

Book of life
In front of the mirror she stood in awe
Admiring the landscape of scars and all the things she saw
In front of her was a book with no title
No cover page, no fancy words, simply a breaker of a vicious cycle
She was the testimony to a life of strife
Of efforts spent, blood spilled, broken ties and a fulfilling life
The book was full to the brim with words said and hidden
Of lives lived and dreamt of, and even the dreams unwritten
Yet the book had no end
No start and no middle, just words of pretend
The mirror started to go blurry the deeper she looked
Flakes of dirt, vison hazy, she was eternally hooked
The day I was left behind
I used to proudly think myself strong
That no matter how tough life can get, I will always know where I belong
I used to think of my feet as roots ,far beneath the earth binding me to my truth
Strong and wild stretching all across the land, a testament to my everlasting youth
I’ve lived in dreamland quite often throughout the years
Fought demons and dragons and mourned my loved ones with bloody tears
I thought I would be ready for anything, that I could take on the world
That my heart was strong and my mind will never be stirred
Thinking back on it now, how foolish I have been
No matter how old they get, you can never, a child from their parents Wean
It has been 2,028 days since tragedy struck my soul
My time froze on that day, and I have been constantly losing control
I tend to block the memories to be honest with you
I’m yet to fully reconcile that there was nothing else that I could do
But every time I think I found some peace of mind
I’m haunted by the ghosts of my past, forever confined
I remember that day as if time has never passed
How could it, when I have been trapped all along, aghast
He came back home like always, and I opened the door
As if With my hands I blew the horns of my eternal war
For the first time I didn’t look him in the eyes
Taking for granted the times we shared, not ready for the upcoming surprise
Suddenly I heard the call,
The sounds he used to make whenever the episodes, him befall
However this time the silence was long and deafening
Unable to fathom the loud truth , the air unsettling
And I ran!
Like a madman escaping the prison of solitude, I ran
Barefoot, cold, fuming with freezing heat my strife just began
I never knew fear like the terror that flowed in my blood on that freezing night
As if on overdrive every organ underneath my skin and bones was ready to fight
Knocking on doors I never seen the like of before
Desperate for anything that could pick me up from the sinking floor
But you see, when our eyes turn blind and our voices turn silent
Deep within our genes the truth screams to come to the surface unbent
I started to hate things I used to love so badly before
Car rides in the dark when the deafening silence my heart tore
I prayed that night like a devout saint my heart was stripped naked and bleeding
To not take him away, for this to be a nightmare , in vain pleading
But fate had a plan for him without me in his life
It seemed like the game was over and the player did not survive
They say that fear like a plague invaded the heart and the mind
Once it takes over, the old you will forever, in the past, be left behind
The calmness within the chaos
In chaos flourishes light, or at least that's what they say
I waited for ages for my hope to grace my life and beside me lay
What they fail to tell you dear child, with bitterness, with you I share
The lungs that breathed rancidness for too long, will no longer favor the clean air
The heart that shattered millions of times for someone
Can no longer beat in fullness no matter how fast you run
The hands that knew not the taste of touch
Will forever sink in fear bound by grudge
The eyes that lurked in darkness blind to the warmth of light
Like a vampire will perish under the sun bright
And when hope finally graces your doorsteps, my child, your bliss turns to a curse
The years of darkness leave behind wounds, un-healing, ever in pain like ravaging wars
The calmness of peace becomes a stranger in whom you have no faith
If peace were to be a religion, how gloriously in heresy I shall bathe
For my blood speaks not the language of calmness
And neither shall yours when all you knew were tempestuous nights, Unless
You let go of the pain, and start to breathe once again
Let the air fill your lungs and penetrate deep breaking every chain
Allow a space for the light to lighten the shades of darkness within
For you, my child, are so much more than your original sin.
