Ashes of dust piles from

the gray above.

Black streaks climb up the sides

of crispy flowers,

melting and sizzling

like roadkill on concrete,

foaming at the mouth,

sagged eyes

and bloodied fur

in the hot Arizona sun.

A harmonious break

between real and fake.

Chattering, closer and closer

like it's right behind my shoulder

even though there's nothing there.

Scraping long and hard down the wall

cutting everything into shreds

effortlessly, so effortlessly.

Like we're

just a speck

of dust.

A presence so small

we don't matter.

Something it can crush

without a thought.

Winds sweeping me into their deception,

tossing and turning me

like a mouse in a hamster wheel,

stuck, wrong place wrong time

yet unable to escape.

Screeching, eyes bulging out

as they swarm my face,

their charred talons

blindly swiping,

picking at my skull.

Black and white.

Eerie silence.

Almost as if there

was never life

in the first place.

Complete darkness soaked through

the edges of my skin.

Dripping through,

slushy coagulation

contaminating my veins.

A sponge with

branches reaching out the sides,

destroying itself while

crystalizing paths

for another chance.

Thick crust

coating the sides of everything in sight.

Loud but quiet,

jagged but smooth,

slick, level, dull-

all of it,

unrecognizable.

It took one day for

the entire thing to flip,

spinning on half a chance.

Like a circus show,

waiting in suspense

for the final act,

to leave

on a good note.

Finally, I think of one.

One word

that engulfed me,

blinding me in its tricks.

Eyebrows rise,

fingers carefully

grasp the sides

of my pockets.

Rapid heartbeat,

goosebumps lining

the edges of my arms.

Shoes hidden

behind the seats

infront of me,

trembling.

Yes, that's the word.

They're waiting- say it, loud

and proud.

One last word.

I open my mouth--

but I can't remember it.

Lost, like a fortune cookie slip

in the wind-

fluttering away from my grasp

through the holes in my hand,

dissolving in the sky.

Gone into the endless void

just like everything else.

I missed again.

right when I thought I had it-

Just yesterday, grasping it in my hands

Filling me whole,

rows of the calendar filled with green checks,

when I soared above the concrete

that once trapped me within.

I was already seeing a misplacement,

a shift in the winds.

But,

I was wrong.

So wrong, that even I may not believe

that the smile I once had

could ever be regained.

Why, when after all those long nights

from morning to midnight

must I lose?

Even my success has to be destroyed,

after everything else I've just earned

is lost?

Challenged by hands of those

creating a wall around me,

stretching on forever,

closing in more

no matter which direction I pivot.

Preying along the winds,

not missing even a speck of dirt,

devoted to my work.

Decades more until

I find myself

lifted above the clouds so far

I can see the rings of saturn.

Only during the night

can every tear of mine

melt with the rythmic hum

from the computer.

Only during the day

can my cheeks ache

from smile lines.

Each step lifting me higher

towards the light

where only the brightest

could walk.

Then a rock came,

propelled by gravity

from the direction of those below.

Should I give them a medal of honor,

for redefining what's impossible?

For finding joy in cutting all the strings

that prevented me from living

among the ants,

tiny dots suffocated deep

within earth's core?

Yes, I applaud them,

for shredding my wings apart

as I plummet deep,

below the platform of which I started.

Eyes glinting, flickering to my ragdoll body,

my flailing bones

as I catch momentum, remnants of my storm

remain in their breath,

a past memory that never felt so distant.

They brush sweat off their forehead

as they peer down,

making sure I vanish below the end

before looking back up towards the stars

where I once was.

Stuck, helpless even as I fall:

a pinball ricocheting aimlessly,

forced into a million different paths,

unable to withstand the crippling pressure.

Slow, agonizing pain as needles stab relentlessly,

sinking with me further into the depths of the ocean.

Shattering into fragments,

pieces to never be recovered.

