so you’ve backed me into a corner,
i’ll lunge at you and shatter your bones.
Did you expect me to tear through the walls behind me?
you laugh and laugh, why does it tear a hole of despair in me?
i force my fists into your face and leave a painting of red
and black and purple
i can feel your bones fracturing
but these tears don’t stop and i don’t know why
i grasp your shoulders desperately
“LOOK AT ME. CAN YOU SEE ME?
“I CAN'T FIND MYSELF, HELP ME FIND MYSELF.”
i reach into my chest to rip out my heart that’s been hurting
for so long
FOR SO LONG
i ask you what i am and you reply
with a smile that kills me.
“You’re this this and this.”
how can you answer so confidently?
i ask without asking.
“hey, i need to get something off my chest,” i say.
then you sew my lips shut.
okay, i get it.
i’m just a stupid useless child and i understand nothing.
i’ll drop to my knees
and bruise my forehead.
does this make you happy?
i’ll hold your hand even
though it burns through what i am.
does this make you forget the wounds on my face?
i’ll become everything i never fucking was for your sake
lose myself in myself so you can pick and choose
the parts you want me to be
i’ll rip open my fucking guts and you can take my lungs and blood and
feelings, doesn’t matter.
and then finally i shatter into a million pieces because
i don’t know i don’t know
you stand right there and i think you see me
for the first time
and i get so hopeful because maybe
maybe maybe maybe
you’ll finally see the red lines you left on my wrists
you see me
you finally see me
but then you tilt your head