It's all perspective. But, Life has shown Me time and time again that I know...

NOTHING!

Everyday new lessons. Everyday I fall short. Some days are better than others. Some days I beg for a new teacher, of which there is only one.

When the time comes, graduation time from this particular classroom, Life will cease to rule and Death will lead Me to his domain. No longer a student of Life, but of Death.

He may ask then, "what have you learned from Life?".

"Everyday there's new lessons. Life is really quite short. Some days will be better than others. Remember to love with all your heart."

Fuck...

Here it comes

I recognize its damp smell

Sweet rot

And I know its sound

Deeply unnerving chaos

A horror movie materialized

An underground tornado approaching

Its violent, unforgiving nature hunting

A sacrificial goat bound waiting

Selfish destruction ruminating

A black hole of emptiness

A reverse cyclone

Into the Earth's core it churns

And it swallows me 

Removing all of my oxygen

And there is no light

My childhood is blackened, my future expelled

And the present is hopeless

Free-falling into an evil abyss

I try to run, but there is no grounding

And the world spins faster

But I am reduced to slow motion  

Faceless demons scratch at me

I try to climb out of their chamber

But the walls crumble and I am bleeding

I saw it clearly this time 

Its determined despondent approach

I know when it comes for me

But it is getting stronger 

Angrier and increasingly revengeful

It consumes me, regurgitating only pieces of me

And it has learned to trick me now

Hovering longer than usual this time

I thought it might pass

Perhaps excuse me this once

With an empathy founded for my pathetic state

But, no...

It wrapped its strong arms around me

Even tighter and I suffocate

And now it has me

My heart is racing and I stutter

I am so exhausted and breathless--

I feel Fear lurking in the next room

And there is no escaping

I will succumb

For the sake of survival

And because I have no other options

So I close my eyes

And wait for its grip to loosen

They say

Do good

And you shall gain

Pleasure in earth and heaven.

Do not reveal

Your physical beauty

For you shall inflict

Sinnful desire

Do not let yourself

Be driven by passion

For love shall be

Short- lived.

Do good deeds,

Seek divine rewards!

Do not be sinners!

Oh, what do you know

Of sin and mercy?

I have seen

Hearts as kind

That do not aim

Rewards!

I have seen

Uncovered beauties-

Some purer than

The hidden ones.

I have heard of

Honest prayers,

Words holier

Than holy books.

And rarely

Have I heard of

Love ruined by passion

What do you know?

What can you know?

I ask myself, “what do I know?”

I am a unique child of this world

I have deep wells of emotion

I like to dance wildly in life

being part of joy and hope

I have already discovered who I am

I have made mistakes in the past

I now welcome a new beginning

wiping the slate clean of the reminders

of what I once endured and lived

writing and painting lift me up

to new heights of creativity and passion

I love the sounds of the ocean waves

kissing the shore in little lapping sounds

walking in the woods gives me serenity

I talk to my dogs and also talk for them

I like to pull laughter into my life

to be part of resounding chuckles

the emanating merriment of others

I want to gather my family around me

absorb the pieces and wonder of their love

this I know – I don’t worry about my legacy

but want to leave an imprint on my little world.

I know how to use my mouth

to make a man weak in the knees.

I know how to use my eyes

to make him burn with desire.

I know where to touch a man

to make him wild with passion.

I know how to use my mouth

to make a man want to kill me.

I know how to use my eyes

to dare a man to attack me.

I know where to touch a man

to push him over his breaking point.

I know pain makes it real,

you hit me like a kiss.

What I don't know -

Love without Hate.....

What I know is that I know not enough.

There is too much space in my brain that I've graciously given to use by junk.

Throw away this and remember to forget that.

I've got to make enough room for knowledge to sit at.

Now that I've rid the crap clean.

I'll get some books

and learn relevant to life stuff,

Like how important is my spleen?

I'm sure after reading this my teachers will be pleased.

And thanks to my cleanup did you know I know that you blink when you sneeze?

No more video games

and no more far from straight A's.

I have said goodbye to those horrible terrible days.

I'm now taking the reins and telling my bad horseys whoaaa.

So watch me reap from what I will first get to know.

I know that I see great things around me when I keep the peace; when I live to serve others for when you are in the service of your fellow man then you are only in the service of your God.

Serving God by serving mankind is not a easy life, you may receive many blessing for your good deeds. But to think you will not see tribulations along the way is a falsehood that others may see, but for those who feel love for others while trying to live Godly life's knows that along the way they will feel sorrow if not today then tomorrow.

