just another friday night without you
tonight is a rough night
i've read through every text we ever sent
while listening to a song that tears my insides apart
and cried my eyes out
sobbing in my bed
wishing i could go back to those days
when all i had to do was open my phone and you were there
now i avoid it
and you're still on my mind
i know you're the one
whose absence will never stop hurting
making my chest feel like it'll explode
no contact
He just left, he never cared about me
She thinks she's the reason he left
She doesn't think there could be another reason?
He didn't love me like he did her
She thinks she wasn't good enough
She thinks he found someone better
I can't live without him in my life
She credits him with her life
She feels insignificant without him
I love him, I'll never love again
She made him the center of her entire universe
She thinks she can't continue life and find someone else
Session over
I know what I need
She is highly dependent on others emotionally, but doesn't like being a burden
She wants things she can't have
She just has to keep no contact
I have a feeling that won't work out
grief
grief
the internal reaction to loss
i lost you
and i can barely breathe
does that mean i'm grieving you?
i'm grieving someone who is still alive
and now is well
not sure you ever grieved me,
guess i couldn't have been a loss to you
just a weight lifted off your shoulders
i grieve you in every moment
that's why my heart always hurts
it's missing
and grieving
you.
a letter to my mom (now that i’ve grown up)
I'm sorry, mom.
For all of the stupid things I do
that annoy you on a daily basis.
Biting my nails,
hugging you every five seconds,
talking your ear off;
I'm sorry.
And for the days when I feel like
no one loves me,
the days I doubt your heart;
I'm so sorry.
And I don't treat you badly on purpose,
I love you,
more than I show it.
I just have days when it feels like
the whole world is against me-
it's not your fault though.
If I'm having a bad day,
please don't assume it's your fault.
And if I don't make it as far in life
as you have,
it doesn't reflect on you-
I don't blame you for any of it.
Just know that I love you,
mom,
for everything you've sacrificed for me over the years,
and all the troubles you've gotten me out of.
I am eternally grateful.
Thank you.
acceptance
It's starting to really get to me-
the way you said you loved me and then moved on.
I pretend to be okay,
but my heart can't be tricked, it knows you're gone.
And as I lie in bed remembering the good times,
your words float around in my mind.
You told me we'd do everything together,
that you'd be my partner in crime.
You said you wanted the world with me,
you said you wanted to see the world- with me.
But you left,
and in your place, the sunset is all I see.
I see the beach we always talked about,
the sand, the waves; I smell the ocean breeze.
But thinking about you brings back the pain of it all,
and I cry until I wheeze.
You really are the one my heart will never forget,
you make me glad to be alive.
But you're also the one who makes a crying session
out of every late night drive.
I might never tell you how I feel again,
but as long as I have the memories of us,
I will never stop thinking of you and me and all we used to be,
because nothing and no one else will ever be enough.
nothing to you, everything to me
Nothing
is the silence between two people who were once each other's everything
Nothing
is the blank stare he gave me when I told him I wanted him to be mine forever
Nothing
is the last of our memories fading away the longer he's gone from my side
Nothing
is unrequited love
Nothing
is life after losing him
the one
i can't help but feel like i'm being forgotten
he's still everything in my heart,
i can't let go of him,
no matter how hard i try.
i know i have a boyfriend, and i love him
but what if he was the one?
i really think he is,
and i hope one day we both realize it
(preferably at the same time)
and make a life together,
like all the plans we made.
i want all of them
and more.
but i want them with him,
not someone new.
missing the one my heart wants
it was one missed spark
but it multiplied.
it was all we had,
now it's the reason i cry.
you were all i wanted
in this sick, messed up world.
now you're the one i long for,
but i know is being held by another girl.
you were the one i never wanted to lose
now i can't sleep.
when i do get to finally rest,
the memories of us start to creep.
i can't let go of the future we built,
because you're the one for me.
but you've moved on,
found someone else to love infinitely.