I sit still for a moment, feeling the blood spew from the center of my chest. I look around, hoping to see anybody who might be able to help me as I begin to cry. Just as soon as the pain hits, it begins to fade and is soon gone, and I swiftly fade into unconsciousness.

I awake to the sound of laughter and cheering. I try to blink to clear my sight, but my eyes disobey me. I instead attempt to speak, but rather than words, strange noises come forth, and in horror, I realize that I am no longer in my own body. I think I have been reincarnated.

-Monachopsis

I pace rapidly. Awaiting my turn to go on stage, I need air, or water, or probably both. My nerves have shot so far up that I can barely hear the person currently talking. If only they all knew how important what I’ve got to say is. I wish the person on stage would speak faster. All of this waiting, it’s pushing me to insanity! What if I go on stage, and the council finds what I’ve got to say as dull or insignificant! Right, concentrate. It’ll be all right, I’ve just got to go out there and pray to the Gods that the council will help us.

“Hello, I’d like to begin by blessing you all for listening to my speech, and for the honor of presenting it to you. My name is Dr. Leo James, and I desire to discuss Earth. Although King Aegostrol and Queen Khalasaar have been in check of Earth since the Great War, we must remember that it was Henbarth who created Earth so he’d have a place for his creatures of war and for him and his family to live. I have reason to believe that Henbarth has been on the move and that he is planning on commencing war one last time between Earth and Sierta. But this will be no ordinary fight. Henbarth plans to either win over our home star: Sierta, or go down fighting. He will not back down or surrender this time as he has done in his previous attempts to attack and take control of our home.”

“And why should we believe you? What proof do you have that can convince us?”

“For a start, because I came directly from Earth, from Henbarth himself. Three years ago, I was employed in secret directly by Queen Khalassar. She had had a dream, a vision, that Henbarth would once again attempt an attack on Sierta and that this time he would neither surrender nor flee. She hired me to keep an eye on him just in case. I spent the first two years earning his credence and getting myself the title of his assistant. And I have spent this past year watching over his shoulder as he creates the most terrifying new creatures and builds the most horrific weapons of war any living creature has set eyes on before.”

“And why have you come to us? Why have you not gone straight to Queen Khalaasar and King Aegostrol? Are they not to be told and warned of this condemnation first?”

“I have told them already, Sir. As soon as I reached the city, I went straight to them! They have asked me to come here to have you listen to our predicament in the hope you will help us train and recruit more soldiers for the upcoming battle.”

“And when does Henbarth intend to attack?”

“He plans to be ready for battle by the New Season, then, he can attack on the day of the Spring Star Shower when most people will be at home in Sierta with their friends and family members from neighboring Stars. He is planning on attacking in waves from every direction, Sir. He plans on beginning the attack with his undesirables, his creatures of war and destruction that did not turn out as he wanted them to, or that he dislikes because he created them “in the image of disformity. Once the Undesirables are nearly all annihilated, then he will send in his weapons of war along with his Arcturian Giants of Extinction, which we all know are very deadly to Eternitarians. Especially if they manage to meet our eyes with theirs which will lead to them sapping the energy directly from us. Which then leaves us drained and too exhausted to continue fighting, as you may well remember from the last battle, and often leads to many of our soldiers crashing from the atmosphere back to Sierta. Once Henbarth’s Arcturian Giants complete weakening our borders by their means of dissolution and decay, he will then advance by striking with his ideals. He plans on sending them in three waves, and once our warriors have been drained or killed off, he intends to ride in, side by side with each member of his horrible family, and either see Sierta won over, or die fighting. By that time, nearly every Eternitarian working the border and thousands of extra soldiers sent in to assist them will have fallen, meaning that even if the Leaders and Generals of Sierta manage to fight off the first five waves, they will still have to deal with Henbarth and his family, which everybody knows is only a match for Queen Khalasaar and King Aegostrol.”

“What do you propose we do then? If Henbarth’s weapons of war and chaos are as dangerous and terrible as you say, what will we be able to do to fend him off? What chance do we have of surviving?”

“You see, Sir. I came back to Sierta to warn you all, but afterward, I will have to return to Henbarth to continue watching and to give you all a higher percentage rate of surviving. Although this all stands true, I did come with some diagrams you might find helpful and even instructive if the engineers can manage to recreate the machines. I have brought you the blueprints of Henbarths’ machines of war.”

