There isn't a single thing I could tell you

To save you from the curse of time.

Not a single word I utter,

Could save your broken soul

And as you walk the path of life

With twists and turns you just can't handle

I can't tell you a single thing

Because even I am lost.

But as you walk through life with open eyes

You shall never give up

Your ego builds your unwavering character

Your heart never changing

As you work with your brain but not your heart

Follow the light

Because younger me, you have to listen.

Our journey isn't over.

(Excerpt from "Angel's Haven Academy for Young Flyers," The Lock on Heaven; an original and unfinished novel by me)

"We've... Been accepted?"

Tanaka Aoki. A fairly average boy, who hates using energy in anything. That's what he made himself seem like.

He took on the identity of someone who was unworthy to "grow his wings" because he didn't want to, and neither did Zhou Delun.

Zhou Delun was beautiful. Especially to Aoki, who has been in love with him for years. He was kind, and would be top of his class if he put effort into it.

Aoki was more of so the athletic type, who had the the speed and reflexes, while Delun was the brains and strategy. They worked so well together.

"There's no way, did they see through us?" Delun was practically fusing with Aoki with how close they were, staring at the acceptance letters sent to both of them.

There wasn't a particular reason that they didn't want to go. They simply just didn't want to go.

They didn't care about "growing their wings" or "ascending" or whatever terms they used in that academy.

Delun sighed. "Well, it's not that bad."

"I don't want them to seperate us."

"Neither do I." Aoki and Delun said solemnly.

They've been buddy buddy for years. Who knows if that'll still be possible in the Academy of the Sky?

"Even if they seperate us, I'll just come see you. I always find you, yeah?" Delun joked, cheering Aoki up.

"Yeah. You know me a little too well," Aoki laughed. "Okay, let's sign the letters then."

They shouldn't of had signed the letters.

If Aoki told Delun to not sign the letter and to stay with him, then they never would've been in this hellhole.

"Angel's Haven Academy my ass... What is this?!"

The corpse in front of them was a warning sign that they made the wrong choice.

(Excerpt from "The Blue Tree's Virtuous Order," The Lock on Heaven; an unfinished novel written by me.)

I can't deny it anymore.

I love Aoki.

But after what I did, would he love me still?

Would he look at me with those affectionate eyes and that cute smile again?

Why did I... Why did I say that to him?

He loves- He loved me so much. And I never noticed. And I ended up hurting him

Now I hold 5 of the Seven Deadly Keys. But they shouldn't belong to me. They should go to Aoki.

Yeah. I should find him... I should give them to him. He earned them rightfully. He's the one who was most determined to ascend. I know that because I know him.

I'm going to find him.

"A-Aoki!" Delun sprinted across Purgatory, skillfully jumping down from the bridges upon seeing Aoki. "Aoki! Wait!"

He stopped in his tracks, Delun slowly coming up behind him, the five Seven Deadly Keys clanging against each other on the satanic keychain.

"...Yes?" He didn't even turn around to look at Delun. His voice came out hoarse. He was... "Crying. You're crying. Don't cry-" "Don't act as if you care."

Silence fell.

"You know. At first, I blamed you for coming here on me. Because of my love for you, I forced you into this madness, with death following you everywhere you went." Aoki wiped his tears, turning around to face Delun, but not looking up. "I still do. I tried to push you away so that if I ever died, it would be a little less painful."

Delun gasped at Aoki's words but didn't interrupt him.

"I thought that by pushing you away, I could also get rid of these feelings that keep weighing me down and pushing a mountain onto your shoulders." Aoki stepped closer, resting his head on Delun's chest. "But it didn't. It didn't, 'cause even now, I still want you to hug me and tell me you love me. I want to hear those words so badly."

Delun didn't say anything. He didn't hug Aoki, he didn't comfort him. He just let him cry on his chest, looking up at the bridges above.

"...Aoki."

"No."

"Aoki."

"I said no. Be quiet."

"I love you."

He stepped back in surprise, looking up at Delun finally, who wore a shy, flustered expression on his face, which was so unbelievably unlike him.

...

...

...

"Fuck. Aoki, I have some weird dreams." "Yeah, me too."

Aoki turned to his left, coming face to face with the man of his dreams.

"Dede, why are you in my bed?"

(Excerpt from "Denial That He Never Denied." The Lock on Heaven; an original and unfinished novel by me)

From the start... I think I've always loved Zhou Delun.

I didn't grow up in a town where they cared if you dated a man or not. Hell, even finding a significant other was like a miracle.

That's why I never denied my feelings. I knew I liked Delun more than a friend ever could. I want to hold his hand. I wanted to watch fireworks at festivals with him. I wanted... To kiss him. That's definitely not platonic.

We were always told that when we turn the "very beautiful" age of 16, we would have a chance to "grow our wings."

They meant Angel's Haven Academy. An academy in the sky for only the most worthy students. I never intended to go, and never did Delun.

Let's go back to my romantic feelings and somewhat sinful thoughts for him,

If you asked Dede what he thought of me, he'd probably call me his "bestest friend forever." It kind of hurts. The man I'm completely "head over heels" for sees me as nothing more than his buddy.

...I don't know what I was expecting. Fuck, I'm so hurt. Damn it. I want him to say that he loves me. I want him to say that he can't possibly live without me.

I want him... I want him. I want everything about him.

From the way his layered haircut slightly flows when he walks, to the way he pushes up his glasses that keep sliding down his face, to the way he laughs at the corniest dad jokes, I love it all! And I want him! I want him so bad! But he doesn't want me in the way I want him!

And I can't be selfish. Absolutely not! If he were to start dating someone else, I'd... I'd have to suck it up and congratulate him, even if I wish it was me and I could never stand to be around them because I'd be so full of envy and anger.

