Soul of skeptic writhes with agonizing torture (like a burning man) in Dante’s Inferno
Self immolation as sacrificial bleating lamb
promises eternal martyrdom
awaiting voluntary die hard protester,
where countless vestal virgins provide blissfulness
(think Playboy mansion on steroids)
synonymous with delightful
grand view garden of Eden
transmuting mortal flesh
(clothed in lovely bones)
into burnt offering
mummifying and searing
once robust sacred heart
courtesy hungry, and angry forked flames.
Escape said hell on Earth I must,
which hopefully convincingly
explains the above nightmarish scenario
awaking me from an otherwise pleasant siesta.
Livingsocial here at Highland Manor
sparks the matchless following hyperbole,
whereby overactive imagination
fosters grim statistics of suicide in general,
and setting her/himself afire in particular,
yes no matter the truism, we
(yours truly and the missus)
can attest to a roof
(recently reshingled) over our head.
If only the (laugh-in) fickle finger of fate
would bless with doggone sudden wealth,
or bestow beneficent altruistic philanthropist
to bolster my very anemic
checking and savings accounts
which still smarts nearly eleven months
after weathering a blitzkrieg assault
iterated umpteen times
within previous poems,
and even posted a gofundme page,
whose soothing telephone voice
calm, cool and collected (sotto voce) belied
blood thirsty Machiavellian
scheming compute hacker and fraudster,
who called himself Harvey Specter;
One scheming scammer,
who made out like a bandit
after he fleeced one naive sexagenarian.
No matter psychological services
found the author of these words vilifying
above named malevolent online marauder
who initially (convincingly) weaseled his way
thru the milieu of cyberspace
zapping this Apple Macbook Pro laptop,
claiming to be holier than thou
by disabling access to the Internet,
I fell prey to his charade,
binary enfilade, and façade
entranced and mesmerized,
subsequently feeling wretched
after carrying out the bidding
by unforgettable referenced clip artist,
which incident of being bilked
reported to the local police,
whose promptitude responding
offered small consolation.
Little forgiveness yielded toward
a punning wordsmith,
still seething, fuming, livid with rage
and mad as a hatter at himself
for following hook, line and sinker,
an older fella ordinarily tentative and cautious
when commingling with persons unknown.
Ominous presentiments quaked rationalist scribe... triggering ultimate vanquishment - wrecking youth
One scared little boy
socially and emotionally withdrawn
desperately clutched
his mother's apron strings
in an effort for safety
and security to deploy
bowl haircut (courtesy mother)
created striking resemblance
with Little Lord Fauntleroy,
he prayed getting adopted
courtesy MainLine hoi polloi
housing twenty first century
version Helen of Troy.
When nothing but a pipsqueak
the world wide web
seemingly crashed around the Dumbo ears
of me one run(t) of the mill(ion) logophile,
who warranted professional
parents sought psychologist Ted Goldberg,
who prescribed Mellaril and Elavil
(put that in your Funk and Wagnalls).
Hence panglossian appellation
incongruous with well read kook,
he who embraces atheistic, holistic, individualistic,
pessimistic, poetic, realistic, terrific... outlook,
whose pastime reading books yum zook.
More so yours truly
considers himself an existential nihilist,
whereby birth offers no significant purpose,
and only death released one
into the portal of sublime nirvana.
I adopted (rather inherited) said credo
courtesy (predicated upon)
long line of renowned fatalists
plagued with suicidal ideation
(read anorexic predilections)
when a mere
transparent microscopic zygote.
Now grown old and weary
(actually aged poet here
three decades plus five years
shy of becoming centenarian)
chronic dysthymia doth
(cry Uncle) fester
within me noggin.
While in utero
after due time
(obstetrician witnessing
full term scrawny newborn)
subsequently exiting birth canal
January thirteenth mcmlix
inhaling initial breath of fresh air
mine residence upon oblate spheroid
nothing but endless
mental health crisis fraught existence.
No obvious physical aberration evident,
when cervix of
xxxxxxx xxxxxx maximally dilated,
whereby a buck naked
scraggly bag of bones issued forth,
mere minutes elapsed after head did crown
until skinny collection
of arms and legs did flail about
the baby boy wailed himself blue in the face
bellowing at ear splitting decibels
indicative something askew
impossible mission
to decipher infantile yowling.