Scratches, worn stains along the plaster--

something only the wisest of birds

have seen on their fall back down.

Frail.

Broken.

Crumpled.

Inches like miles,

days like minutes.

Slumped under each mountain,

which I once saw as a easy step

to bypass.

Stuck in the very center, digging back out

stomped down at the trough,

pummeled under the surface

as they ride the crest

of the waves,

gaining momentum

and never stopping.

See the stars

which shine bright no matter

if it's night or day?

Their flickers

catching us more,

even so far away.

Will I ever make it,

tracing constellations with my fingertips,

with my feathers

scattered around the galaxy

once more?

Lately, my heart beats fast

when I'm around you

I don't know its path

Do you feel it too?

It changes constantly, this way or that

as I slowly wonder what I should do

Too scared to tell you,

gentle rollercoasters always inside

But I won't say who

makes me stuck in my mind

It's all to surreal

as if we're in a dream

why don't we make the vision real

enveloped in emotional steam

But the warmth, for me, comes from your personality

getting to understand you on all the deeper levels

spending time with you, both sides conversing actively

as time passes, I'll always believe that you're special

Dandelions floating with ease among the wind

Gracefully with no thoughts at all

Others assume it must be easy for me

Because "it doesn't look like" I'll ever fall

But that thought they created in a second

Off of first impressions, was wrong

Years of roughing everything out

Losing myself slowly, strand by strand

Yet never able to avoid the doubt

"There's no point, if we can't understand"

"Why take flight if you can't land"

Even if it's great to experience firsthand

It'll all mean nothing if you can't withstand

Through the difficulties and decay, staying dedicated to your plan

Dandelions losing what others admire

Every second their fuzz is swiftly thrown away

All for what, to reach higher?

Yet the others see believe what their untruthful assumptions say: "Dandelion will always be like that, having it easy"

All they see is a fake display

They'll never know Dandelion's path

until their perception turns gray

Just one minute

of unbearable regret

Unable to recover

falling to the pits in my chest

Slow cadence places our memories into the fire

What you said you really meant

One sentence.

Simple, sharp-edged words tearing through my mind

poison bullets breathing through my skin

finding me from the inside

and tearing me apart, when did this begin?

Mask you force crumbles

tears glaze over, not daring to spill

Tried to, but only a mumble

look deeply into my eyes, stay still

Fill me with real emotions

like you did back then

let me dive into your ocean

be like we used to, once again

Too slow.

Voice breaks, sending goosebumps throughout

Eyes dart to the side

It's not our fault

I just want you to be mine

I just wish

I could change the outcome.

I just wish

but with no action

what to do

when that's your reaction?

The knob turns with a final goodbye

The slam of the door, my eyes blurred

echoes lingering longer, resisting to reply

filled with pain, the only sound to be heard

A silent heartbeat through my ears

fell like a ragdoll

didn't want to lose you, mind full of fears

can't go any longer, this I can't handle

Wrapped around the idea of us

hugging so tightly the only trace left of you

Won't settle for anyone less

can't say you love me too

Only after you left

Did I break.

[ Add-on to the story is below, for those who want a happy ending! Enjoy, and thanks for reading :) ]

Back facing me with a blue stature, shoes on

Shaking, reaching, aimed to catch the glimmer of hope

You and me, both still drawn

can't forget you, still in my scope

But how'd you know?

That I'd wait for you

even after we went our separate ways, stopped our flow

Suppose we knew, despite that we did argue

Our hearts remain true, shining aglow

Slight tap on the shoulder,

eyes contradict our fights

We don't want a placeholder

Together we feel right.

