July 26, 2022 (Day 60):
I planted potatoes today, I don't know how to plant potatoes, but we need food. I reached for my phone to google "growing potatoes". I guess some habits die slowly. I remember before all this I used to hate getting dirt on me. Nature, dirt, the outside, I wasn't interested. None of that seemed important, not when I was climbing the corporate ladder. Handshakes, fake smiles and immaculate suits. That's what really mattered, not the humble toilings of individuals striving to gain from the land, but rather the manipulation and positioning to grow fat off the produce of those same individuals; to gain from society itself.
That is in the past though, and today, well today the potato rules. I am fine with this, be it from necessity or a deeper pervesian of personality through that same necessity, I don't actually miss the suits, the free client lunches and the resulting power. Though at the time nothing seemed more important, the hidden sacrifices needed only showing themselves at a time of crisis.
Loneliness. It's hollow, saddened roots had slowly worked its way into the soil of society for decades. Each new screen with a dancing cartoon, each new buzz and whistle, each new technological invention marketed as "bringing humanity closer together" served to seperate us, through distraction, through made up societal commitments and through incomparable convenience. For years I had been completely alone, yet surrounded by friendly faces separated by a thin sheet of glass. A mockery of human connection, but at the time so welcomed to one living a life of fake connections.
This is why I enjoyed planting today. I'm not just planting for myself, but for my new family. The toil is dirty and undignified but I feel more satisfied than I have for the last 10 years. The faces of the people I care for, I see them everyday, not as digital representations, not as obstacles towards my monetary gain, but as an intertwined team, all working together for the same, communal goal. My potatoes won't be bought by some corporate monster for pennies on the dollar, leaving me enough profit to restart the process. Rather they will be used directly by my family, enforcing social ties and in turn help us all stay strong. I am no longer giving my effort to a faceless void that spits back a numeric symbol of worth back up to me, I can now see how my efforts help those around me directly, I can live my value.
It's funny, it took us losing everything we thought we had to get back everything we forgot we had lost.