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human heart
Drawn to you,
hopelessly.
Despite the pain given by you,
My heart
My human heart
wants nothing but you.
It hurts so much
every waking moment of the day,
every thought that courses through my brain.
Unable to reason with my own desires,
I fall into the fire.
If one day,
I can call you mine,
would it be worth all that time?
Strung
Every being has a tune fit just for them
Each note carrying the events of their life,
Stringing each emotion along.
The tune fit for my life is one of many strings.
With each pluck and pull,
The sound reverberating brings of a melancholic cold.
Each wire ambushed with the weight of my world,
Far too many cracks in the metal, and far to many frays.
Even with such flaws,
Would my song still be beautiful to you?
All bloody.
I didn't choose all that happened to me, I didn't want it.
so why do I have to suffer from others unhealed pain?
Why did they have to be bled on when it's not my fault they were cut?
Why do I have to be bloody when it's not my wound that's bleeding?
All because of you bloody monsters, I got used to the feeling of being drenched.
I've found comfort in the warm liquid. Like a motherly hug that I never got.
But now that I'm used to it, I find myself cutting others, and cutting myself just so I can be covered in blood.
To feel the warmth that I am just so addicted to, because it's all I have ever known.
Suffocating walls
Throughout life, you may find your heart behind impossible walls.
You say to yourself, "it's for my own good"
Is it?
You say this defense will protect you from how you felt all those times,
Suffering and betrayed,
Abandoned and unheard.
Sure, it may work in protecting you from a repeat.
But not in the way you wish
You see; once you take a look at the walls you built from an outside view,
You will see that same heart that you locked away to protect is suffering the same.
You didn't only trap it from the outside world,
But trapped it inside it's own pain.
Forced to relive the same feelings every day,
You must realize the walls are its poison.
There is good in this world.
Good that is deserving of your heart;
Good that will heal and fill the cracks with breathtaking gold.
Live to heal.
Live to love.
Nobody can take away your right on who to share your precious time and being with.
Just because someone took what wasn't theirs, and 'left with it' doesn't mean others will.
Take down these walls, and build a sanctuary for your heart.
Let the ones who matter in; even if it's only yourself.
Battles
Don't make someone feel bad for winning battles.
Through hardships,
Ups and downs,
It is bound to leave a mark.
When you see scars scattered on the skin of others,
Wrists, arms, or legs;
Don't ask them to cover them up for the "sake of others".
Congratulate them on their victory.
It takes a true heart to battle the war of self.
Acknowledge their strength, and learn from them.
I say again;
Don't make someone feel bad for winning battles.
The same battles you may not have won yet yourself.
Cause that is when you truly loose.
Relationships
I lay awake,
The days fade away.
I wonder how long it will take,
For me to truly connect with a friend I make.
Effort after effort,
It all leads astray.
They will never understand a mind like mine.
Stick labels on me,
Say they know me,
And make baseless accusations.
Like a poisoned prick stabbed into my skin,
The poke hurts for a moment,
But I am unaware of the poison that will spread through my body.
For years to come,
Its effects will still last.
My trust so easily broken,
I just wanted us to last.
I understand I am different,
But I am glad.
Don't you ever say you know me,
We aren't the same.
Keep my name out of your damn mouth,
You're a fool who doesn't deserve my grace.
Never real
You were always there,
With me.
You saw every shade of me,
Every side of me,
Every light inside of me.
You held me through my sorrows,
Wiped my tears,
And made me, me.
But when times come to show,
I go to tell everyone I know,
How great you are,
Who you are.
They look at me strange,
Fear and confusion on their face,
"Who?"
My blood turns cold,
My heart stops it's tune,
You were never real.
A fading dream
Close to my heart,
You once were.
Though I have to let you go,
I won't ever forget the feeling you gave.
The smile you brought to my face,
One that can't be remade,
I look at you now,
Watching that same smile fade away.
Like an old friend,
When I see you,
I look away with a bitter taste.
We will never be again,
The thought so sickening.
Nothing else is quite like our ending.