My madness is like a delusion

one where my brain is a starved rock

and I am the intrusion

It's as if my sanity has been put on lock

and my thoughts won't stop

it's blood orange sunshine and purple cows

it's lizards dancing on the table top

I'm going somewhere of that I'm sure

Like an angel falls from heaven

It's a descent into madness that I must endure

Always, you will be my child.

Even when you grow bigger than me,

And I have to look up to see your face,

Even when you have studied more,

And have to teach me the way,

Even when you are a father,

And memories of me fade,

You will still be my child.

Always, I will look back,

And wish I had done more.

More playing with you,

More listening to your feelings,

More sharing stories,

More moments with you, 

And not just near you.

Always, I will be loving you.

Even when you are mean,

And make me sad,

Even when you make bad choices,

And I am mad,

Even when I am long gone,

I will be, where ever I will be,

Loving you.

Always, I will be your parent.

When you need advice, but refuse to ask,

You will find my words in your thoughts.

When you make a mistake, and want to keep secrets,

I will see the truth in your eyes.

When you feel pain and sadness,

I will carry that burden with you,

I will give you my strength, and happily become weak,

To keep you from heartache.

Always, you will be my best,

The best thing I have ever done,

The best love I will ever know,

The best soul I have ever touched.

Always, I will be, where ever I will be,

Loving you,

Mom

Today

I do not want to create

I do not crave ink on my fingertips

Or clay beneath my palms

I crave

The pain of squeezing broken glass

Shards that splinter on the floor

That shine a ruby red

I want

Knuckles split and clenched

Teeth bared and sharp

A scream beneath my ribs

I need

To rend the world apart at the seams

To feel my muscles ache

As coarse fabric gives way beneath my fury

But

I know my rage abates

Dies like a glass knife

Dropped and never caught

So

I’ll make it a slave while it lives

Put it to paper

And demand it makes something of

Worth

At the end of breathing in

Just before the exhale,

Exists a tiny place-

A tiny place and time.

The time is peaceful.

The place is calm.

Hold upon that breath

And prolong the time,

Nurture the place.

Too soon I must return,

But can't wait for the end

Of another breath.

"Assets, loopholes and write-offs," I quiver,

when Mistress Accountant demands my attention.

"Big bottom lines, a charitable giver,"

I say with abandon, to heighten the tension.

She replies, tempting, sultry and dirty,

"On your knees, boy, and kiss my 1040."

The dozer's silent, the skies are grey

The darting birds stake their claim

Hopping from stone to hardened clay

Playing the ancient hunger game. 

Oh, the darting birds stake their claim

To a land scarred by oil stains

That continues to call my name

And whispers, the shame, the shame. 

But the land that is scarred by stains

Is the land of my father all the same

Even though his memory shouts 

Please, not in my name, my name. 

i have

a riverside heart.

all it ever does is

overflow.

i have

a five a.m. mind.

all it ever hears is

silence.

i have

a trailer-park soul.

all it's ever known is

home.

i have

a postcard mouth.

all it ever says is

i wish

you were here.

A sweet loss of innocence

when I look at you

Kit Kat

chocolate thick

drip upon

my slip

silk stain

bit lip

ready to

unzip

hard candy

lollipop

sugar cane

pop rock

burst thick

quick fix

suck upon

a twix

lemon drop

hard blow

bubblegum

wipe chin

sneaky grin

swallow and

then savor

taste of sin.