Funny how we write in our highs and our lows.

Emotions like a brow twitch away,

a wry twisted smirk or shrivel of lips curled til' teeth laid bare.

I feel like a dog in a kennel.

Kenneled for my own good.

By my own hand.

To keep them all out.

I remember now.

Why I like the country of the isolated.

People are blatantly cruel.

And the few that are,

Are hidden by the ones looking to pick out people

Like they might pick out a kill.

Gaping whale people,

baleen teeth to catch us all.

Damned, damned in their blackened hands.

It's the fall.

Fall of the love of being good.

Christianity is the new virtue.

Sanity is the expense of the pennies.

Monetary in gain,

but pain is afflicted freely.

By people looking to eat those when they're hungry.

Entertainment at its finest I guess.

Assholes a plenty.

I sit there, scribbling in blue.

Drawing tones in my mind before the colors get their hue.

And dabs of alcohol ink hit paper, and I work hard, fingers pressing down until ink bleeds more than it ought to.

I should be crying, but my body won't allow me to.

Fuck. I hurt.

Being vulnerable sucks and I want to shut them all out. I'm not anyone's fucking trophy, but I guess we can't help our humanity.

Can't help the advantage taking, and the 'spending' spree of my sanity at my expanse.

Brows knitted tight, it's like he's got this irritation he won't spill. Guess I'm not different? Right? -scoffs-

Like he's hurt or something. I guess I'm guessing. Fuck. What's real?

Memories hurt, like I'm a wreck all over again.

Whatever. I'm frustrated, sitting here. Spinning my wheels how to make it work. I'm the collateral frame for this house of sticks, building people bridges over my back when they keep adding more wood to stretch farther and farther.

God damn, I'm blowing out, like a fucking fifty-mile tire, spent on someone's wheel longer than a jump to the tire station.

I'm a fucking shill. Hahaha.

How cruel.

I think I found my old resentment for myself. Opening my book of wounds.

Coloring her in, I found my old self and she's wounded still. Hell, I'm wounded. Let's hug each other, comfort each other in our empty tears. Because it's just me, myself and I. And heaven forbid I express a little resentment here and there.

Fuck my feelings, right? God, someone tell me this isn't real.

That people aren't this cruel to strangers. I hate it. I hate it all.

When will I stop being so god damned guarded from people in this world?

Why are strangers so hell bent on breaking me for their own fucking egotistically appeal?

One. Last. Time.

I'll bite my tongue.

I am not going to cry in front of someone who I love. I am not going to breathe out shaky ass breaths, when my fingers tingle numb.

Respect. Respect is not something you give in retrospect. It's there. It's not like trust that comes and goes with actions that sometimes leave scarred people wondering. It's a cultivated harvest that blossoms all the wonderful things that continue us on into the beyond. It is the point in which gold wheat is churned in mills to enter homes, bake fresh breads and fill the tummies of young into fine men and women.

I have alternated between the past times of beginnings, fought back ill desires and ill-wills to temper my brain. No. I am no more better than the other. I am average, and he is no better. We are only what we make of ourselves, and hurt words do us no better. It is only when we sit upon them to tend to the wilt that they cause that things begin to get better. Get better in the sense that I ache no more, and maybe, so won't he.

There is no space for Christianity. Orthodox. Mormon. It all tastes the same.

Bloody religion will never keep my name.

So one. last fucking time. I'll bite my tongue. I love all my family, regardless of what they believe in because what matters, what matters is that I love them. And we can overcome all differences. Sister and pastorhood. Uncle of fatherhood. None of it gives me shame. It only shames me when I get shunned for not doing the same. Not following, not submitting. Such a disgusting concept. I will never submit to anyone. No one. I'm not going to come undone, lay myself bare in someone's lap to fold up as they please.

Religion has no home in me, and I will take that to the grave.

A workplace.

A studio. Pop a stain of oaks, dark or just mundane brown.

Cherry wood too much, but not quite blacked down.

I think they would be thick, shelves about nearly an inch thick, with matching dividers to quarter the books apart.

One corner laid bare, open and ready to ensnare me in the latest project. A mendable mat of white and black. And a lazy Suzanne cup to the right, pushed to the far back against a decked windowsill that protrudes two inches and a quarter over said desk. Rows of drawers down to the left, beneath a thick slab of wood, no less than three inches thick. Adorned in handles of bronzed alloys, antiqued and filigree with a marble topper centered across the center mass of the round knob. I'd store little sharp tools, teeth, fangs, and claws, all things dead, and things cold and unliving there.

And to the right of said desk, a squared jig would lay, fill of rolled leathers, and under it would be, a drawer or two of metal and steel, metal cutters for my 5-ton press to the more right, sitting on a large work bench covered in all manner of things. Splitters, skivers, edgers, and some electric machines walled off to their right. A 3D printer, smaller, and a larger. A resin printer encased above them, working or not working diligently. It doesn't matter.

The lighting would be warm, not cool, with a burn yellow, almost orange hue. And the room would stretch on, rectangular, and fitting a door. I could continue on past it, back around full circle to the desk to the left of the book shelves, and a little podium would stand in the center of it all, with the most important books of all. Bright, faded nearly pastel blue engineering books in white letters, mold making too alongside burnt maroon nearly umber welding and brazing books with gold lettering. Another face stacked to the brim with electrical, home and small units, singular devices that execute codes. And so on, and so forth, all things far from ergonomic. An inventor space, darkly lit with brushed fern-muted walls, and a wood flooring covered in carpet to settle my cold withdrawals.