Upon cusp of becoming old and senile
formidable impediments kickstarted
incalculable, indelible, and ineradicable
torturously writhing mailer daemons
asphyxiating life sustaining essence
at tender age kickstarting self destruction
jackknifing healthy metamorphosis
from young lad into emerging adult
a history replete with psychological landscape
severely sundered into wasteland
forever extirpating potential joie de vivre.
Awaiting a growth spurt that never happened
When a boy,
I wanted to be as tall as my father
(he passed away October seventh
two thousand and twenty
linkedin to congestive heart failure),
who stood at his prime
about six feet and two inches
and tipped the scales
close to two hundred pounds.
Teachers and other familiar adults
chimed in that though diminutive
(yours truly, he unwittingly offered himself
as the ideal scapegoat
courtesy being longitudinally challenged,
weighing no more than an ostrich feather,
and hashtagged as "the quietest student,"
a flower child of the ninety sixties
always kept mum every single day of school),
would unexpectedly experience
peak height velocity.
Neither at ages eighteen, nineteen, twenty...
sixty three, sixty four and sixty five
bore witness to any added inches,
which topped out
around my sixteenth birthday
approximately seventy inches tall
and attendant weight a scrawny
one hundred and
twenty five pounds or thereabouts.
Actually since graduating
from Methacton High School
two score and seven years ago,
my weight ballooned
an avoirdupois unit of weight
divided into 16 ounces,
and equal to 0.453 592 kilograms
approximately forty plus times
such said constituent parts
first thing in the morning
after eliminating evacuating
re:excreting bodily waste.
A preponderance of adipose tissue
long since upended my once upon a time
twenty nine inch waist.
Slab of flab protrudes from ab - feel free to grab!
What follows initially written
quite some years ago
when being skinny as a rail meant
no meat on these lovely bones,
thus hired myself out as scared crow,
now excess adipose tissue thy foe
losing battle partially explaining
why knight spends inordinate
amount of time in his grotto.
Twas an incremental
subtle expansion of waist
plus olympic challenge to tie shoes
most likely side effects of one
or all nine prescription medications
to stave off severe melancholy,
social anxiety, panic attack, et cetera
when yours truly merely
prepubescent self starvation courtesy
emaciated Anorexic skeletal ribcage
traced (about two score
and a baker's dozen years ago),
now whereby most everything
thy tongue doth taste
immediately delivered
a randy (new man) paunch
to former washboard six pack
smooth as a fresh application
of gesso like paste
readying fleshy canvass
for partially nude
self-portrait masterpiece
(adjacent to barenaked lady)
lived three doors down
depicting mine once perfectly,
(albeit one scrawny lad)
proportioned body electric laced
with flat as a washboard physique
unlike present disk graced
whereat when sending a photograph
of shirtless self-try with futility
utilizing photoshop to get erased
displeasing equatorial zone of anatomy
saddled with unwanted
fatty tissue that defaced
proportionate rock hard stomach
one generic measly slender adult man
about five foot and ten-inch build
evincing an aura of being chaste
gone forever analogous to temptation
gobbling house constructed
of cake and confectionery,
that nearly did likewise
to Hansel and Gretel
readying their not quite
plump enough bodies
tubby slathered with baste,
yet just in the nick of time
the two abandoned minors
actually removed courtesy
children, youth and
family services (CYS)
under care of adoption in sync
with spade work
aced the sinister plot outwitting
cannibalistic cackling
croaking old woman
inducing all to break out into song -
singing the following tune
I learned in grade school.
Loose air into pipes and croon
solo loud enough audible to man in the moon.
Sarasponda, sarasponda, sarasponda rat tat tat
Sarasponda, sarasponda, sarasponda rat tat tat
A doray-oh, A doray-boomday-oh
A doray-boomday ret set set
Ah say pah say oh.
Carpe diem penis
Way back when yours truly sought selfish succor courtesy extramarital liaisons (quite aghast and repentant at that mindset now), I dappled writing erotica an example of which follows, which aery mission constitutes insinuating erogenous pleasure within the mind ova female reader in general, and one lovely gal who experiences admiration reading missives of mine.
Intent here = finagling, landing and rounding
into hot blooded, miniature, two lipped port of Venus
mindfully, poetically, telepathically, and yearningly.
