Hey Doc

Thanks for seeing me

I guess I've just been down

Never really sure

If I want to stick around

Oh yes, you're depressed

I have just the thing

This should get you ready

And back, in full swing

Well what can I expect

It can't really be that easy

What are the side effects

Will it make me a bit queasy

Well that is the question

How will you feel

But we'll soon find out

When you spin the wheel

That doesn't seem right

Why don't you know

And why are you treating this

Like some kind of gameshow

Because what else could it be

Now let's go ahead and see

Which shade of shame

In this game you'll set free

What kind of doctor are you

This can't be for real

My sister came in the other day

Did you give her the same deal

Oh come now, don't fret

It's unbecoming

Try not to harsh my high

With all you're humdrumming

What the actual fuck?!

Are you high right now

I don't really see a reason

To lie right now

Yes of course I am

How else could I tell

Which ones will leave you feeling good

Or locked up in a cell

When the doctor is the patient

Of their own desire

They'll climb ever higher

And won't ever tire

What's good for the goose

Is amazing for the gander

No grander slander

Then to philander and wait

While the eggheads out back

Just create and debate

But don't worry son

We'll fix you up yet

As sure as the sun

Will rise up in Tibet

I'm getting out of here

This isn't close to helping

Well hold on a second son

Why is your face melting

What the hell is wrong with you

People trust you to be true

What's truer than sharing

The madness inherent

In all you ungrateful pricks

Day in and day out

Watching all you fuckers pout

Why can't you just be grateful

That we still answer when you shout

Oh life's a little harder

Than it was when you were young

Cry me a fucking river

And hold your fucking tongue

I didn't go to school for eight years

Just to hear

Your endless fucking whining

"Oh, the teacher touched me here"

So just take these fucking pills away

Take them twice a day

Take and take and take until the pain it goes away

Then take a little more

Because why the fuck not

I'll be so much happier

And so much less snappier

When I finally hear the gunshot

This can't be real

You're a fucking monster

So easy to be calling names

With all that hate you foster

Fuck you I'm done

I'm not asking anyone

For any more advice

On how to treat a condition

You have no recognition for

Because you don't have to live this shit

Don't have to fight this endless war

Oh sure

You're so pure

You've had so much to endure

But I can tell you this for certain

There's only one cure I know for sure

No

You take the knife

And one quick slice

Is all takes to end your strife

So come on lad

It's not so bad

There's a reason you can't say no

The only place you're not alone

Is the dark pits down below

Down there they take everyone

No insurance or price to be paid

All it takes is one little thing

One little trade to be made

Because once you're down

There's no need for control

No need to drown

Once you give me your soul

You're not a doctor are you

True

But I knew

That you'd be coming through

So how about it pal

Are you ready for the long way down

No, I'm not

I'm not gonna take the shot

I'm not that kind of person

I don't belong there with you lot

We can agree to disagree

But back to the matter of your fee

I'm not gonna pay it

Oh you think you'll get in free

I have a place to be

I'm not going in at all

Well if that is the case

Then why'd you answer my call

Take a look at what you've partook

The river pouring from your face

No

Don't be so quick to dismiss

You already belong to the abyss!

No!

Go ahead and try and fight

But you already lost when it really counted

So let's burn a hole in that dreary soul

So you can see the chaos we've mounted

It's not as bad as they say

When your halo's swapped with horns

No more waiting on a good day

You can always take what's yours

You've always been a taker

From the day that you were born

An emotional leech put here to preach

About all the endless scorn

Why not just be

What I put you here to be

And honor the oath that you've sworn

What do you say son?

Help me prove that darkness has won?