A quiet space. A space that only misses a bed. I don't think I'd ever step out of my tiny little shed. A room in a shop. A room in a house. It's warm, dark, and cozy, and I have no plans to yell or shout. I don't need anyone, no one. Not really. I can write, I can draw, and press keys on my backlit keyboard without feelings scrutinized, or small. No one there to feel like they need to stand tall. Tall over me, angry, and mean. Feeling like I'm threatening their space, when I just need. Peace and quiet, a place to recover from the whirl of it all. My tiny little space, maybe a bit decrepit and small.

So if you ever ask, where my perfect space lies. In a shop. In the woods. In the dark with no other eyes. I'm a solitary creature. I need a lot, but it's worth every bit of thing I produce whether it has a value or gives birth to all wonders of conversations and knitpicks or shames.

I write. I create. I just don't want to be named.

My hands are not unskilled.

Laborous, light, and fingers uncurled.

I can bring in the work of a needle, a cut of thread too, but not with ten dollars. No, that won't do.

I could portion out my hands, free of charge. But the glue is the demand.

More than I can fork over, but less than I can obtain. I'm sure I can bargain our way from the ten to more per say.

Stop a person in public. Post online. My phone is already paid. I have shed most dimes. I can ask for an exchange, purge a garage of a little unused shame.

Nickle and toil. Gather and clutch, fill holes with steel stick, and a bit of saw dust.

They'll last him a minute. A heavier shoe.

I won't have my son walk on bare 'human' Earth, I can go hungry for a few.

Stall.

I think I would like to believe that I'm stalling, waiting out the unfortunate inevitable.

There is no such thing as the truest of loves. Purely engrained in a sense that all other differences that might be set aside. It's more of a cohabitation of sorts.

A place in which the minds are wrung, wrought out of all significant distastes for the better charms to enhance the prospect of living the longevity of life together.

Still.

There is some perverse ache in which the soul might yearn for the connection to remain stable, ever true, like the everlasting kiss in which might spell the end of a novel. Instead, it's more like the ways roots twist and gnarl, interconnecting between neighboring trees that set root adjacent or parallel to one another.

Conquer.

All odds. In a fellowship, rings might be exchanged and then, perchance, blossom of buds, with roots stronger than the range of bushes and vines that creep across. But it is not all that grows. Things of the nature, thorny, bearing dark fruit that tastes sweet when salted by the nutrients of Earth, but sour and bitter like the lack of proper ingredients in which they suck from. They might turn more lush green forests dark, break apart roots and entangle and ensnare what was once a piece of art.

Hail.

Shield up hands in the way that stones might strike like acrylic pastels of grays and hard slate blues cross dull skies of gray. A stoning in short. Painful clods of agony smacking down from within. Your heart. My heart. My soul. Passion, motivation, and all things old. I don't think I have it in me to unfold for another, blossom, renew, and die together. If he shall wither away, so shall I. Even if I'm the first one to uproot and die.

I like to think that sometimes I'm a bit more free from the feeling of being besides myself in this world. There's people who understand me and those that don't, and I try to remark on the more beautiful things in the world rather than let the things that hurt me haunt me, but I can't always make my mind work the way it wants to conceptualize life.

I suppose that's why I love fantasy so much. Why I love the breath of what will never quite be, but toil with it wanting it to match me in my ups and downs so I feel like we understand each other, but I can't quite enable myself to believe that's beautiful to see the pain in living in my creations, but I'll draw the expressions for it. Love them for not being it. But hate it all the same.

“You look like you're doing amateur hour at the bar,” Mik said nonchalantly. The guy was laid back against my bed, tossing a hand-sized rubber ball up against my ceiling as I typed on my computer.

“Thanks, I… think?” I told him, pausing for a second to stare at my screen before I continued on.

“Aren't you curious why?” he asked.

I stopped, closing my eyes before I pulled the blue light reflective lenses from my face to set them on the desk. I contemplated folding them up, but decided against it. “Willow, right?”

“Perceptive.” Topher snorted as he stared at his phone.

I sighed heavily. It had been a little over a week now since I met her. Willow and I hung out from time to time, but it was rarely more than a brief chat and maybe a bite. It was becoming a lot more standard for me and I could feel myself slipping into the comfort of it. “If I choose to have a relationship or not with her, it’s none of either of your businesses.”

“Weird plural.”

“Mik,” I growled.

He stopped throwing the ball at my ceiling and looked over at me. “What?” he scoffed, laughing under his breath.

“Fucking dick,” I grumbled low under my breath.

“There goes that foul mouth of yours again,” Topher notated. “I'm going to go on a limb and say that's a take from your mom.”

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at the two of them before pushing back from my seat. “Alright. You know what? I'm done.”

“Finally!” Mik breathed, sitting up.

“Yeah, well… I'm sick of you picking at me. You guys want to go out to the arcade?”

Topher raised a brow at me, his arms crossed. “Are you inviting your lady friend?”

“No.”

“Aw, come on, don't be such a poor sport.” he shrugged, smiling. “I was just asking.”

I took in a deep breath and stood up, walking to my closet to grab out a fresh shirt. I started to pull at the color of my button up one. “Get out of my room for a minute. I'm changing.”

“Whatever you say princess,” Topher sighed, a smile edging his features as I shot him a dirty look.

Mik beamed at me with equal regard. “Just don't take forever.”

When the door shut, my shoulders dropped. I tugged off the black and white plaid button up, pushing the stiff collar back into place before folding it up neatly over my arm in a single fold before putting it on my hamper. “You guys can be real annoying sometimes,” I rumbled, but it really was a give and take. The twins were immature around me, but only because they knew how serious I would be otherwise and shy and reserved if they didn't prod. I knew it. We all knew it and it had its perks. It just didn't always hit right when I was mentally elsewhere.

I threw on a gray v neck and turned to yank open my door and step out, finding the twins talking with my mother.

“Oh, speaking of which. There he is.” Topher commented.

