How’s my day? Shoot Me in the Face, please!
Has anyone ever noticed that when everything in your life is going smoothly and you feel genuinely happy and in a "good place, " something suddenly happens and causes your short-lived happiness to crash and burn? If so, then welcome to my life right now. I am disabled due to Bipolar disorder- don't judge me! I started receiving disability at about 22 or 23 years old when it became apparent to everyone BUT me that I couldn't hold a job to save my life. I was unmedicated and a damn mess. Self-medicating with alcohol became my daily task to check off my To Do List. I wouldn't even admit I was sick until later on in my life. Don't get me wrong now, I tried to hold a job, but could never really do it. So, I lived off my disability until I became pregnant with my son, and I knew we would need more income coming in at some point. My husband worked at a place working on AC/Heat Units at the time. After my son was born I started thinking about how I wanted to set an example to my son not to quit his education and that it was never too late to further educate yourself. I enrolled in Hinds Community College and at the time was medicated as I should have been for my Bipolar Disorder so I was able to complete the courses. Two years later, I graduated college with an Associate's Degree in Office Systems Technology. I was working for Dollar General at that point to help make ends meet. I had just found out I was pregnant with my daughter. When I graduated I was so DAMN PROUD of myself. I had NEVER finished anything before in my life. I had always either failed or just couldn't quite do it. Not that I wasn't smart or talented enough- not bragging but I can sing and draw EXCEPTIONALLY WELL, but because my Bipolar ups and downs would get in the way. After my daughter was born, I got addicted to painkillers after I had a C Section and my life spiraled out of control. Fast forward to all of my life coming back together. I was working at a call center. I loved what I did and loved the people I worked with. However, the environment during Covid 19 and all the political shit started to turn my work environment into a toxic environment. Leave it to me to snap off at my supervisor and storm off. Yup, not only was it my favorite supervisor at that job, but she was also a friend. Or I considered her to be. I took out my hostility on her and I still have not forgiven myself for that although she says she forgives me. When I lost that job, a job I had been at for four years, I felt heartbroken and lost. I went through a couple of jobs at hotels.... hated it. One day, I was at my crappy paying hotel job and my car broke down in the parking lot. While my husband was fixing it I received a call about a job I had applied to and they told me I would need high-speed internet and a monitor to work and I accepted the $8.00 an hour since it was working from home, I wasn't having to buy gas so I felt what the heck, let's give it a shot. I started working for the new place and pretty quickly, within 2 weeks, I had been given a pay increase matching the amount I made before- 12.00. I was over the moon and happy! I had never gotten a raise in pay before, so when I got two more and a promotion within 6 months of being there, I felt so proud and happy. I felt like I was finally able to do something and make money doing so. I became a Team Leader and I loved and enjoyed the people I woke with. I felt like I was on top of the world. I only worked the number of hours I had worked before, part-time. But then once in the supervisor role, I wanted to prove to myself and everyone I could hold a part-time job and supervise other individuals. I guess I must have outdone myself because they gave me another raise, this raise was much higher- $13.75. Fast forward to last December. It was a normal day at work. I had been a Supervisor for over a year by then and was very comfortable with everyone I worked with and with my job. Just one day out of the blue, right before Christmas, our Senior Manager was just let go without warning. Two days later, the manager under her was gone. A week later, my immediate supervisor put in her resignation. Everything was falling apart and I worked my ass off, extra hours. I should not have done that for them as I received a letter from disability stating that I had made too much income in the past year and so they were cutting my disability off. My heart fell to the ground. I followed up and appealed it, but I am still waiting to hear back. They also told me I owe them 21000 dollars in 30 days. Whhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?????! Oh and as if almost right on schedule, my job lays me off with a week's pay in severance pay. I mean REALLY? I have had to work twice as hard to accomplish things in my life. Simple, easy things that seem to be no big deal to other people, like getting up in the morning, keeping a job, or finishing any task I start are so hard for me. I am starting a new job at the end of the month and it is for higher pay than before. But for a month now I feel like my life is that song- " I get knocked down, but I get up again, you never gonna keep me down" So, I am ending this on a good note. I have learned that when God closes one door, he opens another always, however, if you are like me, you probably are lost somewhere in the hallway looking for that next door- just keep walking, it will be on your left :)