As pendulum swings within
infinite pit from the Alcatraz tower,
premature ejaculation occurs
signalling nocturnal emissions
man handled hand pumped power
I Noah goot an available pick cha right now
at this late er rather early sixth ninth hour
boot mebbe je ne sais quois
essence about me
can rise (from the following words)
like bread baked with yeast and flour
courtesy gently beseeching shy
Norwegian bachelor doth cower.
Time elapsed with silent tick tock
the following erotic fantasy
as tongue wagging whet dream
that found me little tower shock
absorbed within pubic hair
hard as the Prudential rock,
whereby no white cap
fast moving edifying stream
entering the port of clitoris
near twin labial lock
hoop fully provides a place
underneath prim and proper frock
of fictitious adulteress
named Hester Prynne
for my wienerschnitzel
to dock of flavor able toward
an average democratic cock.
Yours truly disinclined
to upset the status quo
anyway...for starters hello kitty,
and this hopefully
the start of a friendship
whereby seeds of life yield
White Lily Or relationship
that will blossom and grow
more valuable than
any amount of $ -- dough.
This pent up urge to fondle
one or both wonderful womanly teat
found a quixotic whim to meet
thru classifieds which offers
a common way to meet
imagining the outcome
of such of said delectable feat
but fearing the odds
twould be stacked way to high to beat.
Now let each of us
give reasonable rhyme to yell
billy me best not to stay idle
for exciting poetic talent doth well
up slumbering libidinal longings
this humble not so long fellow could tell
and just maybe coax ye
to bear thine chest for e'en just a spell
forsooth these to behold
an apt comparison to a flesh
born physiognomy portrayal
of mountains tipped with nipples
and that balm in the cleavage
of a wondrous pilsner
pheromone seasoned dell.
The erogenous clitoris awash
with for his -- mine --
oral meal to baste
the special elixirs -
ooh how this tongue
twould crave to nibble
upon the aureole and suckle
to drawn out milky paste
we can fondle, kiss and taste,
thence descending to the area
just a tad lower than thy waste.
I will try by hook or crook
to weasel my erectile prick
would strive to hook and exhaust itself
after getting a close up look
at each and every pubic covered cranny,
and moist warm and tasty nook
tasting the sweet nectar
my mouth already salivates
as my very late paternal grandfather
would markedly comment yum zuck.
This sexually celibate penile forced male
fancies feeling bodily heat
from you and maybe hold
his little flaccid
itty bitty teensy weensy cock
in one or t'other hand
(considered in my mind
somewhat insubstantial
in width, length, girth and breadth
and NOT so grand
at least compared and contrasted
with wish for larger male gonadal gland
yet nonetheless disease free, healthy,
copacetic, holistic, magnetic,
narcissistic, organic and caucasian
Trader Joe's whole foods brand)
which little circumsized penis
recently christened believe me
Uncle Seamus horny weiner,
whence gently caressed,
would magically transform
from a limp biscuit and begin
to expand with veins bulging
and popping and ready
to ready to spew forth
sought after seminal sticky contraband
thrust inside one or
t'other choice orifices cum will land.
Within carnal venal zone
thine trouser snake can speak
history spoken in soft whispery tone
across smartass telephone
hoping to hear ye pleasantly moan
orgasmic pangs of arousal
generating synchronized glottal groan
courtesy hardened bone.
No matter your religion, race or creed
gut wrenching flattery I promise to exceed,
I take a minor risk yes indeed
to communicate at greased lightning speed,
who -- contrary to any rumors --
does not smoke liquor nor drink weed.
Sebaceous glands connected to follicles secrete an oily substance called sebum
With a title deeply rooted
in subject matter iterated above
invariably makes for hair raising poem,
though I immediately attest said material
constitutes atypical topic
the writing process (with intent
to share bizarre pet peeve)
mildly cathartic to ameliorate
long established body dysmorphia,
(which lifelong aversion
about how body electric
of mine - a corporeal entity housing
an aging baby boomer wordsmith),
steeped with lifetime worth
of disproportionate outsize importance
linkedin to those fibrous
harried styled brunette strands
sustained courtesy by tiny blood vessels
at the base of every follicle
buzzfeeding the hair root to keep it growing.