Fingertips gripping your shirt

both got the clue, what shall we do?

eyes dart back and forth, night's a blur

Flowers in us bloom, perfect for two

Sweet taste way overdue

We'll do better this time, I'm sure

Won war against time, hearts still burning

You, the only one that I prefer

Sorry, I didn't mean that

Passed you a note instead

You're too quiet, something's off

Every action, carefully painted in red

Head turns away but I hear your scoff

Sorry, I didn't mean that

Gave me a look

No words between us

Oops, I misunderstood

Didn't mean to make a fuss

Sorry, I didn't mean that

I thought this was the time

Foreign to the signals you sent me

Can I rewrite that line?

Please, neither of us should leave

Seconds swept past even faster

Whirlwinds through my mind

Lost more than I could muster

You're going to leave me behind?

It happened in a second

Broke out of your cage

Are you discontent?

Don't act, this isn't a stage

Saying you were fine

Just to trap yourself again

Please give me a good sign

Show me you, honest & unrestrained

Before, I missed the moment

Yet here I was-

Hours passed like seconds,

Quick, feels like a blur

Another added to my list of mismanagements

Rushed out along the city's stirr

Didn't mean to be late

Said it was the traffic

My actions worsening your state

Guilty, mind full of panic

Only after you insulted me

Have I stopped being "a chore"

Only after silence pushed us apart

Have I started mending more than ever before

Only after you distanced

Have I deciphered what went wrong

Only after your words grew tainted with lies

Did I learn it won't last long

Only after the ruins of us started to weather down

Did I say nothing, unable to assert

Only after it was over

Did I see us start to hurt

Outstretched, barely missing by a hair

Guess you already forgot

Don't try to repair

What we've lost

Found out way too slow

Both of us, full of sorrow

Can't move on but forced to go

Didn't mean to be cargo

Too late, churning too fast

Stumbling, revolting words strewn together

This- my first, will be my last

Unreplaceable, nothing will ever be better

One straight path cutting through, and I lost her.

They have a loud presence, but they disappear without a second thought. Different palettes of colors smudged on the sky hypnotize me as booms seem to ricochet off the buildings around me. The darkness makes them even prettier. Powerful, constant bursts of flowery pattern that feel so close but so far. They enchant me, leaving me with this wistful feeling, words that I regret overflowing from my mind to my mouth. Just like when I was with her.

My eyes flee as the deep booms take a breath that lasts forever, and the emptiness of silence gradually falls upon the crowd. Faint flickers of soft but piercing sheens are emitted from the streetlights, lining a path down the road between the cold, mellow buildings. Gray and dull on the outside and covered in perfect, impeccable rows of weathered windows, the skyscrapers seemed to ache with exhaustion with each breeze that passed through. Buildings should have more splashes of color once in a while, instead of being artificial and ordinary. But, I'm one to talk. Maybe being direct was too much, I should've shown personality through my confession. I shouldn't have sacrificed us; we should've stayed friends, because when she left, it felt like needles stabbing me in the gut.

My mind travels, wandering down hypotheticals I may regret thinking. Wondering everything- what she's doing now, where she is, and wishing for the full story I've missed out on. I never stopped looking for the unfinished puzzle pieces that were lost once she disappeared from my life.

My phone no longer buzzes each morning with calls from her. My journal entries about this crush of mine seem so delusional; I almost don't want to read my entries because of how ridiculous they seem. But when she held my hand in one and touched my cheek with the other, I couldn't stop myself. When she gave me that look, that aura between us, wasn't that too real to deny? I was too late to stop the words coming out of my mouth.

My heart was racing, and a wave of nervousness washed over me.

"What?" Her crystal clear and unrecognizably cold tone unsettled me.

Did she not hear me or is she just in shock? She has a mix of expressions I never thought I'd see. Confused, shocked, and surprised in one package. Maybe even a hint of disappointment, so I carefully opened my mouth.

Her phone started buzzing at the worst moment. "I'm really sorry but I need to take this." She pulled it out of her pant pocket. "This is urgent, I'll talk to you later, okay? You know I'd never leave like this if the situation wasn't serious...." She trailed off as I nodded, embarrassed.