The birth of light
They say that darkness gives value to light
for without the dark one cannot muster the will to fight
they sang songs of glory and wrote tales in stones with blood
of legends and heroes moving mountains while sinking in mud
they say that mankind lived in darkness for ages
survived a time when even history skipped to mention in its pages
dwelled in the dark for far too long
aching to claim a place wherein to belong
then light came to be at long last
the thirst for warmth and freedom flowed in their veins so fast
like a raging flood rage took over
paving the way for a new path away from their mind’s enclosures
The curse of the Ifs
I once asked myself would things have been different have I not been born
Would my parents live different lives. Would it all have the same way gone
Would my mom grow to be the woman she has become after years of struggles
Would my father still live to this day and create even more troubles
Lots of ifs have gone through my mind throughout the years
Thoughts of tales and illusions brought about with my bitter tears
Unable to share out loud the concerns that plagued my soul
Sinking deeper each day inside my man-made hole
I noticed a pattern within myself when the ifs haunted my being
I would run from the truth and rather keep on fleeing
I tend to get overwhelmed quite easily when my limit is trespassed
Unable to establish limits for myself or even give up on the past
I'd sink deep in the blackness I helped to create
With my hands sealing away my miserable fate
Allowing my demons to take the rein and lose control
Denying every goodness and worthiness within me like an unwanted mole
Though I've noticed the pattern, it's hard to let go of my shame
I call it such for it only pushes me to myself blame
Never once have I been merciful with the girl that dwelled within
Never granted her the benefit of the doubt , tearing away at her skin
They say fear not the enemy that you see with your eyes
Your real foe lies deep within you feeding you endless lies
Contemplation
How can I tell you what’s brewing inside of my heart
When my tongue gets twisted and my words fall apart
How can I show you in actions my intentions
When each step towards you is to my core a violation
I once dared myself to come out of the shell I took as an escape
Exposed my wounded skin to you and revealed my soul’s true shape
Told you tales of passion held in secret from the depth of my soul
Of worlds of wonders and songs that made me whole
Tell me stranger where did I go wrong
Was i not enough or did I come out strong?
did my world shatter or have I not even belonged
Where the angel flew , my demons to roam longed
When.....
When I was young I used to fear darkness
Frankly I used to fear the creatures that lurked in the nothingness
How my mind was a white canvas giving birth to imageries that served me no good
On days when the dark was so black. Did those creature come out looking for food
I was the Prey that did not ask to be on fed
I was the fool who gave them power in my solitude
Darkness was the lair my fears in brewed
by the eyes that looked at the world with passion over and over screwed
Then one day came pain
maturity and heartbrebreak pouring down on me like acid rain
Taking over the mask of sanity I wore for show
Giving space to the monsters that hid inside since long ago
Empty and full walking down the path of life on my own
In darkness I found the light that on me shone
Ascension
Let her down
Said the man whose life was about to end
Only he didn’t know she lived her life underneath the surface
She was a shadow that lurked beyond the light hoping to blend
While the world cast her aside she cocooned herself into her mind’s space
Let her down
shouted once more , he who has lost his humanity
Seeking in vain to rid himself of his newly found insanity
You see, life never ceases to show us how cruel we can be
If the price is life itself , some would gladly show how they can be beastly
Surrendered and weary the child let go of her chain
Head first into the fire willingly embracing her eternal pain
For once she leapt towards her fate all on her own
Like a king ascending towards his golden throne
Surrounded by blazing flames she looked back and smirked
Eyes blazing like the beast that deep inside of her lurked
As the smoldering inferno took over her being
A laughter echoed through the crowd, fleeing
The kind stranger across from me
I’ve had one of those days today
The kind that should not be talked about
And better be deep within the shadows kept away
Mind and soul full to the brim with self doubt
Until the clock announced my time to go back
To take myself to the tiny hole I settled in and still refuse to call home
Desperately trying to prevent myself from acknowledging all the things I lack
Allowing myself some time to breathe and my brain to aimlessly roam
She was sat there long before I even rode the bus
Blending in with the noises I was trying to escape from
Fighting my anxiety and fidgeting like a dying animal - plus
Hoping to god for the time to pass by quicker , for my heart to be numb
A shadow kept appearing in the corner of my eyes
A woman deep in my soul kept digging to my ultimate surprise
Not just once , not twice , not even just ten times
I knew for certain this was not my anxiety ’s alerting signs
Then suddenly a phone held in tiny soft hands was right in my face
Scared and bewildered I only had to myself brace
Reading the lines I never knew would send me over the moon
Words of honesty and beauty that made my heart swoon
I’ve never been good with compliments to be honest with you
For reasons i wish to not speak of, believe in them, I’ve always failed to
However for the first time I wanted to cry rivers of tears
To flood the world with emotions and drown away all my fears
Thank you dear stranger for giving me a reason to move on today
You brought me so much joy it inspired my words to you respect pay
It’s rare as a woman to get complimented by a stranger woman just because
To be looked at as something precious that made me think I had no flaws
Tell me I love you
Tell me I love you
Not with your words but with your hands
Show me that you love me
In all the ways that will make my soul to you bend
Keep in mind that love is a language my heart doesn’t speak
So show me with your whole being what from me do you seek
Turn your words to discrete glances
My overthinking self will think of as miraculous chances
Let your eyes drill in me how hard was your fall
So that my heart and soul will learn how to answer your call
Teach me the language of lovers written in the stars
Starting with alphabets and moving to sounds, let’s write ours
Show me the patience you’ve displayed once and once again
When my insecurities resurface and I fail to try to, myself explain
In return I promise you one thing, and one thing to you I vow
My soul will imprint on yours for eternity like wolves