But once the hairs
becomes visible
(not just on my chinny chin chin),
but more so at the skin's surface,
the cells within the strand of hair
aren't alive anymore.
The hair you see on every part
of your body contains dead cells.
Nevertheless empirical evidence
witnessed bajillion dollar industries,
where many an entrepreneur
made a bundle of money
buttressing caparisoning oneself
aspiring to attain exemplification
towards how western civilization
(and subsequently webbed wide world)
defines contrived beautify.
Yours truly (particularly during
his emotionally tumultuous adolescence)
for all intents and purposes
most all each of his
life long journey into night,
he considered himself afflicted
with obsessive compulsive behavior in general,
and incongruous objection
with arbitrary template
of attraction (as applies
to the male species) in particular.
As a cute little boy
with strawberry blonde hair
kept cropped short to scalp
acquired motherly
endearment of "little monkey,"
accompanied courtesy pinch of cheeks
yet outgrew both imposition of buzz cut
and appellation, yet bananas
as passion fruit never faded
but parental decree to schedule appointments
with barber became vehemently reviled.
I vaguely recollect demonstratively
niggling, remonstrating, and voicing
strong objection, ne protestation
against getting a haircut
(in tandem with gesticulations)
as aladdin upper grades of elementary school,
whereby parents quickly relented
allowing, enabling, and providing
their singular sole son opportunistic
fostering unhealthy relationship
growing his long luscious locks
with what in short order became
nonestablishmentarian true trademark.
Fixation as a vitamin junkie
peculiarly evolved whereby
ingesting over the counter supplements
(despite evidence to the contrary)
buzzfeeds limp tresses
lacking pseudo/quasi Jewfro
(a curly, frizzy, or bushy hairstyle
worn by some Jewish people,
reminiscent of an Afro)
sported by yours truly
during his emerging adulthood.
Apache OpenOffice post - videlicet converting ascii format back to ODT.
I (Matthew Harris) scrolled thru a small number of threads applicable to issue iterated in Subject box, but yours truly (me - a spry boyish looking married sexagenarian - Doctor Demento humanitarian wannabe) does NOT consider himself technically savvy with computers (NOR anything electrical), hence a panic stricken state prevailed regarding .doc written and saved poetic material somehow getting converted into orthodox ASCII irretrievably lost. After doing a Google search I came (upon the midnight clear) witnessing your forum emblazoned across the sky. After reading similar laments courtesy countless unknown persons, who experienced a similar quandary (most posted some years ago) methought there must exist a verbal incantation that can be uttered to reverse the unwanted ask key transmutation nearly rendering hours of blood, sweat, and tears on a three dog night all for naught.
After familiarizing myself with creating a username and password at the following link (User community support forum for Apache OpenOffice, LibreOffice and all the OpenOffice.org derivatives), a hare brained idea awoke to communicate far and wide across the webbed wide world namely elaborating to elucidate (peppered with light humor), and enlighten anonymous browser (reader) aside from being gifted as a storied poet or poetess in particular or writer in general to help distressed dude, perhaps (ideally) courtesy a former damsel in distress.
If nothing else this beatle browed, doobie brother, foo fighting half noiser maker jumping jack flash blinding as a luminaire nonchalant poetaster reaches toward virtual wizardry gave thee dear reader a chuckle.
Please do NOT reply with message encrypted as text clipping with bangles, NOR goo goo dolls serving red hot chili peppers. A private joke only known to myself.
Sweaty hands armageddon on my nerves
Palm history awash with drips
unballed fist humboldt
splayed fingers vamoose releasing
wrist took rat release sing psalm
palm history awash with drips.
(Me slippery fingers slither,
slip and slide splashing ala
Jackson Pollock), sans slap
dash experimental, swiftly
tailored and harried writing
style, yes on par with purging,
spewing, venting...unexpurgated,
unexpressed, unexplained...
words, which this Engelbert
Humperdinck singer/songwriter,
(whose birth name actually
Arnold George Dorsey MBE
inexplicably popped
into the mind of this Dadaist)
offers "FAKE" apology for any
self inflicted, or sadomasochistic
flagellated cranial contusions
out of utter futility to make sense
regarding following gobbledygook!
GOOD LUCK!