The whirring of the aircon seemed to put my mind in a loop. The calm, rhythmic sounds seemed to catch the pulse in my ear beating rapidly.

After they exchanged some words, her shoes almost tripped over eachother as she scrambled down the stairs, eyes widened. Her face flashed worry and sadness as entered a taxi, slamming the lemon-colored door shut. I could follow her as a concerned 'friend', but what's stopping me?

I put my feelings aside, bracing myself. Even her closest friends don't mess with her personal affairs like this. I feel like I'm taking a jump that could make or break everything between us.

I stepped into her business building, following her through the halls. Her winter coat wrapped around her in a hurry and the ends of her scarf trailing a little bit behind, she ran down twists and turns. Suddenly she abruptly stopped, facing a burly man adorned with accessories. I stopped 5 paces behind, silently peering around a corner. He was visibly angry, scolding her as she apologized. His eyes glazed over as he spotted me, pointing and pushing us out of the building. She was already in trouble, but I was the spark that set her boss off. I'm the reason why she got fired. Regret is a daunting thing. But even when your intentions were good, why does it twist and turn, revealing only your worst parts?

Looking down the closed-off road filled with more of this crowd, and up above is a clearing in the sky between the buildings. Quiet and peace in such a busy and chaotic place. A voice, piercing through the brisk breeze, through the silence surrounding us. One I would recognize anywhere, leaning from behind to whisper in my ear. Saying that she found a new job and isn't upset. And saying that she has an answer for me.

Am I so delusional that I've started imagining things? What an interesting feeling. I gingerly lift my coffee to my parched lips. It's cold from the breeze, which makes me feel colder than I already am. Then that same someone lightly taps on my shoulder. But I've always felt, that this person is real. The warm bitterness seems to melt on my tongue.

"It all happens in an instant"

But for me, it happened in slow motion. The smell of her perfume that I instantly recognized, before I saw her face. The fast turn to look, her eyes gleaming with light even in the darkness. Hearing the fireworks set off once more, shooting temporary flames into the sky. My feet falling flat and the crisp winter breeze sweeping me off my feet as her hands lightly wrap around my back.

I'm about to burst- no, I already am, and my nervous fidgets in my pockets aren't helping. My hands slightly grip her coat, making new creases as she comes closer. Her eyes, talking with a million words and no sound. My heart blooming like a lit candle in the middle of winter, warm but cold simultaneously. The beat of the fireworks making my soul feel every touch. An embrace of change. The cheering of the crowd surprised by more fireworks, echoing down the streets. Her whispers tickling my ear, saying unforgettable words that would change us for the better once more.

She appeared infront of me once more. I never wanted to let her go. The colors shone through the sky, creating waves of imperfectly perfect lines across the view. The whistle of the fireworks closing the show, making a grand exit. And finally, her. Nobody else, nothing else will ever matter as much as her. Only her.

One straight path cutting through, and I found her.

Thanks, I'm glad. I really am. But not really, I'm too tired for this. The weather outside is icky- so I feel locked inside. Curtains drawn and swimming in a pool of darkness. Except the illumination from a digitized screen, my eyes strained and barely managing to stay open. The only sound to be heard being the dull, motorized tick tick tick of the bare, black and white clock. And then, I get an email. A new roommate. Seconds later, a knock on the door. Flicking the lights on, I freshen myself up so I look the tiniest bit presentable, and I slow my pace as the door creaks open. From the moment I saw you, I knew I was bound to change.

I never learned the real reason why people value every small moment, until I met you. You were always the person that brought smiles to everyone's faces, brought energy that replenished the soul and advice that resonated with people on a different wavelength. And yet, I wasn't brave enough to admit it infront of your face. Something about the whole act seemed nerve-wracking. Yet here I am, hopelessly staring at the ceiling, with a heart torn to peices.