The good, the bad and the ugly will be determined on how you live; you can not know one or the other without living out your life.

Sometimes you can avoid the bad by just not being there when it happens. If you don't want to be run over by a drunk don't sit on the curb in front of a bar until you are.

These are some of the things I know.

Cincinnati is a dirty city. Congested. Polluted. Under re-construction because too many folks made too many decisions to let it go to shit. Plus, it's just old. Even so, Cincinnati is a beautiful city along the Ohio river, watching over the higher hills of Kentucky, nestled in the heart of the tri-state 275 Highway. You might see the homeless scouring every one-way street along the business district for fallen change and aluminum cans, have to walk around crowds of people waiting on public transit, and get shat on by a pigeon or two, but there's also fireworks after every Reds win, seafood you don't have to question (if you know where to go), and the biggest Oktober fest on this (the U.S.) side of the Atlantic.

As it happens, I was parked outside of Flynt's Sexy Gifts waiting for my friend to get off work, and I saw one of those homeless folks picking up change. At first, I thought nothing of it; this is how the man lives, who am I to judge? But then I saw him see me looking at him, and I got the notion (as anyone who's been in Cincinnati long enough to meet eyes with the homeless population) he was going to ask me for money. To my surprise, he offered only a shy smile and went back to working a grid along the sidewalk with his eyes for more change. What change he'd collected along this street so far, he held preciously in his hand, rather than pocket it as I expected him to the whole time I impolitely observed.

I'm not kosher with talking to strangers through open car windows so, I stepped out of the car before I addressed him. Whether I was feeling guilty for having expectations of his behavior, or he was simply close enough not to raise my voice, I dug into my painting apron for change and found a dollar, asking him if I could help. I didn't ask him what the money was for, that he was picking up, simply offered to make it a dollar more. The way he looked at me, I wasn't sure if I had offended him anyway, not until he smiled that shy smile again and looked to the sidewalk as if it had an answer. If it did, he had to suck it in with his breath, and it made him stand a little taller before he met my eyes and held his hand out for the dollar. His verbal reply came after.

It was a surprisingly long explanation about how, since his wife died he had been traveling by bus to anywhere there was an immediate (or minimal wait) departure when he showed up to get a ticket. He had been a professor, had two PhD's but no family left, and he lost the will to work, to live... Even though he had money in the bank, his wallet had been stolen in the first city he stopped in (Tampa, Florida- go figure) and he hadn't bothered to file a report to track it down. The man didn't consider himself homeless, but "Free-Living" and found some kind of peace in gid-searching the streets of cities he's never been to before, for pocket change and aluminum cans, car parts, siding scraps, and appliance shielding, "the lost, forgotten, and discarded," he said; but it was his conclusion that really stuck with me.

"...I don’t know, I just know what I know, but sometimes... you know, I just don’t know that I actually know what I know I know…you know?"

I laughed.

Because at first, I thought he was talking crazy! But then, my mind caught up to what I heard, and I looked at him again. He was looking at me with that expression you expect on your Mentor, waiting for you to "get it." Then he saw that I did as I smiled a smirky smile at him, nodding because I did know. We always think we know what we know, until we realize we don't know a damned thing we thought we knew. When I laughed the second time, he laughed with me, and my friend happened to come out of Flynt's Sexy Gifts at this point. She missed the hilarity but didn't miss a beat to poke fun at me. I didn't bother to explain, but wished him a nice day before I got back in the car.

-M.E.

201603060303

Life can bloom in the darkest of places, 

Lichen springing forth in shadow and shade. 

It can not be held out 

When it surges in Gaia's womb. 

Nothing will stop her. 

Love is all that matters -- in giving and receiving. 

Through it we are born again, 

And when it dies

We are renewed by Cupid's burn. 

Though pain may rack us.

Kindness, though sometimes little 

Is all and more in the eyes of the man that is hungry

For an ounce of compassion. 

It is the succor of the world 

and it moves us. 

Hope is a thing best yielded 

In the final fall of rotten leaves. 

It is

The binding that keeps us grounded, 

Frozen in life's gasp. 

Burning up time, 

that is all life is. 

A short flare. 

A brief explosion. 

Endless, limitless, eternal.

I know many things but none you should know. I know how many birds there in the yard as you leave the house. I count the buttons in the jar while you are out and about. I know how many strokes the artist took to paint the picture that is down in the hall. I know who you see and who you love. Sadly, I know it is not me. I know you wanted me to leave my wanted my bank account. I know what daddy has done and I know what you do everyday. You don't know how well I hide my sadness. I hide my tears and you just don't what want to know...