Panic

I blink because I am tired of my open eyes

I could close them but I’ll see that face no matter why

so I lie, like I have witnessed death at night

I was almost out of the room of my lies

when it blew me off so hard

I started flying

I was so high and it was all grey

almost devastating; utterly terrifying

like being struck by thunder

an icicle that pierces your heart

in and out

and makes you fear each blink

death might anyway reach out

and empty your brain

weaken your smile and your bones

and choke you, making you scream out for help

but you won’t be able

to function an inch according to your will

and your eyes will start bleeding in the form of fearful tears

and everything starts shaking

like an earthquake was better than the disaster happening

and everything in you starts breaking

as you tremble to death

clatter and shatter

your teeth start to chatter

as you place your hand on your chest

in hopes of inhaling something real and not red

but it hurts so much you would want to die

but then you think of it and would want to find reasons to survive

'cause the rain destroys barriers when you don’t build them strong

and your nails scratch walls as you walk on the sharp ones

you slowly lose all your time and all your patience

you would run away

for no one will help

because they think it’s easy

or a little bit hard

but it just might be the saddest movie

or another losing war

so you fall on your knees and beg and beg

for it to rest, pause and stop

but something that’s is meant to feed on you

will not go until you rot

and you try to scream and shout some more

and it does loosen you up to some core

and you try to inhale the deepest you can

in hopes of smelling something sweet to pretend

and your eyes search for someone or something

so that you could steal their peace and store it in

and breathe a little livelier and not sense death this close

as your breath starts to shorten and close

and you close your eyes to escape this lie

which feels like your only reality

and you bury the pain and try to jump high

even when you are sinking in

and you see a little light through a hole somewhere in the middle

while you lie frozen in the dark and tremble till there isn’t any movement

the light melts the ice that froze in you

and you open your eyes a little wider to see the bluest blue of the ocean

where you start swimming better and come close to the surface of the water

you’ll never be the perfect lover, friend, sister, or daughter

and you realize what the word looks like when you finally come to the surface

while the water still drips from you

and you become a part of the waves

that follows you in a cab when you walk on the road

and you keep on possessing your rain and absorbing sadness in the storm

that bleeds even when you close your eyes or leave them open

to witness the darkness that is never stolen

because when you feel like dying again,

you’ll hold the hand of a broken

whose face won’t leave your thoughts even at night when you’re closed in

under your own skin

with someone broken

you're chosen