You split my heart in two, in a good way. It was because of your new job that we met. I saw a new side of me emerge whenever we were together. Every moment with you was priceless. From our deep, seemingly life-long conversations to our shallow movie nights, you added sparks of enchantment to every detail, big or small, to every experience.

Your superpower, if anything, would be a candle. A small, yet strong presence that never failed to illuminate the room. Having pride in your ability to shine bright, despite your awareness that small shadows still remain. An elegant, refined composure on the outside, but full of warmth on the inside. Someone who can light their own flame and help others even in the toughest situations. In fact, you helped me enhance myself without realizing it.

In the mornings, we'd take a walk to our local cafe. The smell of fresh morning dew and a glimmering sunrise melted with tones of orange greeted us on every walk. We'd grab a latte and a daily newspaper, sitting by the sleek warmth of the fireplace. Soft fingers danced along the edges of the paper, turning each page, and lukewarm cafe music wrapped us in a warm, cozy blanket.

As we stepped outside, everything seemed to change. Light gray tints started to spread across the clouds as rain pelted down. Shimmering layers of rain would soak our clothes as we sat on a rough, wooden park bench. We'd listen to the splatter of the water onto the sidewalk, exploring every inch of the park scenery through our eyes.

You were always at ease. Even sitting by the fire, sipping your latte in a peaceful trance while your job was full of chaos, you sat reading your newspaper, always looking so content. You never cared about getting your hands dirty as long as we made shared memories, even if they weren't worth it. Even during the rain, your calming energy ushered us through different parks, and our laughs would echo down the neighborhoods nearby. Your ability to be at ease when chaos and turmoil is around you was a huge inspiration.

Soon enough, I found myself wishing to spend the rest of my time with you. At first, I wanted to become better friends- for our bond to get stronger and stronger without fail. But as time passed by, something about you made my heart melt. Your candle's flame started burning a bit too bright, and soon enough all I could see was you. I started thinking about you all day, every day, and It wasn't something I could control.

You split my heart in two, in a good way. It was because of your job promotion that we split. But when you left, you were unaware that you brought fragments of myself alongside your journey. But that one time when you looked at me differently- the slightest bit of affection in your eyes, glimmering in the sunlight, sent jolts through my heart. I can't be mistaken, you definitely looked at me like that... But what if I am- and all of what 'we' are goes down the drain?

Is the fear of sacrifice worth the chance of turning this into something more? But I waited too long, the deadline creeping up from behind. Too lost in my thoughts, months felt like days, days felt like hours. I looked up, and suddenly every trace of you was gone. For work, I know, but I wish you could stay. All that you brought made this space feel magical; all that you took made the space feel empty, like a cup waiting to be percieved as half full instead of half empty. I lost a piece of me, and I know that if I was just brave enough, and if I had asked you, out of all the other people in the world, you might, possibly, hopefully, stay here with me forevermore.

Through all this, I'm glad. I really am. For the memories we share and for these unforgettable emotions you put me through. For you and for me. I'm grateful. So, thanks. For making my world a different place. For making it better then it used to be and pushing me to become better instead of just thinking about it.

So this time, thanks, really.

I'm glad.

I really am.

I'm here with someone who's supposedly you, but everything feels off. It's blaring like a siren through my ears, but I keep trying to defer it. Is the shadow on your face that reveals that crooked grin? The smallest detail that I happened to catch, hitting me like a carefully aimed bowling ball in the biggest way.

Never understood why we always felt so distant. You're repetitive, moving away from me mid-conversation like I'm just another part of your past. A mask, the raging fire of disappointment only showing when I'm by your side.

I haven't done anything, the only variable that's changed is you. But no matter how many times I make new meals for you, all that's left for me to eat are leftovers. "Better than nothing," they said, but I'm starting to doubt that. Your eyes wander off into the distance when I know there's nothing to look at but the wall. One too many tries and your back is my new conversation partner. You're only answering to get it over with. Only smiling and laughing to catch the attention of the people behind me. Only sit with me because your friends pity me and guilt trip you.