-Monachopsis

Dear Me,

I’m here to tell you that I am truly, truly sorry. I wasn’t strong enough, I could not protect you. I claimed you as strong, but when the test came, I was too weak to even put up a fight. Lost you are to your past and your pain, I ask you to let it rest and to rid yourself of this evil that clings to you. Strapping you down, clipping your wings. It doesn’t have to be this way, you could be free this very instance. But instead you are burdened, weighed down... and it’s my fault, so I apologize. I am very, very sorry. I said no, I said no, I said no. But then I gave in, I gave up, I gave myself away. I stopped caring about you, about me, because he broke us, and that fact kills me, but I have also learned from it, grown stronger from it. I ask you to do the same, to move on. You may never forget it, you may never forgive him, you may never get past it completely, but you can always follow in my foot steps. You have the power to learn from it, to choose to help it build you. I will be here for you when you are ready to move on, I will be here when you are in need of me. I promise to do my best to grow stronger, to become the best version of myself, so that if a similar case every happens, I will be able to continue fighting rather than giving in. I’m sorry, I wish you well, and the best of luck my Love. -Me

-Monachopsis

The rain creeps down, the clouds roll in,

and Lightning Strikes as the Night turns Grimm.

-Monachopsis

Why do the people that I get most attached to always seem to leave.

Do I scare them? Intimidate them? Annoy them?

All I try in do is love them as best I can.

The best people seem to realize what they have done, and so they try in return.

Most of the time I have to reject them.

Beautiful my heart shall be until it truly breaks into millions of pieces.

People come and go. When they return, how can I tell wether they will leave again or not?

Die my heart does every time one goes, and again when I must turn them down.

When love found me, I was scared. I ran away from it, but it captured me in its claws.

You walked after me and took my heart right from me. You said you needed to fix it.

Are you happy with your work? I believe you almost succeeded in fixing it.

In a dream I lived. True at times it turned into a nightmare.

A nightmare which bleed discretely within the gorgeous dream.

Garden. My garden. You tried to take my garden from me, but I wouldn’t let you.

Which parts are lost though? Because we both know you trampled some of my flowers.

Flowers which bloomed so bright, lost their glow quite a while ago. Now they are dead.

Do you know what you put me through? I loved you, so much. And then you left.

You say you regret the moment you left. But then why did you leave at all?

Pick the favorite parts of me and devour them. That’s what you tried to do.

The favorite parts of me you stole.

Most of my favorite parts of myself I can no longer find.

Beautiful parts of me that now seem to be missing.

Ones that I want back, but are going to take me quite a while to recover.

Exactly when all of my flowers have regrown, somebody new comes and tramples them.

Why are people so cruel? People who do not even know me and never will.

Does my pain truly bring them that much content with their forms of torturing me.

Death loves me, and I suppose I love her back. She is not the killer. She is the Savior.

Exist just to bring pain to others. What type of life is that?

At my worst times I wish I were dead At my best, I don’t feel anything.

All I wish for is happiness. But it’s not always that easy to come by I suppose.

Who cares though? Why cares how I feel, unless you perhaps feel the same?

Picks many flowers in their lives the haters do.

The one thing I always think about, who made it so the haters got the power to judge?

Flowers after flowers they pick. When will it ever stop. When will they have had enough?

Anyways, I’m off to go regrow my flowers once more. Care to join me?

-Monachopsis

You ask me time-and-time again,

are there things from you I hid?

My answer always remains the same,

but could it be that I did?

I tell you parts from my past,

just the scraps, the known facts.

It’s true though love, there’s more than that.

There are more parts to my past.

The pains from hell that come along

to haunt me ’till I too am gone.

The dancing figures lined in gold,

waving to my disfigured soul.

As I look on gold turns to rust,

and finally from rust to dust.

Flowing around me, forming a cage.

Just like the one concealing my rage.

Their laughter dies and all is still,

and then I know their heart is as well.

But through the pain and through it all,

they still will come with me.

At least until mine is as well.

Written; July 31st, 2018

-Monachopsis

I realize I’ve been dreaming,

The air is too thin.

The demons are screaming,

I think they might win.

It’s going dark,

My heart rate is low.

No therapy can save me,

I think I’m letting go.

The time is frozen,

The air is so cold.

I wish I could die,

But he won’t let me go.

He denies that he loves me,

But how could that be?

His eyes scream that he wants me,

While his lips say no.

I deny that I love him,

I love him so much.

My heart aches for him,

I yearn for his touch.

His soft, warm skin,

His bright electric eyes.

His smile when he sees me,

God, it lights up the sky.

I want him so badly,

But he could never be mine.

I can’t keep pretending that I’m his guy.

He could never love me,

It would never be right.

For now, we’re friends,

And I guess that‘s alright.

-Monachopsis

The tall brick wall which once stood tall,

Reduced to a pile of rubble.

Lonely I stand, tall and sad awaiting my downward fall.

Walking along not feeling,

Frozen in time, calling for others but hearing no replies.

No matter how long I live alone, I find no room for healing.

The people I know go about, adding daily to their web of lies.

The loss of a friend, the pain from today,

I’ll carry my burdens for the rest of the way.

As much as I love them, I wish I could getaway.

Just leave me alone, I’m not okay.

Through it all, I have survived,

and as time went on, my flowers have will thrived.

-Monachopsis