I locked eyes with the man before glancing down. “Are we going or what?”

“Are you really planning to go out when you seem like you're being forced?” my mom asked. “You could tell the twins no.”

“It's fine.” I told her as I picked up my phone off the charger from the kitchen island. I didn't look at her. I couldn't. Not after last night's news. After a moment of pause, I felt like I had a lot more eyes on me than moments ago, and I glanced up. My stomach twisted.

I stared at my dad, and he stared back. His arms were crossed, a questioning look on his face.

Paling, I tried to muster some strength in my voice before I smiled at him. “What?” I asked my father. Was he going to bring up last night’s talk? That the tentative deal to keep my grandmother out of my hair was on the stipulation that my mother managed to keep me out of trouble, and out of other familial hands. Which wasn’t that bad, considering I already didn’t relate and talk with most of the people in our society anyway, but there was a curious, unsaid idea in the older vampire’s eyes that made me wonder if there was more she might have said to me. It was like she was watching me or something.

But it was what my parents said to me after that had me putting a little distance between Willow and myself. My grandmother wanted something from me, and though my parents told me not to worry about it, and just to not get too close to her, I was starting to think something bad might happen to her. “Why are you guys all looking at me like that?”

Dean shook his head at him. “I didn’t say anything.”

I glanced at my mother, and she shrugged gently at me. “We already spoke yesterday. I don’t think you need a reminder, J.”

I nodded. “Well– me and the twins are heading out.” I scraped past everyone for the front door. “Come on, guys.”

Mik made an exaggerated frown and stepped forward. “Sure, I guess.”

I didn’t hear Topher, but I assumed he was coming in behind his brother, and we all filed out the front door. When I stepped outside, I went down towards the car.

“Hey J,” Topher said. “Do you… have anything you want to get off your chest before you go?”

I hesitated. I wanted to tell them I was a little weirded out by the discussion from yesterday, but I really didn’t want to talk about it. “No.” I said, going to grab the back door on the passenger side and slip into Topher’s car.

~

I would have thought we were all going to the arcade, but we ended up at Willow’s. “What are you guys doing?

“I wanted to invite Willow out,” Mik said. “And Topher agreed with me. We were serious.”

“You can't dodge her forever if you expect anything between you too,” Topher said, eyeing me from the rearview mirror.

“I told you both to quit meddling with my relationship with her,” I told them, growling low under my breath roughly.

“So you do want a relationship with her,” Mik said, his voice rising with a bit of glee.

“No. That’s not what I meant.” I told him sharply. “Quit trying to pick at me, Mik. I’m serious. I don’t want to bring her out right now.”

“You’re acting hella paranoid, as if we’re going to do something to her, or something the other,” Mik answered.

“Either she comes out with us, or you tell her that things are over,” Topher said, shoving the car in park.

“What the fuck kind of proposition is that?” I asked. “You can’t tell me what to do.” I shot at him.

“It's the position you're in. You knew the danger when you started this. It's either too much and you cut her loose, or you grow a pair and invite her out.”

I sank back into the back seat, feeling a little put off by that. Well– more than a little. “I can think for myself. I don't need your help.”

“Leaving her at home isn't going to protect her, either. We're not going to hurt her.” Mik said.

“I didn't say you were!”

“Then what's the hold up?” Topher continued.

“She…” I blew out a shaky breath. “I just saw the way my great grandmother Amelia was looking at me,” I told them. “I got a really bad feeling after that.”

Topher snorted. “And you think leaving Willow alone is going to prevent anything from happening to her?”

I scowled at him. I wasn't sure what it would do.

“At least around us she's protected.”

“She might be, but it also draws a lot of attention to her.” I told Topher. “The last thing I want to do is put a target on her back, alright?” I shook my head at him before turning to go to the door, opening it. “It's bullshit that you're even trying to force my hand right now. I barely even had time to make a choice, let alone think about it.”

“Then end it. What's bullshit is how indecisive you're being,” Topher quipped back.

“Alright! I hear you!” I snapped. I shut the door, closing my eyes. I tried to calm my nerves before I stepped up the driveway and up to her door. Raising a fist, I almost knocked hard, and my hand tightened into a fist before I turned my fist and knocked against the door with the back of my knuckles.

“Hold on!” Willow called from the other side of the door. There was a scuffle and then the sound of the door unlocking before she pulled it open. Her short black hair was pulled into two small pigtails behind her ears, a few locks having come free to frame her face. Her brown eyes lit up as she smiled at me. “Hey. I didn't know you were stopping by.”

“Sorry, it's very last minute.” I pulled my hand to the back of my head. “Do you want to go to the arcade with us?”

“Us? The twins are here too?” She got on her toes to peek around me and I got a better look at what she was wearing. Black flowing pants and a long sleeve shirt that exposed her stomach.

I quickly looked up to her face, fighting the heat on my cheeks as I pretended to look the other way.

“Um. Sure. Let me grab my jacket.” she told me.

“Sure,” I breathed. I leaned back away from the door.

She nodded, closing the door briefly before opening it again as she slid her arms through her thick black jacket. She grabbed her keys from a hook next to the door and locked it as she stepped out, closing the door behind her.

I stepped back, watching her. “Do you need to be back by a certain time or anything?” I asked quietly.

“I don’t have class tomorrow so, no. Plus I’m ahead on everything so I should be good.”

I started to follow after her, my stomach wadding up like a brown paper bag. “Uh— you weren't going out or anything, were you?” I followed her down the walkway.

She looked back at me. “No,” she said, her tone and the look on her face questioning me.

I shook my head at her, feeling a little less obtrusive as I caught up to her to open the passenger rear door. “I just wanted to make sure I wasn't putting you out or anything. You seemed pretty set and ready to go. I wasn't expecting that.”