No

I believe in the light

That rises through the night

If what you say is true

I'll never bow to you

I may not be a perfect man

But I know what's right and wrong

So find some other dumbass

To dance along to your bullshit song

I may not always find the strength

To rise above my fears

To find a way to muddle through

To push through all the tears

But I'll be damned again

If through all I've been

I sit back and let you win

Careful what you wish for boy

Pride is the greatest sin

I should know, what it means to go

To the lowest of the low

Pride goeth before the fall, boy

More than words is this

Don't think I won't destroy

Those who go amiss

But I'll leave you now

To make your choice

Let no one call me unfair

But if I found you once

I'll find you twice

Of that you should well know

So don't go thinking

You're free from sinking

To the calling of below

Golden rays of sunlight

Piercing darkened void

The voices of the wind and rain

Calling out that they're annoyed

The traitorous light, upending night

And dousing it in flame

Not even a warning about the morning

As it finally came

Peaking through the shuttered shades

Of this neurotic's shadowed glade

Torn and carried forth from dreams

Back to this world of endless schemes

Suddenly beset

By longing regret

Of half lived lives

That I can't forget

But I drag myself back

To my ramshackle shack

Knowing for certain

That soon I'll be back

This story is torture

Long winded, and curved

With plot twists aplenty

Some I know I deserve

Maybe it's easier

To sit back and see

This whole long disaster

As a stage play, a tragedy

The playwright and actors

All look the same

None of them willing

To shoulder the blame

I see my self speaking

But I didn't write the lines

Just feel this compulsion

To speak in twisted rhymes

I crane my neck to the sky above

Nothing but cheap wood and paint

The person holding my strings

Just waves and makes me wait

The play, it just goes on and on

No one's ever allowed to leave

Not even the ones who set the stage

Not a single moment of reprieve

There isn't a day that goes by

Where I don't think of cutting the strings

Even if, a simple myth

Is all I hope it brings

For even if there is no end

That matches what I've heard

I'd like to see them try to fix

The severed wings of this caged bird

An open letter

To the powers that be

You may not remember

But you used to know me

And I've known you

For a very long time

You're the reason

that I get lost in rhyme

A shadow among many

Just lost in the crowd

That's where you put me

Because I was too loud

You shouldn't have done that

Because now I can hide

And I've had a nice little chat

With the others you've set aside

I can't help but smile

At the mistakes that you've made

Not knowing all the while

The price to be paid

Because we got to thinking

About all of our rage

About how it's hot enough

To melt the fucking cage

Funny thing about putting

All your problems in one place

Instead of twisting the knife

While looking in our face

We haven't been idle

We have plans of own

And a special little place

To bury all of your bones

Because unlike you

We no longer have to hide

Because now we are legion

Feeding off the rage you supplied

If I were you

I'd take the easy way out

Because once you're with us

There won't be any doubt

Free of hesitation

And ready to die

For the brand new nation

You tried to deny

We'll be seeing you soon

Have no fear about that

Our vengeful platoon

Is ready for combat

Darkness comes and goes. But the light of the world will remain even when you can't see it. No matter how dark it gets, the smallest pinprick of light can become a beacon for us all. It's so hard for me to remember that sometimes.

That's why I write, why all my characters are so broken. Because I am too, and I just want us all to figure it out together. Not how to fix ourselves, but to realize that there's nothing to be fixed.

Sometimes it takes me a long while to remember that the only thing that eclipses my hatred for humanity, is my love for it. The hands that reach out through their own darkness to push others to the light. The ones with little who give everything. The ones that even when drowning in dread still crack a joke to keep us laughing so we can finally take a break from crying.

I think everyday about killing myself. I have to be honest about that. But beyond that, even in my most lucid moments when I can break free from the cage long enough to take a breath, I find myself filled with apathy for my own life. Something that I know many of us feel.

I urge both the soul of the shell writing this and any who read it to remember the light, your light, may seem like a candle in the wind to you. But it's a bonfire to me.