I always thought I tried hard, but have I? Maybe all this 'effort' I've contributed to the deepening of our bond is really just a figment of my imagination. The level of this tide is so low that it's sub-par, hitting and damaging itself by the rocks that stand in its way. Scarred and repulsed, the tide's sweeping back towards the bottomless void of the ocean. And yet, returning scarred and battered with a mentality the same as before, the tide runs into the rocks, only to be smashed once more. Even though this has been endured for years in a row, only now is the salt starting to sting. The others say it's because thats how the ocean normally moves. Never allowing themselves to believe that the real cause is concealed, the moon forcing their every move like a puppet.

Watching your shoes quicken as they start to travel in the opposite direction, I think back on why this plan has crumbled to pieces. The silence feels loud. While I'm here exploring the maze you led me to, I fail to realize that I'm trapped in this complex. As I'm stuck here in this fog yet you're out in the sun with them on the other side. You came and left so quick, and you hardly know that your moves are still in my sight.

"What do you want? Why do you keep bothering me?"

Your eyes speak without you noticing. I'm not stupid- I see the way you trudge, shoulders hunched when you walk over to me, and exuberantly perk up with them seconds later. You change in a split second. Was that the wrong time to ask? Were you cranky that day? Is it me that's the problem?

I'm spicy, but not spicy enough. I'm this, I'm that, but not that enough. What are you trying to instill? Why put a curse on these intentions seeking for friendship?

Please, please don't call me bland anymore. I'm full of hidden surprises that you refuse to see. Yet I still care and put in years to our relationship. And no, this isn't jealousy. This is confusion and bewilderment, but maybe you've been sending me a message this entire time. I'll let go and naturally find a new friendship. Then, I'll pour every inch of love and effort I can into it.

Here's to a new era of change, embracing the future and letting go of the past. I know myself well enough. I can do this. I know I can. It's just going to take some time to find people I connect with really well and can build friendships with. But, that's the point, isn't it? To enjoy the journey, instead of speeding through the fast lane.

Humans are like flowers. If you neglect sunlight, soil and the right enviroment, it's hard to make use of opportunities and interests presented to you. Especially because you can't give the people closest to you your energy as your relationship grows. You can't absorb fulfilling rays of sunlight, instead you simply observe and see both withering and budding flowers.

Except myself, I'm more like bubbles on top of soda that constantly fizz out and in again when exposed to air. It feels like a tornado constantly whirling inside my head. Winds pick up sand, rocks, possibly even a small lizard, throwing everything into a melting pot of chaos. Like I'm working against myself, distancing step by step from those memories I once held close, vowing to never let go. Or was that a dream?

Everyday, I go and work relentless hours. If I stop my movement, It'll be harder to get back up, which is why I never break my stride unless it's for a good reason. And yet, now I've collapsed along the side of the wall, feeling helpless. My one rule, to never stop, has been broken.

Despite this emotional turmoil, I manage to scrape bits of energy within me. It's not enough. So, I wait, and I hear music ringing through my ears; faint but starting to near. It reminds me of those days, with the sour smells of lemonade being sold along the sidewalk, the pop of bacon on a frying pan in rays of morning sunshine, the breeze skimming along the curves of my face. It was a fresh POP, right in scope of view.

Lately, I feel like I'm constantly trying to escape a closed brick box. Cramped and trying to punch my way through, but not being able to make it. Knuckles getting scarred with pain and injury, my mind deteriorating; stuck in the unseen mists inside cloaks of darkness. Perhaps I'm getting so distraught that I won't remember a single thing once this vicious cycle ends. There's one thing I will remember, though: don't take things for granted.

It doesn't take long for me to realize that I've already bloomed; already experienced the perfect prime of life. Even though I'm so different compared to a flower, I yearn for the things that a flower seems to gain so easily. But I can't escape this box on my own, and I don't know anyone able to see me who has the power to help.