“I hadn’t planned on going anywhere,” she said as she got into the car, scooting further in so I didn’t have to go around.

I dipped my head down and climbed in to sit next to her, closing the door before sitting quietly. So she didn’t have plans? I glanced over at her again, taking in her appearance. She was… I swallowed, definitely cute. I looked down and then tried to collect my thoughts.

“Long time no see,” Topher said from the front seat. He glanced back at Willow and flashed his canines. “Hope we didn’t trouble you much coming out of the blue.”

Mik turned to look back at her too, smiling. “Heyya,” he grinned.

She smiled at them. “It’s no trouble. I wasn’t really doing much anyway.”

I sat back, watching the twins who seemed to be content with not pushing me now that she was in the car.

“We were planning to head to the arcade tonight,” Mik told her. “But there’s also a new place in town that just opened up. It’s a small restaurant and it has a spot that overlooks the ocean.”

I paused, my gaze slowly sliding up to look at Mik as Topher seemed to focus on driving, putting the car in reverse.

“The restaurant is called Daisy’s,” he told her.

“When did you plan on telling me about this?” I asked.

Mik shrugged. “I just remembered it. Thought it’d be a nice change considering we’ve drug her to our places. We have a little sister, so it’s a give and take. You gotta know how to do all of that.”

Willow looked at me and I could tell she understood the situation. Her lips quirked into a smirk. “If Daisy’s isn't a coffee shop… it'd still be considered your places.”

“It has coffee,” Mik shrugged.

I scoffed, shaking my head at him. When I glanced over at her, I smiled a little.

“Right,” she said with a roll of her eyes, but she still smiled. Clearly she knew this was a set up and didn't seem to mind.

“We can… check it out, if you want,” I told her, leaning against the door to the right as I looked up at her.

Willow's smile widened a little as she looked at me. “Okay.”

I breathed out a low laugh, lifting my hand to rub at the back of my neck. “Sounds like a plan,” I whispered.

“Glad we all agree,” Topher told us. Glancing out the window, I watched the neighborhood fly by us. I smiled a little, wondering if things really would be okay. I still wanted to make sure I was being careful, and taking last night into consideration, but it was sort of distracting trying to think about all of that when Willow was so close next to me. I leaned forward, adjusting in my seat. “How’s your week been?” I asked. I hadn’t seen her since Sunday night.

“Monotonous,” she sighed. “Another month and I'll be free.”

“Monotonous?” I asked, almost fumbling the word. A slow smile crept up over my lips as I leaned down, positioning myself to sit closer to her so we could talk quietly as one of the twins turned up the radio. “Free from what? Your degree or just free for the rest of the season until the next batches of classes start again?” I asked. I’d never been to college, so I only had a vague idea how it all worked, but… from my tours and the way things were explained, it didn’t sound too… complicated, maybe a little redundant in some ways, but I was certain I could figure it out if I ever decided to go.

“I'll have my degree. I graduate next month and then I won't have anymore classes,” she smiled triumphantly. “Well… unless I go for my masters. I think I'm done with school though. At least for a while.”

I snorted, smiling at her. “Congrats.” My eyes fell to the floorboard as I thought for a moment before an idea occurred to me. “Is… your graduation indoors?” I asked. “I mean… or is it during the day or night?”

Willow's eyebrows rose and she grinned. “You want to go?”

“Um… Why wouldn’t I want to?” I asked, my smile slowly forming into a grin. “It’s your graduation.”

She looked down, a touch of color to her cheeks. “I don't know. It's loud, crowded and honestly just pomp and circumstance.”

I rolled my eyes. “So— I take it you wouldn’t want me to see you get awarded your degree then?” I teased. I shrugged my shoulders, shifting to put my right elbow on my knee. “I can take a hint.”

“I- didn't say that,” she said and I noticed her blush even more.

My smile returned. I couldn’t help it. She was being cute. “So I’m invited?” I joked, laughing a little. “Or… Maybe I should phrase it better.” I pressed my lips together, licking them as I took in a tight breath. “Can I see you-” I paused for a breath, “graduate?”

I watched her smile shyly before she nodded. “Yeah. I'll give you an invitation. I think you'll need it to get in.”

“Sounds fancy,” I breathed, my brows rising. I heard Mik snicker in front of me and I elbowed the back of his seat hard. “Well, I’ll look forward to that invite.” I whispered to her before glancing up to see us pulling up to the arcade. Straightening up, I leaned forward between the two seats to look at the place. “It’s packed today. Holy crap.”

Mik rolled his eyes next to me. “Nice save,” he whispered.

“Shut up.” I quipped, snorting as I smiled at him. “You guys were picking on me first.” I felt confidence in myself. It was a lot different than before we picked her up. I didn’t want to give her any indication to think that the twins were giving me hell, because it wasn’t them that were weighing so heavily on the back of my mind. It was… her. Everything around Willow and everything to do with her and I was starting to draw attention, and I was thinking about my mentor’s words to me.

I hadn’t seen Florence for a few days either, and I wanted to ask her about the things my parents seemed intent on somewhat avoiding talking to me about. They’d said a lot, but they still could have said more. Maybe she’d answer for that.

The moment Topher put the car in park, I opened the center console to grab the spare tracker. My other hand promptly yanked the charging cable off of it before I leaned back in the seat and held it out to Willow. “Put this in your pocket,” I told her. “It’s a tracker, and it’ll help us find you just in case someone gets any stupid ideas.”

Willow took it, giving it a look over. “O-kay.” She opened her jacket to slip it into the pocket of her pants.

“Not saying anything is gonna happen. Just better safe,” Topher said before opening his door to get out.

