Lost friendships and shattered dreams,
Of all the things which could have happened.
Never having felt so much pain before,
Going going going just to feel alive.
Part of your soul is crushed beyond repair,
Over and done with.
Every waking moment is a chore to completed,
Mastering the craft takes force of will.
Lingering in the halls of hindsight,
Observing past moments with a telescopic lens.
Noticing every detail you never saw before,
Grasping at memories you wished would never end.
People pass by with lightning speed,
Or simply fade away.
Each glimpse brings tears closer to the surface,
Marring the landscape of cheek and chin.
Letting go hurts much much worse,
Offerings of sweet rejection coursing through frozen veins.
No time for holding on,
Going on auto-pilot despite the pain.
Pull tight and hold on loosely,
Overdo it and the regret will run deep.
Eating of the grapes of wrath,
Munching on cakes of bitter tears.
Lamentations to last throughout the ages,
Ode to a heart of stone.
Novice to the will of the Fates,
Glorified lackey to festering darkness.
Possible outcomes become reality,
Overlooked options now plainly visible.
Even in the darkest moments,
Many truths can come to the light.
We are the sum of our choices,
We are the coalescence of our beliefs.
When two parts become whole,
Then, we are what we were.
Make peace with the past,
Find your special place in the cosmos.
We only live this life once,
Take no brokenness into the void.
And then there was....
I look across the sea to the mountains. Once again lush with greenery, and teeming with life. Standing in the water, up to my waist, I wade across to the shore.
Sharks and dolphins frolic beneath my feet. As the tide brushes over my skin and clothes. No longer is there a need to be rivals. No longer do they fight for the simple right to share a common, crowded, filthy space.
Seals and their pups bark joyously. Penguins practice their bobsledding mimicry with carefree abandon. A tired Orca yawns and chitters its frenzied language. A polar bear only gives it a casual glance, and strolls away with cubs in tow.
In the sky, kites and sparrows play fearlessly. Vultures circle without a thought of death among them. Geese practice their formations simply out of a need for continued ingenuity. Owls and hawks dive and careen in acts of daring and wit.
On the shore, insects of all shapes and sizes scurry over each other. A continuation of their hurried former lives. They were made for that, after all. There are no duels over size and prowess. They couldn't care less that such a thing had ever existed. They dig their homes, and scurry around aimlessly. Even cockroaches, which are no longer in such large numbers,
participate under the light of the sun.
Monkeys chastise the branches, as they leap from tree to tree. Parrots imitate and practice the numerous sounds around them. Mockery being their only concern. Rabbits, dogs, and cats no longer need have such large litters. It is often that they have only one, maybe two. It is not uncommon to see a playful bunny thumping the tail of a lazy kitten. Or a puppy playfully nibbling a bunny's long ears.
In the cities and towns; the sounds of progress are a little quieter than before. Cars, trucks, planes, and trains do not race indefinitely around and over the landscape. Buildings do not sit empty and dilapidated for years and decades. Their rot on display for everyone to see. Skyscrapers do not cut the horizon at weird angles; blocking out the beauty of a sunset or the stars. There is no rush-hour traffic and endless honking and blaring of horns.
Jackhammers do not cut the silence of the day at odd hours. Music is not loud, angry, and pain-driven anymore. People genuinely greet, smile, nod at, kiss, or shake each others hands; when they pass on the street. Eyes gleam with hope and promise for the future ahead. All are equal. All are accepted and accepting.
Death, and the overwhelming desire to consume, have left the building.
(c) Katryese Austin
We make our own demons and our own beds
I do not believe in a Satan character, per se.
I believe he is a symbolic image of a person(s) who history has chosen to glorify and amplify.
A flawed individual such as those we see running for Prime Minister, President, or King/Queen.
As humans, we are capable of great things: empathy, compassion, enterprise, conservation, etc. But so often, we act contrary to our nature. We know what the right thing to do is, but we just don't do it.
The Satan character reflects this idea. Why do you think anti-heroes now permeate most action movies these days? Heroes. True heroes. People who are willing to live and die by a code of pure morality and ethics--are few and far between. Anti-hero, a person who can fall in either direction--depending on which direction the wind is blowing--is more likely to resonate with most people. For example, HellBoy. A demon who functions as an anti-hero because the world at large will never see him as a true hero because of his background.
This is who we are (humans). This is who we have always been. We don't need Satan or demons. There are over 7.8 billion humans on this Earth. I would say that is enough capacity for evil (and also good--angels) without inventing more.
