Lucubrations.
1. People can feel energy, see behind closed doors, and hear what has yet to be said, or may never be said. That's intuition.
2. If you view your apartment as a cubicle, you'll only ever see it as a cubicle. But some people see it as miners saw coloma, california in 1848. And when you look into a kaleidoscope, you see 1000 of the same image from different angles. So did the image change, or did your respective lens shift? And had you simply magnified your scope - saw the bigger picture - would you have struck gold?
3. 3 words are enough to turn stone hearts into flesh, the saddest eyes light up, and the worst, cruel, most vicious people turn to the road of redemption. A lot of people suffer for one of two reasons: they've heard it too much from the wrong people, or they haven't heard it enough from the right people.
4. I have a problem with idolatry. A lot of people do, but it definitely resonates with me. Y'know: we put people on a diamond pedestal, and serve them their dish on a golden platter. Then when they refuse to climb it, and start picking at the food with a disgusted look on their face, your whole world comes crashing down, and ideals start to conflict. Well.. did they ask to be put there to begin with? Did they ask for the hankerchief you gave them to wipe their mouths? Or the blanket you let drape over their bed for when it's time to go to sleep? Stop babysitting the thoughts of someone being greater than they actually are just because of what they do or who they believe they are, and you'll find more peace in yourself than pain from others in this world.
5. Uncertainty is an enemy to progress. It's the trip before the fall, the neverending ringtone that stops the second call. Only when we have faith in ourselves and conviction in what the future holds we find our reflection beneath the murky waters, undulating new life into us. And sometimes that's all it takes.
6. Obsession is when you can't wait to see that one person, can't wait to talk to them and be in their presence. It's when you cling onto something that makes them different - but it's also when you only see that difference, without the red flags or similarities. Being unable to live without that difference - the thing that made them stand out to begin with - is the conflagration after the spark. Being unable to live without their peace and protection, no matter how much you shake it off? That's not love. That's codependence.
7. Words can only be words until they aren't words. And the greatest, most respectable action someone can take is sticking to their word clean through.
8. God's real name is YHWA. Every breath you take, every step you make, your body inhales the words of God to breathe them back out to others. For some, that's enough to make any word you say impactful and powerful. For others, it soothes the hatred simmering in their hearts. There's divine intervention in a lot of things - and often times, you just have to find the right people to say the right words to at the right time.
9. Life's a dungeon, where you chase the dragons and slay everything in your path - until you find the one whose touch is so gentle & palliative, you no longer want to swing that sword any longer. But in this life those same people will give you a dose of your own medicine by stabbing you in the back instead of helping you when you're at your lowest. It's crazy.
10. A home without heart is a jungle. A home guided by hearts in division is a tundra. Subtracting family from a home sweeps the grains of familiarity away like stripping sand from the sahara. But a home multiplied by the love and affection in each heart is a home. Two hearts in summation are enough to light up the world.
She swore I drowned till I emerged to the surface
Knew life was worth it when I found my purpose
Bubbles burp out the chalk, bile and spit stains,
there's crude resentment all up in these verses
Berate the priests, eyes green with greed, tithes taken in allurance
Poverty a perchant when mindsets converge, a tribalist's insurgence
Bottle up my thoughts, can't right my wrongs with Henny at sunday service
Perception portent, imminent hatred mistaken for lives accursed
Cardigan stay navy, lieutenant of blues, relive my anguish in cursive
I know church is in service, jotting merciless spirals around my purpose
And carmine on the blouse, blood stay thicker than any pacific nation
Hollow out my mind on business - vacations,
day trading retrospect for introspection, my way of playstation -
escapin all the dismal wavelengths, penning my safe haven
race baitin' north stars with harriot heart
still chasin' abe lincolns
triad of time like seeing constellations in liminal spaces
circadian rhythm, my routine takes subliminal patience
but only triad in our hearts lives in trinity, aint it
triangle on my back like bermuda, breadcrumbs in hand like I'm a freemason
personify my words, can never die, subject to cremation
extortion taking place of exoneration - souls lost in damnation
cuz all they see is an empty throne for the taken - Jesus can't save em
pulse
people speculate about the magnitude of the multiverse, as if we don't live in one.
but we do -
your decisions are its threads, the ley lines that attach to each
set of stars in a constellation; your actions, the different possibilities and outcomes.
so destiny isn't as blind as you'd think if you chose the outcome.
Vita Brevis.
Life is short, so I want to spend it chasing memories, in memory
Lost without a voice for too long I get violent - pluck away at casualties like it's a dentistry
An orthodontist if he misalign his jaw to speak to me,
left sparks flying out the coup, we parked out at the Kennedy's
I'd hate to measure me, carbon periodically deduce the recipe
There ain't no steppin g, we go band for band, king palms and desert eags
Catch him leanin the wrong way, I'll leave him suaved, blood on the Nike sneaks
Even when ecstasy is in your destiny, feels like a fantasy,
dare I pray to God to keep these demons from eating my sanity
it's pretty clear to see, it's all on the receipts
No end to incompletion, until the death of me,
Marked up the pages, burnt the incentives for the cycle to repeat
I ain't gone stop until I see glory, dear father may I bleed
for every time I told a lie with a cold tone and heart full of deceit,
chasing memories of a truth I hope to keep.