I gave her a mild smile. “Exactly.” I turned to open my door, stepping out to grab hold of the top of the frame, leaving it open for her. I waited for her to start to get out, only glancing up at the doors of the arcade to see some people lingering out front even, and I felt like maybe things were going to be noisy tonight. I mean, it wasn’t going to make it cramped because more people were showing up. It was a sizable location, with probably a little over fifty-thousand square feet. My nerves rattled me a little bit. It was… a big place. Getting lost could be easy, with the right crowd.

“Hurry up you two!” Mik told us, shutting his door quickly as I flinched, and turned to see Willow emerge from the car. I heard Mik’s footsteps trail off further from us and forced a smile at her.

“Guess he’s been housebound for a bit,” I joked lamely.

She chuckled. “I know the feeling.” She stepped out of the way so I could close the door.

I smiled at that, pushing the door shut as I bumped her shoulder gently. “What do you want to hit first?”

“Well there is always a chance we can make money beating the twins at air hockey,” she smiled.

“I doubt they’re going to want to fork over any cash,” I snorted. Topher could definitely get really competitive when he wanted to. I glanced back at her and held out my hand. “I have a few ideas. Come on.”

Her warm hand slid into mine and I gave a light squeeze before leading her inside. The moment we stepped inside, the twins split off for the bar. I pulled her along in the opposite direction, ducking and pushing past a few vampires talking as the smell of blood hit me.

Their drinks didn’t entice me like they had last week, in fact… The smell of blood along with being around Willow had sort of… dampened to the point it wasn’t a forethought in my mind anymore. It was nice. I felt like I had a lot more clarity, better than before last week when I had just started to transition.

I squinted, eying the machine ahead of me, and then slowed to pull her up under my arm, letting her step forward up to the well-lit machine. “Go ahead and step in,” I told her as I lifted back the black curtain to show the better lit zone beyond it. Axes sat in a bucket along the floor, and wooden boards lined the walls with wire fencing between each stall.

She stepped through and chuckled. “Wow, this place has everything doesn't it?” She smiled at me. “I hope you know my aim is awful.”

I scoffed at that. “It’s not everything,” I answered, rolling my eyes at her. “But I’m sure you might think that little miss home body.” I nudged her playfully before picking up an ax. “You’ll get better when you shake off the nerves.”

She shook her head. “Sure. Coming from the person who's going to wipe the floor with me.”

I smiled sheepishly. “I’m not a fighter,” I told her as I stepped ahead of her and around the safety wall into the stall. I cocked the head of the ax back, letting my forearm nearly touch my upper arm. Taking a breath, I stepped forward and tossed it, watching it lob forward until it hit the most outer rim of the circle and cringed. “Honestly, if we were playing the twins…” I straightened up, “then they’d be wiping the floor with us.”

“Yeah yeah… they're good at everything.” she rolled her eyes.

“Not everything,” I snorted, “but anything that requires precision. I mean… Mik is a marksman or something… And they’re both– how do I put this in layman's terms… like private mercenaries, I guess.” I walked forward, plucking the ax from the wall and walked back as I watched her.

“Hitmen?” she asked as she picked up an ax.

“That too,” I breathed, laughing a little. I shook my head. “Think like… more police type, but… with a bit of the judge, jury, and executioner bit tied in.” I slid out of the stall to let her throw, but kept close just in case.

“Interesting,” she said as she stepped up to the line. She raised the ax and pulled her hand forward to practice before pulling back and quickly throwing it. The blade landed between the center and middle ring and she scoffed. “That was luck.”

My brows popped up. “And I forgot to even show you how to throw it.” I stepped back into the stall, and up next to her. “What’s say… you manage to uh, do that trick shot one more time?” I asked, turning to look down at her as I smiled sheepishly.

“I doubt I'll be able to do that again,” she said humbly. “I'm surprised if I'll even hit the board next time.” She looked down, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.

“If you land it, I’ll buy you coffee for a week,” I snorted, hoping to entice her to give it her best. It was cute the way she was motivated by a little bet here and there.

“That's it?” she chuckled. “Alright. Do we grab those, or just grab new ones every time?”

“Go ahead and grab it off the wall. You always take your ax down before you toss a new one up,” I told her before I felt a firm hand on my shoulder that made me jerk. I turned my head sharply to look back at Mik.

“Don’t you read signs?” he grinned.

I sighed heavily, relaxing. He scared the hell out of me. “I’m fine. That’s just a sign for insurance. You and I both know she’s not going to behead me or anything with that.” Not that she probably really could.

Mik grinned. “I think it’d be a grace if she did.” He patted my shoulder before nodding at me to step out, and I took one step back with him, not really minding it.

“What’s up?”

Mik flashed me a fanged grin and thumbed back at the tiny counters lining the back wall near the entrance. “Dinner,” he told me. “Well… more for her, and not you since you’re kind of defective for now.”

I scoffed, shaking my head. “Nice try, but I think I’m okay with not eating human food for now.” I glanced back at her, checking on her again. “You good?”

She had pulled the ax free and was walking back. “Mm.”

“Mik brought over something to eat if you want some. It’s tacos and wings if you want some.” I called out to her, feeling the tension in my chest rise a little from being a bit far from her. I decided to cross the distance, coming back up to the back side of the beginning of the stall to peek around the wall at her. “Do you want some?”

“Sure. One more shot. I want that free coffee,” she smiled as she came back to stand behind the line again. She smiled at me as she took aim, practicing the throw before tossing the ax. The weapon looked like it was going to hit high, but then fell slightly, hitting the bullseye.

“I’m not timing you,” I told her, smiling softly.

“Holy shit!” she gasped.

“Guess I owe you that coffee,” I breathed, crossing my arms. “Look at that.”

“I- promise you my aim isn't usually this good.”

