Upon the grass.
My feet crunch under leaves and atop green, dewy grass. I take my seat next to my friend, they aren’t one for talking especially not when tired like now, but I enjoy company.
I grunt slightly leaning against the leafless tree to a sitting position, a smell of dirt and freshly cut grass fills my nose while cold air pierces my skin.
“October 10th huh?” I ask, I know they are to tired to respond, but I decided to talk anyways.
“It’s here much faster then I thought” I pluck a singular small flower stray from the ground pinching it between my fingers.
“I’ve been thinking” I crush it between my fingers reaching into my grey bag and grabbing a small box with both our favorite candy.
“I wanna go with you” I don’t dare turn my head and I don’t dare hope for a response, yet I still sit in silence for dozens of seconds pointing my eyes at the ground.
“I know you disagree with me”
I place a small piece of candy near my friend and putting one in my mouth filling it with gooey sweetness that disappeared down my throat quickly leaving only the aftertaste.
“But things are so hard lately, my job fucking sucks” I’ve always tried to be positive, but I couldn’t help but feel the persona corrode away into raw emotion.
“My family fucking sucks, this town fucking sucks, I don’t wanna stay” warm tears fill my eyes and start to roll softly down my cheeks, there is no comforting arm around my should only the cold biting air and light mist starting to rain down.
“I can’t stay” memories replay in my mind quickly and painfully, memories of family who; even when they try their best they mess things up.
Memories of this shitty, small town that I wanted to abandon for my dreams for years no matter who it hurt, I certainly didn’t consider my parents, selfish that may be.
At this point, words can’t choke out. Despite the cold air my whole body is warm while I choke out sobs and tears drip off my chin and I tuck my chin into the balled up body.
Minutes that pass feel like hours, but when I can finally manage to speak it felt like it ended as quickly as it started.
“I’m gonna join you, only a few more days” I leave a rose on the floor lifting myself up using the grave of my friend to lift my weak body up, one last time I look at the name I loved so dearly written along the gravestone along with a short, sixteen year period between the beginning and end.
On the grave is my friends information that I memorized long before he died with no quote, not even one from his many poems he loved so dear.
October tenth, the one year anniversary.
As I stand staring much longer then I Intend to I can’t help but mutter.
“Only a few more days my friend”
On the beach.
The night stars and glowing moon light the beach.
The tiny grains of sand squish under my feet.
The ice cold water rushes forward.
Salty foam licks at my ankles.
Sometimes softly sometimes rough threatening my balance.
The air is salty, and coldly refreshing with every deep breath.
No sound except the waves crashing over and over.
And the sound of my heartbeat thumping.
If I swim long enough I will disappear.
Like I never existed to begin with.
So I stand shoulder deep in the dark water.
And my eyes close, stopping the moonlight from entering.
Nothing more do I desire.
Then to have never been.