The Blessing of a Baby
Something that makes me very happy is to hold a baby. Yesterday, at our Resurrection Sunday family gathering, I sat and held my tiny baby cousin. He weighs only ten pounds even though he's nearly four months old. Still, he's more than tripled his birth weight. He was born a month early because of some unknown medical condition that caused him to stop growing about two months before he was born. The chances of him living had been low, but there I sat, holding him in my arms. His tiny, detailed fingers were curled around mine, and he smiled while kicking his feet. So tiny, yet so perfect in every way. Every time I hold a baby, I remember one of my sister's favorite bible verses: "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." Psalms 139:14
we read a very modern adaptation of this classic. my girl is becoming very good at remembering lyrics and stories.
we hide behind the curtain, and pretend there is a wolf outside.
"little pig little pig , let me in. " she recites.
"not by the hair of my chinny chin chin".
we also do adaptations of stories, using the menagerie of toys we have.
alexander and the wind-up mouse.
fish is fish...
sardines of love...
and there you have it.
Just to talk
My mother used to never call, and it hurt my feelings.
"It makes me feel like you don't care. You almost never call, and when you do call, it's only when you need something."
"I feel like a nuisance, intruding in your life. I wait until I can find an excuse to talk to you."
"I understand, but it is still painful. Here's a new reason. You're my mother, and I want to talk with you."
My mom called today. "Just to talk."
We sit, curled up on the couch like always. After a petty argument of who gets to control the tv tonight, I feign disgust as she picks yet another RomCom that makes me feel like it steals hours of my life I can never get back.
Yet, here we sit, hand in hand with legs curled around one another.
"When did you know?" She asks me, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"What do you mean?" I chuckle back. Her hazel eyes are glued to the screen and she points. I look at the screen and it's one of those cliche moments in movies where the protagonist receives a huge love speech from their admirer.
"When did you know you loved me?" She refuses to make eye contact as I look back at her, her eyes glued to the screen in fear of what I'll say.
"From the moment I saw you. As you left a nibbled-on pencil in your hair heading into a job interview with enough paperwork and folders to make even me think you worked there as a CEO. As you unabashedly looked at me and asked me how you looked. That's when I knew I could never let you go." She looked down at our intertwined hands and smiled, giving me the honor of seeing her turn red. She said nothing else and rested her head on my shoulder as we continued to watch our favorite movie.
Her heart had stopped moving.
Hours felt like years and although time seemed unreal in this new world she found herself in, it was painfully boring waiting around in this “something” that was far from existence.
She would stare at the sky, or maybe it was the ocean. The world shared the same reflection so it was difficult for her to tell things apart. She knew when she took steps a type of liquid would cover her feet and then drip off like tar as she lifted them up. She could touch the sky and the clouds, but it would feel the same as the ground. Maybe she was in some sort of bubble of reflections and water. She wanted to explore it more, but she had a fear of swimming alone.
Water, Ocean, Sky, Clouds. Water, Ocean, Sky, Clouds. Ocean, Water, Clouds, Sky? Clouds, Sky, Water, Ocean? She tracked her surroundings and repeated it in her head with nothing else in mind, and nothing better to do to fill the void of her boredom.
A girl appeared in the bubble. Her hair curly and hue changed depending on the sudden rays of light that would shine upon her. Her eyes had a sort of mystery that drew her into them. As she fixated on them she felt a feeling of such contentment and warmth. Like a lucky winner of fate. A feeling of such happiness filled her up she couldn’t help herself asking if the girl would like to go swimming with her. As she dove into the liquid she felt all her senses reach complete and raw happiness. Such strong feelings of serotonin filled her entire body. She couldn’t help but laugh… and the girl laughed back. A feeling of understanding covered her and she stared into the girl's eyes in hope of understanding more.
The rays of sunlight only followed the girl, but when she emerged from the water and it dripped off her skin like tar, the scenery changed to golden sunlight all around. She didn’t know this girl had such a power, but it also seemed she could do anything. Her magic; infinite. She had reached a ladder and now laid atop the grassy field that was on the other side. She did this as a test, she wanted to know if the girl loved her too and if she would follow her. She did and they reveled in each other's presence. The silence didn’t seem to bother them, and for once she thought it was quite nice.
So what do you wanna do?
What do you wanna do? The girl replied.
They both laughed, in a way of understanding and comfort. She didn’t know that type of laughter was possible, but the girl seemed to unlock it. She never wanted her to leave this world and if she stayed she’d never question this realm or the question of time ever again. She wanted to reach every type of understanding with her, so she stared into her eyes until she was in complete hypnozation. She’d hope to reach understanding with her through touch too. She yearned to kiss her and feel her warmth, skin, and stare into her eyes more. It was okay that time was nonexistent if that meant she could stare into her eyes for eternity.
Whatever you want. She responded.
They were close. So close. Then closer. Her happiness exploded out of her body as she tried containing it. The feeling of warmth projected to her like a blanket of some emotion. A pleasant one. Closer and closer till their lips collided and she felt all understanding. Not just of the girl but of worlds and realms and emotions. She kissed her till she felt the whole world (or this world) could be seen through the girl's eyes.
They were now on a bridge. Maybe that’s where her eyes took them. It connected time with space, conscious with unconscious, clarity with dissonance. They sat on the bridge, in the middle of everything. Where no one could touch them, stop them, haunt them. There was nothing above, nothing below. It was just them and they were the only things that made sense, but she was okay with that. The realm began melting, but she didn’t feel the need to look away from the girl's eyes. They both stayed.