“You can promise me all you want,” I breathed, my brows rising as I shook my head. “A deals a deal.” I got off the wall, nodding at her to come with me. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat before those two clear the table.”

She looked back at the board again and shook her head before following me. She still couldn't seem to believe it. “Are you… gonna need to eat tonight?” she asked rather quietly.

The question caught me off guard, and I stopped, hesitating before slowly resuming my walk forward. “Uh– I mean, I don’t know. I didn’t think about it.”

“Mm,” she answered as she stepped past me to the table.

What did that mean? I gave her a sort of incredulous look, though she wouldn’t have seen it since I was walking behind her, but slowly continued forward until we were up at the small table.

“What’s got you two walking all quietly? It’s like we killed the mood bringing food,” Topher told us as he set down the tray of drinks and plates. He went for his drink instantly, and half leaned, half sat on the stool behind him.

“I’m not quiet,” I told him. “I just didn’t have anything to say,” I told him.

“Right,” Mik breathed, looking away.

Willow bit her lip before reaching for a taco. “Thank you,” she said quietly.

I stared at the table for a moment, then glanced up, meeting Topher’s gaze. Something in his eyes… Something in his eyes made me shudder, like there was something wrong, but whatever expression he had on his face, it didn’t meet his stare. After a long moment of us looking at each other, he broke eye contact, which just made me feel worse. “Is it really busy out there or something?” I asked.

“Or something.” Topher answered before leaning in to pick up a taco.

“Is it bad?” I asked.

“There’s a few idiots in the crowd,” Topher told us, and I let that slide off me. Nothing horrible then, right? I tried to ease my nerves hearing this. “I wouldn’t go gallivanting around with your human unless you want to bring in any unwanted attention her way” Topher annotated. “Hopefully they’ll leave soon enough.”

I paused. Surprise hit me at those last words and I glanced at Willow. My breathing went a little tight. She should have been able to just stick with us and be fine, to just go on without a hitch, but now I was starting to second guess how ‘safe’ she’d be if she was out of my reach. Instinctively, I hugged a little closer behind her.

“I got you something to drink,” Topher said, dragging my attention back to him.

I looked up as he nodded at the tray.

“It’s higher end stuff, and it’s warm.”

I reached out, hesitant, then slowly picked up the drink to lift it to my lips. “Thanks,” I told him before taking a long drink. The taste was… better than some of the stuff I’d bought from the market recently, I had to admit. It was nothing on Willow, but it was good. Tilting my head back, I kept going, drinking more until I remembered myself and forced myself to stop. I could feel the little bit of haze around the edge of my vision and I licked my upper lip to clear the blood before setting the cup back down. “It is,” I admitted. I even started to feel a bit of a kick from the energy of it. Turning my neck to the side, I popped it and breathed in. It… was good. Definitely. “Well, I don’t think I want to force her to stick to one spot. If they don’t like it, they can try something, but Willow’s not leaving with some other asshat.” I felt my regular speech kind of slide out of me, the kind of way that I usually talked with the twins when I wasn’t nervous and more myself.

What was in that drink? I glanced at her, and for once, I really looked at her. Like, got a good look at her face. She had cute little brown eyes, ones that definitely stood out against her black hair. It suited her face, made her look… more down to Earth even, despite the way she spoke sometimes. Had it not been for me getting to know her recently, I could have been fooled by those doe eyes into believing anything she told me. I might have been stupid enough to believe it. “Besides… Willow’s tougher than that,” I told her, smiling a little more easily.

She smirked. “You think so?”

“Yeah,” I told her, lying lightly. I didn’t want to discount her potential, even if I currently had some slight doubts. I knew it was just my consciousness nagging at me due to my more recent failures. I smiled a little more carefully, my expression tightening up as I felt my hand grip my cup a little tighter. “You’re not one to just go with anyone. You don’t strike me as naive,” I told her, muttering a bit of the last part more under my breath. I tipped the cup to my lips again and choked when I felt the jab from Mik.

“Don’t insult the lady’s intelligence. That’s not a high bar.”

I tried not to spit my drink out, slowly swallowing it before I kicked at Mik and he popped away from me. “I’m not. It was a genuine remark.”

Willow chuckled. “Well I did follow you to a bar the first night we met,” she snorted, taking a bite of a taco.

I paused again, one brow lifting slowly. “Good point.” I glanced at her. “Hopefully it’s not a habit,” I breathed.

Mik scoffed at that, smiling widely as he crowded the counter to get himself something to eat. I watched him, and then glanced back at Willow. She was… safe, as long as one of us three were around. That’s what I had told myself as we all sort of sank into the comfort of things until I was blinking from a daze, hours later.

My gaze dropped to my hand. It… happened so fast. I didn’t even expect it.

Right after we finished eating, we hung in the axe throwing stalls for a while longer. It had been relatively relaxing until we decided not to hole up in there anymore and move on to another part of the arcade. Topher had suggested a shooter game, and reluctantly I followed suit until all four of us had dove into one of the newer ones against the wall a few feet from the bar. It was all going so well, and after the last round we did, I walked Willow out to the bathrooms while Topher procured a new round of drinks while Mik and I hung back.

That was… where shit went south. It was almost ironic how the moment Willow went into the bathroom, that right at that exact moment, some people came up to us to start scoping out why we were hanging so close to the stalls. I almost told the guy off, not feeling the need to explain myself, until Mik stepped in to stare two of the guys down and promptly tell them to ‘walk away’.

It should have ended there. Should. But all it did was stall for time, because by the time Willow had come out and we made our way to the bar, I had an inkling feeling that we had eyes on us. Mik was keeping an eye on them. I knew it, because he kept looking back, and after we caught up to Topher at the bar, we decided to just leave.