Katryese Austin (3/27/2022)
For the audacity to think I could be anything more than the hand that fate dealt me.
I apologize to the little children, born--or yet to be born, who I professed to one day cure of their various maladies.
I apologize to the mother's who may never hear their child utter an intelligible word. Or who are worn out from decades of caring for a child who may never function at an adult level.
It was you I was thinking of. When I set out on my foolish life's mission. But I needed this too.
Sadly, I presumed too much; thinking that I would one day bare the credentials to make that dream a reality.
I boasted of techniques, research, and technologies which could only exist in a world where life comes before profit.
I bragged of beating the system. So that the needy would no longer have to pull a John-Q to have their child cured by a physician's hand.
I was half out of my mind to believe I could change the world.
And for that, I apologize.
Bodies moist with sweat,
The slog of battle coursing through strained sinew.
A hand trails through chilled waters,
Casually splitting a large algae patty.
Memories of clashing swords,
Competing with fire and ash.
Parades filled with politicians,
Adorned with shiny raiments and gold.
Beware the Ides of March,
Though her crocus be bright and fair.
Many a gladiator did dream of Nature's vernal abandon,
Never to again see the sun.
(c) Feb 24, 2022
The Color of Months
My ice cream does not melt,
I slowly twirl a frozen cherry.
Atop a mound of sinful delight,
Temptation proving the rightful winner.
What I feel in my heart underwhelms the soul,
Like faded rose petals--shadowed a color.
For a month so short,
It offers absolute freedom.
Where do I go from here?
Where There’s Smoke There’s Fire
As my world burned, I pulled open the boss' desk and retrieved the leather cigar case hidden under the false drawer bottom.
Leaning back in the chair, I sniffed what was obviously a newer one, and placed it between my pursed lips.
Let's get this over with-- I'm ready for the final hurrah!
(c)Jan 10 2022
Never Knew It
From the earliest times I can remember; I was someone's doormat or shoulder to cry on.
From childhood friends who turned out to be bullies,
To people who were only interested in what I could offer them.
I tried not to be jaded;
I tried to see that not all people are this way.
Don't know how well that worked out though....
Here I am writing this.
Dear Prospective Applicant,
I hesitate to use the term candidate because I cannot, in good faith, believe you were ever serious about the position in the first place. I am reaching out in an attempt to fulfill my managerial duties. However, curiosity would have me find out exactly what you were seeking with your application.
Under "Education," you listed:
-disease management (booger sharing)
-play-doh taste tester
What does any of that even mean, in regards to computer programming and technology?
Under " Skills," you listed:
- can read
- can hunt and peck on a keyboard
- can see out of both eyes
- have been speaking since the age of 3-4
- can manage emotions well without harming others
While all of these things are commendable; they add absolutely no value to your resume.
Last, but not least. You listed, under "References,":
"You can call me anytime you like."
This last line appears suspect and highly inappropriate.
If you are in fact serious about a job with Parsons and Persons Computer Innovations and Associates LLC., I would first like to offer you some very helpful pointers.
Please DO seek both vocational and possibly other forms of help before reapplying. It is obvious, from the information in your application packet, that more work is needed to bring you up to speed on what is required in the current job marketplace.
Best of luck and I do wish you the best.
(c) Jan 7/2022
Single By The Decade (Another Decade) Day:
It started in 2019, when I realized that "Singles Day" was a thing. Single By The Decade starts on the morning of your birthday, in each consecutive multiple of ten.
1. Wake up.
2. Look around.
3. Fluff your/my pillow.
4. Sigh/stretch (Let any residual sadness/gloom flow through and away from you).
5. Get up and do something. Anything that keeps you/me busy.
6. Have a breakfast you've always wanted but never had the time for.
7. Listen to upbeat music all day.
8. Listen to a hilarious audiobook over lunch or with dinner.
9. Drink tea or coffee out of a glass instead of a mug.
10. Dress up or dress down to the extreme (cozy clothes). Nothing in between.
The point is to feel like a QUEEN/KING or like you own the day and don't owe it anything.
11. Allow yourself ONE (1) guilty pleasure snack.
12. Turn off your phone/computer if at all possible. No interruptions.
13. Absolutely DO NOT buy anything that day. Emotions may get in the way and cause you to spend money you never intended on. Which could affect future finances and emotions. Resist the urge to splurge.
14. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Remind yourself that you are enough.
I'm so doing this next decade. :D