I think sometimes of how young we were when we met.

We were just two girls who just umderstood each other.

I remember days of shouting from the balcony of my house over the bungalow next door into your house, I would climb as far up the railing as I could just to catch a glimpse you and your cute little brothers smile as you both hopped up and down so you could see me too.

We grew older and parted a while but I always knew you were still in my corner, our lives just angling away from each other for a bit.

When we reconnected, we were all grown up, our differences more apparent yet we worked.

You were always the pretty one and I never really understood why you were my friend. Yet I was really glad you were my friend cause I could always rely on you.

I had your back, you had mine. We worked out until we didn't.

I remember the day of our fight so clearly. I remember wanting to come over to you and sort it out. My pride got in the way.

The next day, I was so sure I would do it but then I worked into the class and this girl pointed at me, whispered something to this other girl. And they laughed.

I don't know what they said but I could feel my insecurities kicking in. What had you told them, why were they talking about me. I wished I'd asked to talk but my head was abuzz with my insecurities.

And then for weeks after that, I

remember how much it hurt when people asked me where you were. Knowing I couldn't answer hurt more than I knew to handle. I always used to know where you where.

In my mind, I felt people blame me for what happened and it strengthened my resolve not to apologise for what happened.

I remember the day when our friends put us in a circle and tried to get us to apologise. We refused. Me mainly because I felt like every one of them had already chosen a side. You are most easily the nicest person I know. But I wasn't the one to blame this time.

So for three years till we graduated we became just classmates. I remember exaggerating laughs when you were in the room. Catching your eyes in the classroom and hallways were a constant reminder of what I lost due to pride.

Felt like our friends and family had finally accepted that we were not meant to be friends anyway after so many tries to reunite us.

I missed three years of being your friend. Three years of laughs and friendship.

I know nothing can ever change that but I do know that if not for that fight, my secondary school years would have been the most memorable years of my life.

I should have said it then but I'm saying it now.

I'm so sorry, I wish I could take back all those years. You were my best friend and it really doesn't matter who's fault it was. I'm sorry. I know it's late but I would give anything just to have things go back to how they were. I've never being able to find a true friend like you.

From P to A.

My skin feels like dry silk.

My body is so warm and my blanket has fallen prey to the chill in the air.

My cup of black tea is burning hot and my tongue is going to have to deal with it.

I want to watch the sunset as I sip my tea, so I step out on to the porch.

I take a sip and watch as the wind twirls a trail of sand in a cone shape gracefully before it lowers the sand particles and comes rushing my way.

I hold my hand up to shield my face from the incoming biting cold wind.

The wind dances away from me just as I feel a painful tingle on my lips.

My lips are painfully dry, even though I recall putting on a layer of vaseline before putting on a layer of orange flavored lip stick.

Oh well, a sip of tea should help.

I raise my mug up for a sip.

My tea is stone cold.

Sometimes when I was younger,

I'd read the ending of a romance novel before I started the book.

Not cause I was crazy but because the supposed assurance of an happy ever after with a life full of love was enough thrill to look forward to.

I'm older now and I've grown so much more and with my insecurities growing right along with me.

I've grown smarter now that I know that attractive soul gripping eyes and witty comebacks alone do not constitute love.

I know now that I'm looking for a partner, someone who sees me, my insecurities and how they weigh down on me and yet sees for my strength and is ready to help me through this stressful journey that life is.

I want a partner that is not afraid to bare his emotions and break down in front of me knowing that I only want to help them through it and with me is comfort and care and every good emotion they need me to express.

Love does not judge. I need someone who will not judge me for my decisions but gently advice me or give their opinion and still be willing to stand with me when i make wrong choices.

I want to be respected and have the ability to make choices. I want someone willing to work through the hard stuff and all the curve balls that life throws our way with me.

NOT SURE IF THIS WAS GOOD. BUT THIS IS WHAT LOVE CAN BE TO ME.