your mind is elsewhere

It is lost

Between the moment you are experiencing

And your overpowering thoughts

That’s what my first kiss felt like

I didn’t feel attached to myself

I’ve heard people describe

Feeling like they are watching themselves

From above

That has happened to me before

But this wasn’t one of those times

It felt similar,

But I wasn’t watching myself

I was nowhere

It was almost like a dream

I wasn’t in control of my actions

Which is terrifying for me

It was awkward at first

But then it started getting better

And better

The farther

I slipped

Away

The less

I was there mentally,

The more

I enjoyed it

And at the end,

I felt like it had never happened

I joined my physical self

Once again

And it took me

Longer than I would like to admit

To comprehend what had happened

All I know now

Is that it was amazing

I wish I had paid attention more

To the small details

Were his hands still on my hips?

We had danced before

So it's likely

But I guess I’ll never know

It’s strange to me

Because I’m usually so alert

I’m usually aware of every

Little thing

But then,

I was aware of nothing

I could barely take note

Of our lips

Pushing into each other

That day,

I learned one of my biggest vulnerabilities

It was the first time

I was ever unable to focus on anything

I learned that he has more control over me

Then I first believed

But for once,

It doesn’t worry me

To have someone else in control

I trust him

I love him