I remember the time when I halted on my way to death. Atop a building I stood, looking at the people that goes on about their businesses. No one can see me. Maybe because I am 23 floors above and no other building as high as this is around this dirty, gray, place. Wind ruffles my hospital gown like a laughter of death waiting for me to come and reunite with him.

I can imagine how the nurses and doctors below were panicking about my sudden disapperance and I’m sure that it would only take a while before they find me here. I must jump. However, as I walk towards the edge, a voice resounded: ‘Are you sure?’ It's deep voice echoing and a sudden gust of wind had caught me panicking. I looked behind me and saw the doors leading to the stairs still closed and no one else around. I walked towards the end of this misery, and the voice spoke in my ear again: ‘Why?’ His clear, deep voice echoing within my heart.

“Who’s there?” I asked in panic.

‘Aren’t you going to miss that life?’ The voice asked with a hint of longingness? ‘I have seen almost all kinds of death. Each still here residing within my head. I have felt their emotions when they die and the one who kills themselves are the one that has the most desire to stay alive. So, I’m asking you: Are you sure?’ “Y-No, what?! Yes, ofcourse!”

And so, I jumped. I don’t know how or why. I never felt my feet moving towards that edge that I am still three feet away. But, I fell. Slowly, as the pavement starts to go bigger and closer, I hear the shouts from below, their fingers pointing at me, horror visible on their faces.

I cried.

All my life passed in my mind. How my mother held my hand when I cried at school, how my father carries me on his back when we go to parks, how I held that graduation diploma with a medal hanging on my chest, my parents so proud that their faces can’t contain the tears and their smiles, and how I promised to their grave that I would be better after they died out of a car accident. “No. I don’t want to die.” And darkness fell.

I can imagine how my blood must have splattered on the ground and how much work it will take to clean all those mess up. I can imagine how my parents would be sad that I can’t be with them there on heaven since I killed myself and thus, am destined to be in hell.

‘As I thought.’ The voice resounded out of the deep darkness and I snapped my eyes open. My tears streaming down my face and I can hear the footsteps coming from the stairs towards me.

“Who are you?” I asked with my mind in a mess and is only able to utter those three words when I know I should have said two more: thank you.

‘A person that longs for the life I have lost.’ Is his last words.

The door snapped open and everyone stopped midway and carefully talked me away of the edge. Atleast, that’s what they planned to do, but I ran and hugged a person among those lot that I haven’t seen for five months since I’ve been admitted to this mental hospital: my husband.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” My words keep repeating itself as I sobbed my pain and my consciousness slowly getting back to me.

#prosechallenge #februaryandmarch #redemption #death #grimreaper #life

-V

Challenge

RIP: Return if Possible (Poetry only)

Poems only and tag me @Famewriter

LVMijares in Poetry & Free Verse

with prizes

anger took our consciousness

it became dark and gloomy

forgot all our memories

red covered all

one stopped

and one remained

no remorse

and no evidence

i will not confess

the child got better

had food and shelter

from the day you’re erased

all of this were the prizes

the cause and the effect

and the mean was your death

i, i apologize

if i just know that you have plans

if i just know that you truly cared

maybe, i wouldn’t have done it

i want to return in time

reverse, and have remorse

i wish to your grave everynight:

return if possible

#freeverse #confession #crime #guilt #R.I.P. #Poetry&FreeVerse

LVMijares

The Allegories

The Gubern’s Ship

Once there was a sailor, a woman, sailing the seas with her boat alongside the men’s ships. Every men and women of every ship dreams to set foot upon the captain’s quarters and call it their own. Unlike all of them, the woman has no such thought for she was the captain of her boat. Nonetheless, what she has is still a boat and every shipmen and every shipwomen laughed at her. “Look at the poor girl!” they say, “She has no ship and a crew. A woman trying to steal the men’s ship’s glory using an old and shabby boat!” and all laughed at her ‘incompetence’. “Hey!” a man yelled, a captain with his blue overcoat and white beard overlooked at her with his deep blue eyes. “Tell me! Where have you got the courage and sail with the mightiest captains of the seas?” the captain asked. “Benighted!” some of the men said and laughed. Disregarding such comments, the captain continued, “I have not seen anyone, especially a woman that has such ignorance to even dream of captaining her own ship. If your shabby boat may even be considered a ship!” and all those who can hear laughed while those who can’t laughed along.

The woman with her deep brown eyes looked at those men and women sailing using the ships with different heights, with their own captains, and their own crews. All have dreamt of being a captain and so, the captain must be cunning to earn the crew’s trust and be merciless to defend the title he has. “All...” she says while she think no one listens, “All were blinded by the heights and forgot about the sea beneath them.” However, she was wrong. There is someone that heard her words: the captain of the biggest ship, a ship that has an indestructible force and owned the title as one of the pillars of sailing, the Gubern’s ship. The ship was one of the oldest and earliest sailors of the seas who, as for today, the only one that knows the true reason of sailing: ‘to understand the sea’. Upon hearing the woman’s words, everyone on the ship was baffled. “How did she know the information only the Gubern’s ship’s crew knows?” and along with this thought is the suspicion that someone betrayed the rule of the Gubern’s ship: ‘Not to tell, not a word, about the knowledge only the ship holds’. Every men and every women on the Gubern’s ship looked at the captain and the captain declares: “Sink the woman’s ship.” And while all the other men were still laughing, a cannon’s shot resounded and planks and woods scattered which led everyone to silence. The woman’s boat is destroyed by the cannon of the greatest force, the Gubern’s Ship.

There was no sign of the woman who sails with the now broken boat and everyone left with fear and doubts in their hearts. “Why did the greatest ship destroyed a mere boat? Why did they have such interest to sink a boat? What does the boat holds?” All this were asked by many but no one dared say out loud. “They are still the mightiest force. If they have the capacity to mercilessly kill a boat with no defenses, certainly they will have no second thoughts about ruining those who has force.”

All those ships above the water continued sailing while the woman of the boat sink at the deepest sea. Slowly and consistently she sunk. She saw the world above her, and now she sees the world around her, full of life and competition, still. She continued sinking and reached the twilight zone, she now can’t see anything around her however, she can still feel the changing currents made by creatures living in the deep sea; current changes which, as she sink, grows larger and larger indicating that the deeper she goes, the mightiest the creature. Some time passed and she hit the bottommost of the sea. Her eyes now can see the world around and above. Nothing to be seen below on the ground and so she can focus about the life around and above her. She saw that the mightiest were on the deepest waters and on the topmost are the weakest. From the bottom, one can see all those happening above without wondering what’s beneath while those above keeps trying to gain more height, to reach higher, that they ruin those around them and forgot those below.

When she understood, few men and women came to her, walking at the bottom of sea. “Now,” they say “it’s good that there’s still someone who holds the knowledge. However, we can’t pass it to them can’t we?” they continued while looking above. And the woman said. “I’m afraid not.”

-L.V. Mijares

(06-02-18)

#Part1 #Philosophy #Reality