But just now, I smelt a scent through sound. It felt nostalgic, like my childhood. And the aftermath it had was incredible. But for me, for some reason the smallest things my parents do for me make me feel loved. I'm teleported to another realm, my eyes closing as I fall into a slumber, despite my aching back. Scenes of sun-filled days play on a grand black and white screen.

But even now it shows- fragments of my childhood being put back piece by piece to complete a magnificent puzzle. Fragments that once cowered inside the cracks now morphed into strong pieces, assembled to create a masterpiece.

My dad was always so thoughtful. "Ana, you forgot this, silly!" My Dad brought me glasses of water because he knows, I'll forget to drink water with my meal. He sat on the couch and changed stations from the heavy news headlines droning on all day to a comedy show we both love. Without saying a word, he picked up my plate and cleans up everything- including leftover food on the table.

My stepmom also did many things for me. "Ana, I missed you so much." She hugged me tightly, while mentioning that she read an article about how people need to hug for 20 seconds to get the benefits of a hug. Then she adds "another 4 seconds because she loves me so much" and slowly backed away. The next minute, she showed me some clothes from her closet she wanted to give me, because she thought I'd like them.

My mom did too. "Hahaha, Ana what does that even mean??" She'd react to my silly comments and engage with me, in loving banter. But at the same time, she always looked for my mistakes so she could teach me valuable life lessons and make sure I'll never forget them. In addition, she remembered things I said about my life that even I had forgotten. She (lovingly) shoved me out of the house so we can play pickleball(may i add, not an old person sport) together, or maybe even learn a new healthy, homemade recipe to make.

My stepdad did too. "Nice catch, Ana! Woah, look at that, we got so much loot!" He'll play shooting games on his console. Laser focused, he would always invite another pair of eyes to help. He'd navigate amongst debris, sneaking up on the NPC enemies. When I spot something, he'd react and listen to what I have to say. Sometimes, we'd get SO INTO the games that we'll high-five as if we won a championship game with a flawlessly executed grand slam. Other days, maybe annoyed that our teammate did that ONE thing that threw all our hard work off-track.

That wonderful energy, the feeling of running through fields of grassy plain-filled dandelions is powerful. And I feel it whenever I'm with my family, for the most part. Small actions that they do bring a gentle, lukewarm smile to my face. Happily looking dad's way, as he works on his computer a couple paces away from me on the couch. Watching my stepmom as she makes her (reaaaaaalllyyyy delicious) frittata in the morning, or other savory meals throughout the day. Funny glances towards mom as she dances and goofs around with me. Helping my stepdad play all and any of his games, as we somehow manage to pass many (incredibly) difficult levels.

Although these are small things, to me they stand out. And just now, it came rushing back, so fast that I remembered these bittersweet memories before I knew it. They hit me like a stike of lightning that brought my goal of remembering to fruition. What I thought was a curse, had turned into a blessing.

As I wake up, I realize that the box has been shattered into shards, and I feel a weight in my hand. Long and slim, with a heavy metal edge on one end. A hammer; I've been fighting back this entire time, unknowingly. My inner child has been unboxed; remembered and filling me with ideas. Not only that, but I've been restored and am now the better version of myself I ever thought I could be.

I open my eyes once more. The music has stopped. Dropped back into the middle of a bustling city, back into my life. The breeze that once tickled my face when I was younger has started to send the reddish-brown leaves off onto their own journeys of migration, drawing complex maps in the sky.

Maybe previously, my eyes were blinded; maybe it's NOW that I'm starting my journey. I still haven't reached my peak- and maybe I don't want to, maybe I want to keep growing and testing my limits. After years of growing, maybe it is now that I'm starting to bloom.

[ Thank you for reading this far. This is one of the few stories I've extracted from being entangled in the maze that is my mind. And, I hope there will be more to come. If you're willing, you can come along the ride too. :) ]