Just another day

Where the demon's at play

Ripping and tearing

My soul to filet

Just another time

Where I turn to rhyme

Trying to find a way

To just pass the time

How many times

Will I feel like a failure

How many rhymes

Until I'm free from the jailer

Suicide is no fun

At the end of a gun

And I know there's no hope

At the end of a rope

So what's left is pain

Stabbing into my brain

Leaving me with no illusions

That I stand to gain

So many days

Stuck in this malaise

Watching and waiting

With a ten mile gaze

Staring in the abyss

In ignorant bliss

Trying to figure out

The reason for this

No answers to find

Even I'm not that blind

Still an ignorant slave

To a fragmented mind

But as I write this

I rise from the abyss

The power of these words

Helping me to dismiss

All of the rage

And all the sorrow

So I can be ready

To live for tomorrow

You know that feeling

That sends you reeling

When the void in your chest

Won't let you rest

When all of your rage

Makes you rattle the cage

When no amount of expression

Can alleviate the depression

When it feels like the whole world

Is coming unfurled

And you can't shift the mood

Because you're coming unglued

And you push everyone away

Because you know in your heart

You're not feeling okay

And can't do your part

Those are the days

When I write these things

To clear the malaise

And the anger it brings

I may be a big guy

Who's got a foul mouth

But I'm just trying not to die

From hanging myself

The voices in my brain

They keep getting so loud

I'm going insane

Just want to make people proud

I keep hoping for the day

When I find the right words

To take away the pain

And take away the concerns

So I may lose myself

Every once in a while

But the reason I do this

Is so I can smile

Doused in gold

But nonetheless cold

A world where you

Are expected to grow old

The endless pits

Of double shifts

And the hazardous rhymes

Of these troubled times

A troubled world

Where we'd rather be sleeping

Than having to deal

With the monsters that are creeping

A world where dying

Is better than lying

About who we are

While we watch from afar

Where wars are endlessly fought

For reasons we've long since forgot

Where blood is easy to shed

And we never learn from the dead

A people who cry out in pain

While others just try to stay in their lane

When even reaching one hand out

Could free them from their doubt

We see all the little ways

That our inner demon plays

But don't forget the angel within

That could break us free from the sin

It's easy to get lost

In all of this sauce

But try to keep in mind

It's not the end of the line

Don't just live for tomorrow

Live for next year too

Don't lose your hope

To this chaotic zoo

They say that when

The shadows are darkest

Is when the truth

Is the starkest

That the last glimpse of light

Being swallowed by the night

Is when it all comes together

And you fight against the nether

That it takes until the very end

To truly comprehend

The right was always within the wrong

Like the hopeful notes of a dreary song

And when you begin to fight

Against the ravenous abyss

Is when it starts to come to light

That it was never better than this

All the things that drag you down

Should never be enough

To hold you down until you drown

Because we humans stand tough

When the hallowed end calls for me

It should know it'll have to fight

Because even in my darkest dreams

I still stand against the night

I dream of worlds that come and go

Where I know I don't belong

But every day I wish to leave even though I know it's wrong

I see the places in my mind, the people that are there

I want so bad to leave my world and live without a care

It hurts to think about the ones that I would leave behind

But I think that they'd be better off without my neurotic mind

The person that I could be

If I could find a way to free

The spark inside of me

That no one else can see

I know it's not the right thing, for me to cast away

Everything I could ever be, just to go astray

Always I can feel it, the ever present siren song

It calls to me and says it's okay, even though I know it's wrong

I can never find it in myself to answer it's seductive call

But if that ever happens, and if I ever fall

Just know I'll love you always, and it will never be your fault

This world, it may not be for me

But for now I am still here

I will do whatever I can and I will always be near

I don't want this to hurt you, I just need someone to know

I always feel this weight on me, even if it doesn't show

I know it shouldn't be this hard, to just be here and exist

I guess it tends to help when I know that I'd be missed

Anyway, it's getting late, the dreams are calling me

Maybe now I'll get some sleep, since I've set my feelings free

I'll always love you father, I hope that's never been in doubt

I'll leave you here, but never fear

I'm okay, peace out✌