Topher let management know before we exited the building, though— honestly, it was more a formality than an ask for help. What were they supposed to do? Actually help?

I wish that telling them about it was more than lip service. But it couldn’t be helped.

Right after that, I remember crowding Willow as we all shuffled for the door. It kept replaying in my head. How did we get to this point? What detail did I miss? I know we were trying not to start shit before one of the guys abruptly came up behind us, trying to shoulder me. Only then, Topher cut in, promptly blocking the guy and smacking into him to make him stumble off of his feet before the second argument started.

That’s when I decided to leave with Mik while Topher handled things inside. We were about halfway to the car when two more people popped up outside the door, right out in the parking lot, and followed us to the car. My stomach was in knots. I was starting to feel helpless again.

I just… I remember getting irritated, feeling like it was just a couple of starved vamps out for an easy bite to see what Willow was capable of giving them until I saw two ruby red eyes and a ‘kid’ or at least… someone who looked like a kid leaning up against a black four door sedan in the parking lot. Just… looking at us. I remember diverting away from them, trying to go the other way until I heard them ask if ‘Caecilians always turn tail.’ That… part… bit.

I should have ignored it. Fuck! I was such an idiot for making a comment back! I mean, how would they have known I was one? My hair was brown, as typical for my public outings, but the kid wouldn’t let up. By the time Mik was opening the car door, he had managed to slip up next to Willow. I remember it. It was so quick. My hand went out to grab the little punk by the shirt as I felt one of the other guys crowd in right before my eyes met the kid’s and he uttered words to me that shook me to my core. He told me ‘hold still,’ and I felt my body go completely rigid. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I was in a full blown panic. The next thing I knew, I remember taking a sharp blow to the face, effectively knocking me on my ass. The little shrimp could pack a punch, and I was coughing, wheezing on the ground as I tried to gather back to my feet. I shouldn’t have underestimated him the moment he called me out. I should have been more mindful of what I was doing, but I didn’t! Where is she? My mind tried to grapple for what was happening.

Mik was the only one left standing, but… by the time I was looking up at him, I was seeing exactly what had everything at a stand still. A silver dagger in his side had him backed up against the car door, grabbing the handle with the other hand over his stomach. The kid was talking some nonsense to Willow, and I couldn’t register the words, but part of it slowly started to filter in.

“...you’ve got a lot of potential sticking close to a higher up like this. I’m kind of curious, what got you here,” he told her. “You wouldn’t mind answering some questions for me, right?”

Willow stilled, her dark eyes going round before she just screamed.

It caught the kid off guard. He yanked back, and in that brief moment, I jumped up as I felt a hand snatch at the collar of my shirt and slammed into him, knocking him against the side of Topher’s car. I heard him grunt under my weight, my hand balling up into a fist as I hesitated, almost about to nail this kid with my fist as I hefted him up with clenched teeth. “You got a lot of gall,” I snarled, pressing in as I lifted him off the ground.

He grabbed for my hand, his nails digging in as he choked out a gasp, the collar of his black button up choking him out.

“You want to start shit and your clothes aren’t much help.” I slammed him against the car door, hearing the air leave his lungs. “Whatever you want to ask, you ask me? Got it!”

The kid winced, kicking his feet. He didn’t seem so fucking strong now. He might have had the element of surprise, but that was nothing compared to me. I glanced back to Mik to see if he was good, but he’d already yanked the knife out and was pointing it at the men at my back, keeping them from advancing.

“Call off your goons,” I growled.

“Fuck you—” he wheezed back at me.

I rattled the kid, almost like he was a rag doll and slammed him back against the car again. “Call them off!”

I heard him wheeze a yelp from hitting Topher’s car again. I figured I must have dented the car from the way he was fighting for breath, either that, or the fabric of this shirt was going to start stretching if it didn’t start suffocating him first. “Look, either you call your goons off, or I strangle you with your own fucking shirt. Call. Them. Off.”

His eyes popped open as I tightened my grip on the shirt, fisting the collar and twisting until his eyes rolled and he waved the guys off. When he did, I slowly lowered him to the ground just enough to keep him on his toes. “You don’t touch her, got it?”

He didn’t nod.

“Do I need to choke you out again?”

The kid grit his teeth. “I’m not a child, quit talking down to me.”

“You sure look like one. I’m tempted to kick your ass if you aren’t, so maybe you should shut up unless I ask you questions that I want answers for.” I glanced back at Willow. “You good?” I asked her.

I gave her a quick once over. She had her jacket pulled tightly around her, her arms crossed around her middle. She nodded, but she looked a little frightened.

I grit my teeth, and turned to look back at him. The little twerp had her shook up. “Apologize.”

He smiled at me instead, flashing his fangs.

I pressed him harder into the car. “I guess we can find out how ‘adult’ you really are, huh?” I felt the car glass start to give under his and my weight, and he seemed to try to stand higher off his toes, though I was shoving him down into the car this time. Opening my other hand, I grabbed his jaw and squeezed. “Shine those stupid teeth back at me again, and I might be inclined to pick them out of your stupid head. Apologize.”

He winced, his smile wavering before he glanced at her. The kid choked out a garbled sorry between the press of my hands and his puckering mouth from my grip.

I let go of his face and pulled him off the car, still feeling my adrenaline going. If it weren’t for the hand-to-hand, I probably would have been toast, but unlucky for him he picked the wrong type of fight with me. I shoved him back towards his goons, letting him go. It was stupid, but I wasn’t trying to kill anyone tonight. I wasn’t Topher. “Go on.” I nodded, pulling Willow up to my chest. “Fuck off.”

The kid straightened, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He spit on the ground, glaring at me. “I got a bone to pick with you, meathead.”

My brow rose. “Great idea, picking it in a public place and with some hired idiots.”

