Project verity the original cut: style guidelines.
Can we all agree on a few little rules to help keep the chapters consistent?
1: Keep it past tense third person. When Whitewolf posted the present tense piece it really jarred and it didn’t follow from the rest of the chapters. That’s been fixed, now.
2: Internal and external voices.
Follow this example. This is when Gareth’s in his own body in his world. Olban is the one stuck in the back of his mind.
Gareth Wilks groaned and rolled over.
Wake up, Gareth.
He groaned again and squinted at the glowing green numbers on his bedside table. It took a minute for him to focus. “For god’s sake, Olban! It’s five in the fu”
It’s dawn! Dawn is the correct time to get up! We have a lot to do today.
Gareth collapsed back onto his back. “And you really think it’s going to work?”
Of course. One more day, and you can get up whenever you like. I won’t be stuck in the back of your mind here, you won’t be stuck in the back of mine when I’m home and everything will be right in both worlds. We’ll be free of each other.
And this is when Olban's the physical being and Gareth and Eloise are stuck in the back of his mind, in his world.
What the fuck is that thing? Echoed in his head. The tone of Gareth’s voice indicated a mixture of awe and terror.
“It’s obviously still Wellick. What Wellick is, that’s a different matter. I think he’s turned himself into a mountain troll, this time. I knew he was an idiot but”
How do you know he’s an idiot? What about Bobby? Eloise’s voice had a petulant air. Indignant. Possibly even insulted.
Olban sighed. “As Gareth said, we’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy. You are in a completely different reality. A reality in which magic works. Clearly, this… this Wellick has the ability to read minds! Why you didn’t pick up on that when he answered you back’s beyond me! I didn’t say it, did I? You have to start thinking. It couldn’t be Bobby. There was absolutely no way it could be, so don’t fall for anymore of that bullshit again, OK?”
In other words, for external voices, quotes and non-itallic. For internal, no quotes, but don’t italicise the action or dialogue tags.
Please follow these guidelines. If you have any suggestions of your own to make the process smoother, don’t hesitate to drop a comment. If you disagree with anything, again, comments. I think this is a sensible approach as it distinguishes between voices that are heard by everyone rather than just Gareth, Eloise and Olban.