

Windows and glass tables
The reflection in my mirror is wondering the same thing as me, on the opposite end of a decision I was afraid to make.
I want to commit an atrocity. Each time I look down into the city I reside, I see myself reflected in the mirrors, in the cityscape, wondering, contemplating commiting this quiet obscenity.
The me I am would never do such a thing, never even dream of it. The atrocity itself is one that induced many of nightmares and warrants unwanted thoughts. Thoughts that should be chased away.
When I look away, does my reflection grin? Does my reflection know the sweet satisfaction of having done it? Does the reflection of my inner psyche know what consequences have the equal reaction?
I wonder if when I put down my wine glass on this dusty glass table, is the dusty version of me looking back? Are they enjoying the same glass of Merlot? Do they hate it too?
My husband might be their husband too, or maybe they had to just pretend to match my image. Was the mirrored me also violated by the same unwanted hands? Were they loved by the same tender heart that fixed it all up when the pain of a forced situation felt it could never be mended?
Does my reflection look at me and wonder if I was raped too? Does my reflection wonder if they should get revenge like my horrible atrocious thoughts force me to think?
If my reflection had been in my situation, maybe she wouldn't feel guilty for wanting to use a corrupt system to avenge herself the way I sometimes hate to feel. Maybe she wouldn't be afraid to hit back.
My reflection looks at me and sees a coward.
She wonders if her own reflection would've been too afraid to do it. She wonders if her reflection had the strength to actually go through with it too. She knows her reflection is the worst part of her, exposes all the flaws and fears.
She knows she would've never been brave, so how could I be? The only thing the mirror image of us can do is regret that it isn't the other.
Neither of us are particularly brave, neither of us can follow through with revenge if it involves taking advantage of an unjust system. Neither of us believes there's someone else on the other side.
We are nearly identical, she's just got bangs that go to the left, while mine go to the right.
We're both the best and worst versions of ourselves, when she smiles, I smile. When she dies, I will die. When she gets justice, I'll be happy for her.
Even now as I look into the eyes that are the same color as mine, I wonder if I can even like her when I don't like her reflection.
Though it would be obvious to say myself
The consequences are never being able to see if there was consequence
My worst enemy brings honor to my life
So I cannot kill him, id miss it too much
I couldn't kill a politician without a copy paste replacement pedophile
I think I'd kill my dad
That joke of a man hurt my sister, and he did it without consequence
so fair is fair
I prefer dark chocolate and raspberry
Grief is stuck in my throat like a final meal that proclaimed itself present
And you stay in my mouth like decaying dessert too sweet to allow myself to swallow
It's gone too soon to allow myself to savor yet I'll beat myself up when it's wasted on being good for me
When it finds itself in my stomach, ripping the bile into me by tearing my content to streams of ribbon
Will it honor me for giving it the chance to have purpose, or consume me back for allowing it the chance to try?
In a tide of starlight
If I could have maybe a shred
Lightning bugs
Light
Done by a star
Shine down
Onto me
Bring my body
To shore
And breathe in the
Salt
G l i m m e r i n g
S h i m m e r i n g
Take the sparkles from my eyes
Wash them over
Over
Me
;
Take
It
Share my
Soul
We can share
The light
Light i found in the depths of a tidal wave
Wondering why i had not found it
Until i drowned
Blodeuwedd
Flower face
Oh princess of lies and deceit
An owl even at night and in mourning
You are the queen of your own future
A myth to all but to me you are real
Perhaps you were made to satisfy man
But they created you to love
Then they cast you aside when it wasn't who they desired
To be moved from fields to a towering grand castle
To be stripped of choice and forced to marry a tyrant when your days were composed of basking in the sun and eating her light
To be punished with the freedom of a bird
To trick the world into giving you the freedom you deserved and make them think it was all their plot
Yet you could not have understood that you would lose what you loved to do so
Victim to villainess
This is a fate you earned but did not deserve
I often find myself guilty of the sin of taking breath
Cobwebs are my home and I vacation in caverns of broken glass
These shards of sea glass reassure me as they rip me blood from bone
Still, I draw breath like an artist plagiarizing from a museum painting
I will give the lesions a moment to heal before I crack them open once more like the wood of support in a childhood home being rip from board to board
I feel the glass scrape my bones
I held like the world finally took pity on me
A selfish combination of a ribcage and flesh
I am sorry for stealing someone else's breath
For it was never mine to take
But I still adore the sound
Of breathing, of broken glass, of cobwebs
I think this could be my home
Dissolve into me
Everything I can say or think makes me what to dissolve with you
Dreaming of falling to each other like cotton candy
Wondering how I could melt into you like sugar into tea
Into my soul like thick lavender honey
Never to cease begging to combine the love between us to create someone new
Probably like candy, now that I think about it
Rainbows of cotton candy, gummy worms, pixie sticks
Opened up to create a new flavor we've never tried before
Moments we should've had when we were children
In this moment we can try again, we can make this life new
Something our parents never wanted to give us
Everything your father never stayed for and my mother never attended to
Maybe we can be a candy cane together, you can be the red stripe and I white
Everybody knows how we can dance in harmony and become a sweet symphony
Younger versions of us can be satisfied once more
Only by this, the taste of us dissolving down to fit together
Understand, please, how we could even become a pie, we do not have to be candy
Whatever it is you want to be
I will join you with whatever it is
Let me convince you I will be happy with whatever you desire
Love is strong enough to keep me happy enough
Let me prove myself
Over and over again if I must
Vanity cannot overtake me
Everything I do, it is for you
Make us into a brand new sweet, maybe a brownie or a cake or pie
Enough to dissolve down with me, become us together
For you, I would even dissolve into a drink
Only if to cross your lips for even a second
Remember how much love I swore to you
Even in our darkest of hours
Violent in its path, my heart never ceased to beat for you even if my ribs bruised
Everything was worth the pain, if it meant to be with you
Right by your side is where I wish to forever stay
Only if we dissolve together do I think my heart will start to rest
Karma will bring you to me, will bind us together as our fate
Anything we wish for can be ours if only we commit to it
Youth shouldn't stop us from cotton candy fantasies
?
A snake named Rose
When the snake was a child
She began to walk
Only so late a child as the rest of nature
A flower always finds a way to let its petals blossom
When the snake started to walk
Soon she discovered what it meant to run
for she ran faster and better than any other creature
Flowers now knew what it meant to truly bloom
When the snake started to realize she was running so fast
she could not savor enough
She began to slow down
She grew to find the love of others
Like the sweet scent of a flower draws in the bees
When the snake started to stop and take a breath
Her breath was taken away
Her lovely legs she'd used to walk and run and then stop
Were forced open and held down
Like a flower being plucked and pulled apart for ones own satisfaction
The snake grew fangs to inebriate her enemies with toxins
grew to unhinge her jaw to devour even the biggest and strongest of threats
Her soft skin shifted to serpentine scales
her little legs shed off with her skin as she decided no one could ever force them open again
Her arms left her too as she no longer wished to hold another except to constrict
She no longer resembled a flower
When the snake became the snake
She thanked the gods who blessed her for who she became
for she prayed and prayed for the change
She finally understood
All flowers shed their petals
As all snakes shed their skins
Limitless possibility
I would run away, find a place for only me, on that fit my favorite dream. And I would scream. I would blow my own lungs out with sorrow and distain and I would just keep going until I had no desire to anymore.
After that, I would take enough money to buy a house and a little garden, hire a gardener to maintain it for me as I have no green thumbs at all, then I would sit in the garden all day until someone begs me to stop. No one will, but god would it be lovely to see if someone would.