He clenched his teeth, glowering at me. I could see the tick of irritation.

“I knew it was you the moment you walked in those doors. You might think you’re grand standing, but your family is nothing but shit.”

It sounded personal. I shrugged at him. “And I should care, why?”

He didn’t give me the satisfaction of an answer, instead, he opted to pull away the moment he noticed Topher advancing at his back. The guy had a bit of blood on his shirt, but he looked relatively untouched. The kid weaseled off to his car, and the two guys followed as I huffed out heavily, my teeth clenched.

“Dumbass.” I whispered under my breath.

Willow hugged me, her face turned into my chest. “Let's leave,” she breathed.

Instinctively, I held her a little tighter before her words registered. A part of me was wanting to look down at her, to check on her, but my eyes were glued on the two shitheads following their kid leader. When they got in their car and left, my grip eased and I turned to Mik. “Are you alright?”

“What do you mean is he alright?” Topher asked.

Mik licked his lips carefully. “Fucker knifed me,” he rasped, finally hunching over a little. He grabbed his side, wheezing. “With silver…”

“Fuck,” Topher breathed. He seemed to go to Mik quicker than he was already walking, picking up pace until he was pulling his brother over his shoulder and checking him out.

“Agh!” Mik wheezed.

“Don’t be such a baby,” he whispered to him. “Just hold it in. You were looking pretty good for a minute. Don’t wimp out on me.”

“I’m not,” Mik argued back.

I relaxed a little, hearing the twins argue. That was usually a good sign. It meant Mik was okay, especially if he had the ability to argue.

“Why’d you pull the knife out so quickly if you were going to cry about it after?” I asked, drawing the two’s attention.

Mik snorted, smiling. “Remind me to punch you for that later.”

I grinned a little, though it wasn’t much of a happy smile. “Do it.” Right as I said that, I heard the doors unlock, and I tugged Willow along to go and grab the door handle. As the twins started to come towards the car with us, I opened the back door and hugged against the car as I gently directed Willow into the car. “It’s alright,” I told her, trying to help settle her nerves.

She got into the car and scootered to the middle, leaving just enough room for me to get in as I slid in next to her, shutting the door.

“Hey,” I whispered, leaning forward to look up at her. “Willow.”

She looked at me, and I could see her eyes were slightly red, like she was fighting the urge to cry.

It hurt, seeing her that shaken up, but by human standards, this was probably the equivalent of a random mugging. I hated to say I was used to it, but… I kind of was. Taking in a deep breath, I slowly slid my hand over the top of hers. “Willow, it’s okay,” I tried to reassure her. “You’re okay.” I frowned. “I’m not going to let anyone get at you.” I was sorry for letting the kid even get that close. That would be the last time I looked the other way.

She bit her lip and nodded, looking away from me. She squeezed my hand though. “Okay,” she whispered.

That… Didn’t go as I would have hoped. I knew I fumbled my words, probably telling her that, but I didn’t want to encourage her to break down in the back of the car. When I heard the front passenger door shut, my head snapped up as I heard Mik wheeze and slump into the seat.

“Mik?”

“I’m good,” he said. I could hear the tiny tremor in his voice. “Just burns a lot.”

“Okay.” I answered. I heard the driver door open and my attention yanked to see Topher slam down in his seat. He was pissed. What a way to end the night.

I think the way the branches loom,

Gnarled, stretched out vines...

Dance and loom right in the shadow of a vine.

Their shadow scrapes across my window like a haggard man with some insane devout word on his lips.

Wild eyes, and crazy. Making me look away from him.

Reaching in, I can see him just about to snatch me and instead he whispers in.

Hand tapping thorny fingers against my window until he's in.

From his thorny hand, to his black iris, I cannot make a peep, I hear him start to say.

"Dream dream. Like thistle and leaves, I'll take away your decay.

Little blossom, Cherry blossom. You'll grow into an adult one day.

And if you give, me a soul to keep, I'll trade away the pain.

Dream. Dream. Thistle and leaves. I'll make it go away."

I close my eyes, squeeze them tight.

I'm not seeing him, but I hear, the devil in form. A penance on the desert beyond my bed.

Frozen in place, I might almost say, please give me what you can.

Instead I can't believe, my open mouth, and answer him this way.

"You cannot have what's not mine to give. I won't trade another soul for your aid.

But if you can, make me stand where I'd rather hang dead, I think we've got a deal.

Chase away, the evil- pray but I'm not looking to make a deal.

No more devils. I see enough."

I know he can't be real.

But if he is, and devil's live, I won't be selling him my soul.

Instead his offer takes a turn, one that I didn't expect.

"I'm not a devil."

I don't believe him, but I can only hold my breath.

"People call me all sorts of things. A devil. Faerie. Shadow Man and all things deft. Call me what you like, but I am offering you a heft. Hefty offers, a promise in gold. I'll carry you on my girl. To sweet adulthood and then you can smile, and the evil woman won't have hold. She can claw and grasp, take our body and muddle my mind, but I will fend her off.

I'll protect you from the evil witch so be that as it may. I'm here to carry you on away, rather than watch you go decay. I only ask you keep me here, a secret kept untold. For I am you and you are I. And I will never cease until you grow on old."

I went quiet, my mind thoughtful. And to be honest, I'll be bold.

I shook his hand and closed my eyes as he snickered from our lips.

The crazy lady. That beast. That hag.

She tried to shake me so, but the demon in me smiled prettily because that's not what she held though.

And here I am, letting my paper man go. He died on my eighteenth birthday so.

I woke up then. A screaming fit, because of all the horror that went untold.

And now I lay, lay myself down to sleep.

The shadow that once unfold.

Who wrapped a girl.

A girl like me, inside his dark embrace and stood bold.