Mine groovy palmar flexion
creases forever moistened
by porous size damn leaking levees
provoking deluge outranking Biblical flood -
handy history (in miniature)
replete with Ark keel logical artifacts
discovered by hall mark wainwright -
about 10 stone and 5 pound huckster,
circa Fin de siècle, when
callous ten hooks (calisthenics, eh)
caught without Noah
shadow of a doubt proof positive
by Matthew Scott,
so don't Harris me
(amat sure his surname)
linkedin to storied testament
rivalling epic of Gilgamesh,
nee the entire spoilers alerts since
dawn of civilization writ small
impossible mission to decipher
indelibly etched, (what appear
as Egyptian hieroglyphics),
methinks his perspiration
contains preservative agent,
(a natural formaldehyde like substance)
generated nsync
to maintain eternal youthfulness,
which stumps medical community,
and earned him hashtagged "hotmail"
(eagerly sought after human commodity),
a blessing and curse palms plagued
with chronic profuse wetness, yet lines
(little flushed streams of consciousness)
rowed by itty bitty teensy weensy
merry daydreamers harkens back
when life held faint promise
for scattered (contra) bands
of bipedal hominids fiercely
competing with trumpeting
(Taj Mahal sized) beasts
(donned Johnny come latelt tousled
windswept hirsute trademark)
Euclid heir'm barreling along
barren steppes all around
the one straggly mulberry bush,
where one pensive monkey (proto-human)
chased the weasel
all around the world wide web.
True (terrific) title touché: Trump’s truckling tutored toadying troopers...
Hip hip hooray!
Don (knot) hate barren defeat,
and unroll your red carpet,
cuz...January 20th, 2025 trumpets,
with pensive (my cull) word play,
when truculence becomes fashionable again yay!
Tipping the scales and approximately weigh
ying two hundred and fifty pounds
courtesy chowing down McDonald's
fish delight specially cooked up today
er... rather Sunday,
when said Golden Arches patron
hungrily wolfs down favorite meal,
a valuable selling point
fast food giant could portray.
In truth, yours truly a liberal Democrat
with humorous zing
double entendres ahead
look out when cross xing
Stormy Daniels
into pun one mock two zone,
I gently ply hitting
left field homers courtesy
upswing titillating madding crowd
generating suspense pulse quickening
political kibitizing more left-wing
versus common joe
biden his time crafting moderate
reasonable rhyme fulfilling
personal literary quest.
Less than six months hence...
government of the people,
by the people,
for the people,
will perish from the earth
unless voters choose wisely
when the 2022 United States elections
held on Tuesday, November 8, 2022.
During upcoming midterm election year,
all 435 seats in the House of Representatives
and 34 of the 100 seats in the Senate
will be contested. ...
This will be the first election affected
by redistricting that followed 2020 census.
All kidding aside
yours truly would sooner
groom Frankenstein's bride
to occupy Oval Office versus
tawdry, randy, and paunchy narcissist
otherwise referencing forty fifth president
of United States a bonafide and certified
threat to democracy, a sore loser who decried
outcome of two thousand twenty election
razor thin winning margin courtesy blue party
electoral college elucidation edified
although squabble ensued electorate fortified
nevertheless elephant in the room glorified
present day divisiveness impossible to hide.
Hence horror haunts humdrum humorist,
he hazards hurling histrionics
hoping happenstance heralds happiness.
Wily word wizard (unlike Alfred E. Neuman
the fictitious mascot and cover boy
of the American humor magazine Mad)
me worried, where world wide web wickedly wends.
Triumphantly tenaciously (try to)
trample treacly traffickers target
timid testifiers traducing,
their traitorous tractable toxic troglodyte:
today transition toward
totalitarianism tidily trends.
Quasimoto (querulously) queries, quivers, quakes:
queasiness quotient quarantine quelled qualm;
qua quacking quaffing quota quips:
quicksand quits quagmire quashing:
quintessential quarrelsome;
quintillionth queued questioner.
Numbskull noodles notorious nonsense:
nincompoop netizen nimbly navigates;
nowadays nauseating news necessitates
nameless nervous negativistic nattering nabob;
Nome nomad nudges, numerates, nurtures... narcolepsy.
Knowledgeable knave; kind hearted
keen, kooky kvetching king kibitzer;
kindles kickass kinskip (kaffeeklatsch);
kneading Keats kinfolk karma.