Shit! There's no way I could stand him dating someone else!

Shit! I wish he felt this way!

Shit! I feel horrible!

Shit! I'm an asshole!

Shit! I want to see him so bad right now! I want to jump on him and hug him and say "I love you so much Delun!" and I want us to share a mutually loving kiss!!! I'm so...

The knock on my dorm's door knocked me out of my breakdown. Thankfully. Joyce was most likely back from her and needed to pick up her stuff to see her brother.

I got up to answer the door, wiping the sweat off my face. Thank god my gray shirt didn't get soaked in my tears.

I opened the door expecting to see Joyce in that red and white, name-brand tracksuit she usually wore when on her evening runs. I expected to see that goofy smile she usually flashed me, despite her being out of breath. She was so comforting.

...

I was wrong.

Holy shit. I was so wrong.

He got so close to my face that his back hair fell onto my shoulder, sending slight chills down my spine. He wasn't wearing his glasses this time. If he was, they would've fell onto my face, since he was leaning over me.

"Hey..." Delun said, pushing the door open the rest of the way.

Oh. God. No, no. No... Noooo... Why me???

"Aoki." Don't call out my name like that! "Are you okay?" Stop it!!! "Aoki-"

"Stop! Stop. Stop it. Oh god." I sunk into the floor. I didn't want to meet Dede's face. I was crying. I started crying, and I don't know why.

No, I do know why.

It's because I love him so much.

I love him so much that I pulled him into this cursed academy with me. And despite that, I want him to love me too.

(Excerpt from "Key of Lucifer," The Lock on Heaven; an original and unfinished novel by me)

Again, he found himself in Purgatory.

"Fuck..." He mumbled to himself. He glanced around the heavenly tower full of intersecting paths and golden gateways whose tunnels were dark and mysterious, drawing you in and begging you to come closer. That's what he hated about Purgatory. This bewildering place. As he looked up, he only saw more and more intersecting bridges ascending into the white mist. He dared not to look down.

He knew he couldn't linger in Purgatory for long. His only choice was to go back or go forward, though. He had the Key of the Hare, but using it for a reason like this wasn't ideal...

And falling onto the bridges below without the Key of the Saint wasn't ideal either.

He had used it before in the previous battle with the Rivera twins.

He had on him the Key of the Hare, the Key of Mammon, the Key of Duality, the Key of Ignorance, and the Key of Self, the Tanaka Key. His key, which acted as his heart. And he could not lose that.

Getting the Key of Self snatched from you is the equivalent of being murdered. Tanaka was about to thank God for not requiring every single one of the Keys of Self to ascend, but then he realized God had put him into this position.

While he sat there wondering if he would survive the fall onto the nearby bridges, they shifted. He forgot! Every once in a while, the paths would lead to another gate! Now he had four new options. He decided to go for the left since he was right-handed. If you were to ask him why he made that choice, he would shrug it off.

As he ran across the bridge, his boots clacking against the marble, he thought about what key he should go for next.

Mari held the Key of Prosperity, and she was insanely agile, so Tanaka would never catch up to her. He ruled that key out. Olive held both the Key of Creation and the Key of Destruction. Tanaka didn't need those yet, and neither did Olive. He ruled those keys out as well. The best options were to go for the rest of the Seven Deadly Keys since he already held the Key of Mammon, and wielding all of those keys would give him a significant advantage in battle and the race for ascension.

As he approached the golden gate, which opened for him, welcoming him in, he stumbled into Eden's Garden.

And there, he found the wielder of the Key of Lucifer, and its wielder, Zhou Delun.

The one Key Wielder he could never fight.

Why? Simple.

He was smitten with him.

I look back on life

In a world so sadly dark

Yet I reminisce

Despite my breakdowns

Strange looks from the bystanders

I blind myself now

Hiding from publicity

Embracing my true feelings

I become anew, unmasked

I know my gender is weird to you.

I know you can't understand. Or maybe you can.

If you can, great. If you can't, damn.

Xenogenders.

Are so me.

I have always felt that I can't fit into labels that are so simple like "girl" "boy" "enby" "demigirl" whatever whatever whatever. They don't speak me.

The freedom in xenogenders... Are me.

I have always seen my gender as a person.

As if they are a mirror image of what I want to be.

So when xenogenders came to life, I found... Peace. With my identity.

As I dove into 2020 Tumblr, I found me.

I found who I am.

I don't care if you think I'm weird.

I don't care if you won't use neopronouns on me.

It's me.

It's always been me.

I found what defined me.

I found it, after so long.

This euphoria is so addicting.

I am an author

I compose pieces of literature that I love personally

I revise my work to make it as perfect as possible

Because I am an author

Because I am an author

I find myself swayed by public opinion

But there are times I cannot care

Because I find that my work speaks me

Because I find that my work speaks me

Then I usually do whatever I want

Without caring for strange personalities of my characters

I write what comes to my mind

I write what comes to my mind

Because I am an author

Because I find that my work speaks me

I am an author

In my head, I find tranquility

Within a world of death and depression

I smile to the best of my ability

In my head, I find wickedness

Amongst the joyful crowd

I feel a sense of restlessness

I tell them a story overnight

To help them sleep through pain

And to help their futures be bright

I don't think for me

What I want is what they want

My desires are overrun just for thee

I sin for lust

The thought of love is compelling

Though my methods are not just

In other words, with my fragility

I lose all sense of civility

I will be burned at the stake for my sins

But I smile to the best of my ability

Four minutes in and I knew I had made a colossal mistake. The blood running through my veins was struggling to keep up. Adrenaline pumping, I was unstoppable. I've always been great at running away, just would've never thought I'd run from a zombie. Never going to my mom's grave again.