In the pursuit of happiness, there is only the acclimations of pain and suffering, and passion periodically precedes perversion, albeit catalysts for one another. The heart of Orpheus whine and bleat to the sonic dissonance of temptation, dancing to its choreography; the soul eventually chases the echoes of their sentiments like whispers of manifestations, bringing me to turn my head to look back when all there should be is forward. In my apotheosis I finally awake - my demons in constant seek for control, deified by the societal normality of their presence. And in the end, once I turn forward once more - all I see are my hopes and dreams vanishing, & I wonder why I've lost everything I've built up to earning.
That's because it was me who chose to go down this road - they simply spoke it into existence.
It's only one of the many reasons to focus on yourself.
You truly never know how sick you've become until you've been cured. The complications behind the interludes and brumes of introspection beseech order, entwined in a sense of desire and purpose. If you can find that within yourself - great. Not many do. But when you can find that bliss and structure within another, it sets an alchemical reaction for both of you to reach for the stars, to catch each other when the other floats in the nebula of their uncertainty. You make it certain in their head that everything will be alright, and that all it takes is one step forward to be greater than the you that took the last.
maybe I am.
Stare into a mirror long enough, it won't be your reflection you stare at any longer. It'll be every aberration in your soul, like the chips and cuts lacerating the mahogany. Narcissus is within us all in semblances of marks incising an idyllic past set ablaze along the decomposing surface by the absence of a voice, only eyes to watch the flame kindle in the night, and ears to hear the mind's whistles ululate to the grievance, whereof it only exacerbates with time, and leverage. It's become easy to see the foibles beneath my exterior, my body but a weathered tabernacle, a plate of armor of which I toil on my back, but a needless burden nonetheless.
All my life I've been a glib gladiator, a heart-feigned logomachian whose hid behind the shield of his sphere of influence to create feigned connections to his own volition, stubbornly latching his gnarled fingers & unkempt nails onto the notion like pearls that all things that are valuable require reciprocation correspondent to said value, and, without it, there was no validation in growing those true friendships. There was no reason or room for change. So.. I faithfully let a lie sit there festering with the pus of malignancy.
The conjoined faces of janus harness time in assemblage, spurred by the moving of lips, the passage of the soul - one pair, as stirring as the confluence of inlets amidst a tsunami; the other, as breathtaking as the coruscations of pops and crackles as fireworks laminate the skies in tenors of extravaganza.
So why by an hour in, when the saccades in my eyes have slowed and my attention's eroded to the acclimations of my head, can't I help but smile?
Maybe I am going crazy.
3:14.
Hope lost as fathers fall short of response, silence betrays conviction.
A home in shambles, the only ensemble is holding hands in dereliction,
It takes a man to teach a man -
You can’t afford to commission commitment
And buyin' your way to interest just a hoax, you only find your passion in real admission.
Sat myself down, inclined to the truth behind my reflection -
3 Ms in repetition;
Money, Murder, Mistress -
3 Ms, in reprehension;
We think skyrocketin' our profit gone heal our conditions
But ain’t no handouts on this earth,
Only crime, time, and repentance.
Sprawled free from the webs, I rose
Metamorphosized my foes to see the greater image,
Accomplices to caustic complications,
They use drugs to fill the void as an instance.
Goodbyes provide riddance, Cerebral wrought by the storms,
Lost in the intermittent -
In their heads, they was just at the courts,
Chillin'
Smokin'
Playin' scrimmage.
But their forefathers once carried the weight of dread without jurisdiction,
Juries like presidents in the safe - unbridled reprehensive confiscation
That mean they take souls like Ronald Reagan, babies cry to the crackles of the stove - ol' momma ain't cookin bacon
Cyclical pain, they need to find a way to escape the road that caves in
But that’s a decision, and it's imperative to keep narratives written
Shit getting too vindictive - only smoke in a chest full of conviction, light the ignition
Never was one to lie for attention - stoke up the pen with oxymoronic concision
They unjustly justify to help us transcend our grounding submission
Would be the one to evince the truth - but who am I kiddin?
somnolence.
blinds fold and tongues tie, submerge the eye
conquer in silence,
neutralize what we reprieve
world runneth cold with lies, truth in truce'll get you scrutinized -
and she know I can read between the lines..
so do she think I can't see it in her eyes?
heart full of shame, she almost started cryin'
nearly started wipin tears away
real ones they hard to find
our love was supposed to take center stage
elevate to you and I
but I feel it when our hearts entwine - you've been with that other guy:
why can't I satisfy anymore?