I read this joke in an old issue of the Boys' Life magazine.... I might have it slightly wrong, but here goes....
A dog, a cat, and a mouse were playing cards. The cat got thrown out. Why?
Because he was a cheetah!
I was on a family camping trip, and there was a community campfire event where they invited people up to tell jokes. Little 8 year old me was the first one to volunteer, and I told that joke. More people began going up to tell jokes after that, so yay little past me!
(my best) Oldie but Goodie
A man stepped up to a bartender and said, "I'll bet you five bucks I can bite my eye."
The bartender thought about this a bit and said, "You're on," to which the newcomer took out his glass eye, put it in his mouth, and bit it. "Oh, you got me," said the barkeep"I'll bet you double or nothin' I can bite my other eye."
The bartender reflected on this awhile. Seeing as how the guy could only have the one glass eye and still see, he agreed. The patron took out his false teeth, raised them up, and bit his other eye. "Well, I'll be damned if you didn't take me again," chuckled the owner.
As he was reaching into the till, the customer said, "Hold on! I'll go you one further! I'll bet you double or nothin' I can git up here and piss across this bar and land every last drop in a shot glass." The bartender considered this but an instant before accepting this bet. The guy then climbed up, stood on a barstool, and proceeded to pee, getting it everywhere, on bottles, the bar, the bartender, managing to land nary a drop in the shot glass. The bartender was beside himself, guffawing and wiping the tears rolling down his cheeks. The man climbed down, took out a twenty, and handed it across.
"Thank you, kindly!" The bartender managed weakly. "But just what on earth gave you the fool impression you could pull that stunt off?"
Pointing, "Well, you see them fellers over there? I just bet them each $50 that I could git up on a barstool, piss all over you and your bar, and you'd laugh."
In the time of the Romain empire, three brothers were headed to meet a great warrior in Rome, they had prepared food for their journey as well as bread and water, two week had passed since they had last come across a market, as they grow tired they decided to rest in a cave for the night to eat and regain their strength and to their surprise the only food left was a bag of potatoes and bread that would be unfortunately bland and tasteless whiteout salt, and no one would be able to eat it, the brothers then decided to think of a way to get salt for their food, one of the brothers suggested “I could go to the market but how will I know that you will not eat without me”, the younger brother said to which the older brothers answered “we promise you we will wait until your return”, the brother then decided to go and try his luck by going back to the market they had met two weeks ago, since it would take him four weeks to go and to come back, he took the little bread and water for his journey and left his brothers, who were eating the little bread and water they had, but as time passed they became less and less patient, until finally four weeks passed by, but the brother didn’t return yet, tired of waiting they decided to eat it despite the taste, as they picked up the spoon the younger brother showed up out of nowhere and said “aha I knew you wouldn’t be able to wait for me, I never left, imagine if I was really gone, you would have finished all the food by yourself wouldn’t you” ...!
Jokes From Then
I honestly dont do this much anymore, but when I would jump out of the darkness and yell at my brother. He would jump out of his skin and then chase after me... hehe. The one time I hid in his closest until he turned of the light and then got in bed... "BOO" I jumped out like a monster, he screamed and even though I got in trouble it was hilarious.
(A Cup of) Tea Jokes
What kind of tea wants to punish people? Penal-TEA!
More than a year ago, that joke is one of the many jokes that I thought and made on January 21, 2020, revolving on the warm, soothing, cup of tea. There was no reaction to my jokes, except for an irritated classmate, while one of my friends helped make (a cup of) tea jokes.
What happens when a tea sings? It's beau-TEA-ful, but it's TEA-sing.