His highness, herewith hooligan;
helpmate hermit hamstrung Harmit Harms;
humiliating, harried, ho hum humorous hokum;
habitual half hearted hookers happily hollow;
hallelujah!
Exceptional exertion earnest endeavor
exercising especial expending energy
excluding essential exact entities
even everyday eminent eccentric
experienced exhaustion epilogue.
H-E-L-P!!! N-e-e-d s-o-m-e-b-o-d-y!!! Spouse booby trapped husband!!!
Homicide dirty deed
depicted figurative judicious punch
done dirt cheap courtesy
munch house zen by proxy
immediately suspected hunch
police, K9 corps, and ambulance
nearly lost their lunch
yellow crime tape
cordoned off homicide
booted feet did poetically crunch
while leashes untangled,
viz braided bunch.
Law enforcement officers i.e. they
Perkiomen Township precinct tidy
as... executive attache
case headed by narcotics
mod squad trooper Amelie
Beth knew address of scrivener brother
immediately quaffed mouthful Schuylkill
downing requisite
with "FAKE" sedative cray
zee that seems as iterated above
giving judicious punch to allay
time and again
marital altercations daresay
put Schwenksville neighborhood
under immediate lockdown
Bay of Pigs in comparison child's play
summoned rookies re:
instant karma coldplay
witnessed unusual display
officers, paramedics, and trained
German shepherds on faux pas did pray
(canines formerly under religious sway
nsync with neutered
saint Matthew Scott
sacred church fathers and mothers
panglossian benevolence ne'er betray
loved spouting doggerel pay
Canis lupus familiaris obeissance oh...
I got scent tum mental anyway
kit and caboodle - women in blue,
plus aforementioned cod ray
regarding medical technicians
braced themselves steely,
merry, burly Ive,...
Hen former career recruits, thus okay
toughened courtesy green beret
fearless motley crue did sasha
gingerly, nimbly, walking softly...
where angels treading listening
faintly hearing sauntered without delay,
whence plaintive bent down on haunches
analogous to plie (plea yea)
including dogs ready to spring,
where overly curious inquisitive ne
bores asked to take selfie oy vey
afterwards quickly made bee line
discerning most strategic way
to enter apartment and rescue
a scene no stranger Giacomo Casanova,
to Rabelais, or Marquis de Sade
chaos theory put thru paces
mind boggling utter disarray
courtesy the missus
floor to ceiling clutter, perhaps soiree
gone awry with personal paraphernalia
strewn helter skelter hodge podge
bajillion potential accidents away
one misstep to temper and disable
garden variety trumpeting popinjay.
Scads of decades ago mine needled posterior scored with pinpricks
Metaphorical mama's yoyo
came undone, unleashing woe
doggone wizard of oz sought in toto
afore final picture show
would play staging prosic cuter
determining irrevocable fate oh no!
Approximately this time of year
(circa mid December)
as Christmas holiday doth near,
yours truly donning his unrecognizable
incognito custom tailored
corporeal Harris (Boss) Tweed wear
well worn, timeworn,
and careworn birthday suit -
most frightening Halloween scare
transient boyhood lad
spooked with fear
courtesy grizzled old man,
who toothless doth glare
at much younger self
sporting scraggly gray hair
searches happy go lucky,
innocently naive reclusive uber writer,
fancy free and footloose spare
slip sliding away shy kid 'ere
timid, solitary, reservedly...
imperfect triangulated
square peg in round hole
quizzically, soundlessly... mere
roaring, reflecting,
and ruminating riddled with despair
methinks him foreigner,
stranger things loomed as harbinger...
unavoidable, hellacious, catastrophic...
pitfalls he ain't aware
impossible mission to bolster near
deadly encounters fraught
with maniacal mailer daemons
stealing his harmony, jollity, spontaneity...
knocking him out stone cold no prayer,
nor wing can revive, he will appear,
whence straddling prepubescence
agonizingly scared shuffling, skulking
sputtering... eventually collapsing
upon his then scrawny derriere
bony posterior subjected
necessary iron injections
to buttress against being anemic
courtesy Harriet Harris (late mother)
licensed practical nurse buttressing
emaciated frame hiding her tear
filled eyes, while sole son
wishes grim reaper curses harridan
freely clutching him onto elysian fields,
where abound spirits
of grateful dead everywhere.